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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

439 replies

RoguePudding · 02/06/2019 20:47

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

  • my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
  • I can work from home
  • It would be for about 16 hours a week
  • 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
  • my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

OP posts:
KittensinaBlender · 02/06/2019 20:51

It’s not impossible although you might be surprised how difficult it is to focus on anything other than the baby, that soon after birth.

Could your husband take his paternity leave to overlap with some of it?

Waveysnail · 02/06/2019 20:51

The only problem is that its your first, you dont know what's going to happen. Everything could be fine or not. How would your clients view things if you had to drop out after the baby was born?

janetforpresident · 02/06/2019 20:52

Well I couldn't have done it. If you are breastfeeding it will be almost impossible but if not then perhaps you could plan to do it over the weekends/evenings and let your partner be full time carer?

They could be feeding every hour and sleeps are fairly unpredictable so working when you are sole carer I don't think would work.

Unless you have childcare sorted and are happy to leave baby with someone else but this is very tough in early weeks

Barbie222 · 02/06/2019 20:52

I think the kind of thing you are describing might need the kind of concentration and ability to become absorbed in a task which I sadly haven't really had now for the last 11 years. I'm sure you'll have people who come on here and say yes it will be no problem, but for me it takes me a bit to get in and out of the zone, and the actual productive brain time I have for thinking is far less now than I had before children. I'm sure I have developed coping skills along the way, but these things take longer and are done more poorly than they were before children, I'm afraid.

Waveysnail · 02/06/2019 20:53

I couldn't function for first couple of months after my first. I was so tired. I'm sure theres woman who bounce back but I wasnt one of them

MindatWork · 02/06/2019 20:53

Honestly OP, I couldn’t have told you my own name 3-4 weeks pp, let alone worked! I’m sure lots of posters will come along and tell you they worked/went clubbing/climbed Everest at that point but you can’t really know how you will feel with your first - you may be absolutely fine, you may not.

Who would mind the baby while you’re working? Newborns do sleep a lot but you may find you also need
to sleep then...

FreshAprilStart · 02/06/2019 20:53

No way. Look back on this post once you've given birth and smile at the absurdity of it.

You'll be glad to shower and sleep once in a while never mind work!

Gatoadigrado · 02/06/2019 20:54

You’ll get some people telling you that you can’t possibly manage it and that they lay in bed for 3 months with the baby permanently attached to them... but from what you say it sounds quite feasible. In fact a 3 to 4 week baby is easier in many ways than an older one as they’re likely to sleep a lot.

I guess the factors for me would be: is the work flexible so you can feed easily? Or would there be certain restrictions?

Having had my babies years ago when maternity leave was very short, I was dropping a 12 week old at the childminder after doing an early morning breastfeed, then working all day before picking the baby up. Tbh your set up sounds no harder than that; in fact in many ways easier because you won’t have a commute

Siennabear · 02/06/2019 20:55

I think it's too soon personally. I would wait and see how it all goes and how you feel. Will you be breastfeeding? That takes up a lot of time. You don't know if you have a content baby or one that cries a lot. Its difficult to say. Not to mention sleep will be all over the place and you'll forget what your name,e is.

dudsville · 02/06/2019 20:55

Of course it's possible. Women all around the world do it for similar financial reasons. If needs must you can. It will be hard on you and your baby. You'll know when the time comes whether you have to make such a decision. Good luck.

NameChangedNoImagination · 02/06/2019 20:55

I did BUT I had DP at home and had an easy baby. I was working 5 days postpartum. My baby did nothing but eat and sleep. If you have a sleepy baby it will be possible. If you don't it won't. Is there a possibility of having a nanny for 10 hours a week?

HardofCleaning · 02/06/2019 20:56

If you have a straight forward labour and easy going baby you might be ready to go after 2-3 weeks. If you have complications, baby blues, PND, anemia, a baby who won't sleep for more than half an hour, or any number of other issues you might not feel at all ready for it.

I finished my PhD thesis while pregnant and defended when DD was 16 weeks old and that was fine but a few weeks might be pushing it.

makingmammaries · 02/06/2019 20:56

Yes, technically it’s possible. I remember sitting at the computer typing translations with one hand while holding my DS in a sling. It wasn’t fun, but, like you, I didn’t want to miss the assignment. I’d say go for it.

AloneLonelyLoner · 02/06/2019 20:58

I did my finals in law school a week after giving birth and was attending interviews and prepping etc straight away. I also exclusively breastfed and had a toddler at home. If I can do that, you can do this. We women are amazing.

That said, it all depends on the baby. Some babies have a really difficult time after birth. Some never sleep. Maybe feeding will be hard. Also expect little sleep. You can do it. I think you should financially and at least with breastfeeding you can multitask (like write, type etc) which is much harder if you formula feed. Good luck!

stucknoue · 02/06/2019 20:58

It won't be easy but people do it, needs must. You will need some support probably but if all you have to do is feed and work it's doable (eg have a cleaner, help with the baby or whatever). Be aware though that recovery from a difficult birth could make it harder.

Deafdonkey · 02/06/2019 20:58

I returned after 4 weeks (as soon as I could drive) have my own office, self employed book keeper and I took baby with me. Used to bf with a cushion and still work, worked 24 hours over six days. I found it easy until baby was about 6 months then it became impossible and had to use a nursery. However my second baby was a devil child and he screamed constantly so it wasn't possible.

MotherWol · 02/06/2019 20:58

Would you be returning to work permanently at this point, or just doing this job, with a view to taking some more leave when it’s complete? How long will the assignment take? TBH it’s probably not impossible, if you’re able to pay for childcare, but I wouldn’t attempt it without a nanny - the baby will be too young for a childminder or nursery, and I think you’d struggle to do your job around caring for a newborn.

NewSchoolNewName · 02/06/2019 20:58

How feasible it is honestly all depends on how well the birth goes and how “easy” your baby is.

If the birth goes smoothly, so you recover quickly, and your baby settles well between feeds then it could all work out.

If it’s a difficult birth, a slow recovery for you, and / or you have a fussy baby then it’d be a lot harder. And there’s no way to know in advance which way it’ll go.

Have you any family / friends locally who could help out with the baby while you work? Or as pp suggests, can your DH arrange paternity leave to overlap with the assignment?

Sexnotgender · 02/06/2019 20:58

I’ve got a 17 week old so the early days are fresh in the memory.

If it’s only 16 hours a week that’s probably doable if you have an easy going baby. My boy is pretty chilled most of the time and I could probably have worked 16 hours a week from home.

However if you get a high needs baby it might not be possible.

HalyardHitch · 02/06/2019 20:59

With my first we were still.in hospital when he was 4.5 weeks. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. With my second I went back when he was about a month old. I just took him to work with me. He just slept the whole time

Rarfy · 02/06/2019 20:59

I mean it is possible but you might be surprised how you feel once baby arrives and it depends on the birth you have too.

My dd was 17wks old by the time my csection wound finally healed. I was not expecting that.

cestlavielife · 02/06/2019 20:59

Who will be watching the baby for those 16 hours?

JessieTalamasca · 02/06/2019 21:00

What duds said. It's worth a try. In the UK it's seen as an anathema to work before your child is 1 but in a lot of places it's the norm due to financial necessity.

Original poster
RoguePudding · 02/06/2019 21:01

Thanks all, so far! Some mixed responses.

Hiring a nanny or DH taking paternity leave would sort of defeat the purpose - I'm considering it only because of the financial necessity. Otherwise I'd much rather take a few months.

It's all typing on the computer, basically, so physically it is much the same as hanging out on Mumsnet.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 02/06/2019 21:01

This is a bit “how long is a piece of string”. You might, you might not, and there’s no way of knowing until you get to that point.