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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

439 replies

RoguePudding · 02/06/2019 20:47

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

  • my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
  • I can work from home
  • It would be for about 16 hours a week
  • 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
  • my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

OP posts:
Marilynmansonsthermos · 02/06/2019 22:02

Alot of people don't have that kind of experience, I'd say you were pretty lucky!

Snowpaw · 02/06/2019 22:03

My own mother told me before I had my child that looking after a newborn is a full time job. I kind of scoffed at her and wondered how hard it could be, given they sleep so much. When she got here...how wrong I was!! Yes she did sleep a lot but in those hours I needed to sleep myself, or try and cook a bit, or wash a load of clothes, or have a wash myself, or simply just sit with a cup of tea and just process everything that had happened. I remember opening my laptop when she was about four weeks old to do some online banking and I felt like my brain had melted! It was so much effort to think clearly. I couldn’t have worked so early on. If it’s an option for you, I’d just reel back your spending and make do with less income.

StraffeHendrik · 02/06/2019 22:04

I did this with both of mine but could have delayed going back if necessary. I had two easy babies and easy births and no feeding problems. I also shared nights with DH (used breast pump so he could give a bottle).

I definitely know people who would not have been in any shape to do it at that stage.

LtGreggs · 02/06/2019 22:04

I didn't have to go back to work so soon, but I could have done if had to. I was physically battered by the birth and needed a month-ish to recover enough to walk comfortably to shops & back etc. But by 6 weeks I was actively looking for 'projects' to fill my time - we did some long trips within UK, sold our house, moved, renovated a new house and started a business by time DC1 was about 7 months.

DC2 was an easier birth, but a more difficult baby and a bad sleeper - plus obviously had the toddler too. I would have had the physical fitness to go back to work after 5 weeks, but no ability to concentrate.

BIWI · 02/06/2019 22:05

What kind of work are you doing? It would be really helpful to know, as it makes a massive difference.

Why do you think you could only afford childcare from 4 months?

magneticmumbles · 02/06/2019 22:05

I could still hardly walk after 3 weeks due to a very difficult delivery.

FlatPackPat · 02/06/2019 22:07

I continued working from home (also self employed) after DS was born. Did my first 'job' when he was 3 days old. Outing myself slightly but I'm a voiceover artist so I have the benefit of looking like shite, not having to learn the lines and doing as many takes as necessary to get the one good one required and sending that edited recording to the client under a 24 he turnaround time pressure. I also took on a big job that actually came in just hrs after DS was born but the money was so good I couldn't say no!

A few things to consider:
I had an easy birth and recovery mentally and physically
DS was a healthy pretty chilled baby and I found bfing easy from the get go
DP was around a lot to help out with all the other stuff (washing, cooking, cleaning, googling, buying more muslins etc) so I just focussed on DS and worked when I needed to

I can totally understand why people are saying it's mad to even consider it but you know your workload and ability. One thing you can't account for it how well the birth will go and how high needs your baby will be. I would have thought it's probably likely that your birth will go reasonably well.

Is there a time limit for you to accept/decline the work @RoguePudding?

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 02/06/2019 22:08

As it's 16 hours per week from home i think you could do it. Would getting a nanny be feasible? You'll need a quiet place to work away from the baby and whoever is looking after him/ her but it would be ok.

CloudRusting · 02/06/2019 22:08

Mmmm have to say I think this is challenging. In order for it to work I think you would need to do as much as you can when your partner is around. And have total flexibility for the rest. Because as soon as you have to have any time bound calls etc you will run into difficulties.

You say if you don’t do it you will lose the client. Are you sure they would be happy paying for someone to work whilst simultaneously looking after a child?

Even with all this you’re at the whims of what your child is like. A dream baby who has minimal night wakings and is generally contented is one thing. A baby with reflux and colic who screams for hours, wakes all through the night and can’t be put down is wholly a different kettle of fish. My oldest was the latter type of baby and it was all I could do to keep my sanity for the first 6 months - working 16 hours a week on top would have done me in.

Orangehandtowel · 02/06/2019 22:09

Ds was a terrible sleeper.. I was so tired for the first 9 months when he actually decided to sleep more than a hour at a time.

DD is easier and at 17 weeks I can just about finish the course I'm doing for my work than I started before going on maternity leave. It's quite intellectual and my main issues are spelling and my hands not keeping up with my brain.

FlatPackPat · 02/06/2019 22:10

FWIW we had no family help or support and DS was also a limpet boob baby that didn't sleep. I worked with him feeding in the sling and just kind of got on with the fact that I felt really fucking tired all of the time.

fedup21 · 02/06/2019 22:12

I felt like I’d been hit by a truck for a good 8 weeks. No sleep, mastitis, c/section, infection, colicky baby-I cried a lot! It was enough to get dressed some days. I went back to work part time at 4 months and that was horrendous. I was so tired, my face hurt!

Other people have much easier times.

What will the repercussions be if you can’t do the job when it comes to it?

Louiselouie0890 · 02/06/2019 22:12

I went back to work after 5 weeks. I couldn't afford not to. Physically I was absolutely fine. I had my days being emotional but I was fine.

rattusrattus20 · 02/06/2019 22:14

16 hours from home for a shortish period doesn't sound totally beyond the pale, but challenging, albeit only if all the dice fall favourably in terms of your birth etc.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 02/06/2019 22:14

You can't know until you're there iyswim. I was still ill from complications at that point and couldn't have done work (and I know in some countries there's no choice, bjt in those countries it's pretty likely I'd be dead), even from home. But if everything goes smoothly, who knows?

Louiselouie0890 · 02/06/2019 22:15

Also if I'm honest it helped with my mental health I'm very much need to be doing something,be out the house, mind kept busy sort of person so being at home wasn't easy for me but I had the best of both worlds as I had 3 days off a week and my shifts were very early so I had the rest of the day with family

fedup21 · 02/06/2019 22:15

I went back to work after 5 weeks. I couldn't afford not to. Physically I was absolutely fine. I had my days being emotional but I was fine.

Did you have childcare?

I think working whilst trying to look after the baby is the bit you might find tricky, OP.

Original poster
RoguePudding · 02/06/2019 22:18

Why do you think you could only afford childcare from 4 months?

Specific circumstances that are difficult to explain, and am afraid might out me to people who know us. But it is the reality of the situation.

I also don't want to be too specific about my job, but it is in terms of practicalities similar to FlatPackPat's voice-over job, although perhaps more intellectually rigorous instead of creative (I am sorry - FlatPackPat - I know nothing about your industry)!

I am sorry for the lack of info in my OP, everyone. I thought I'd been pretty comprehensive, but I absolutely should have mentioned the childcare issue.

OP posts:
Greenolivesorblackolives · 02/06/2019 22:22

Not quite as quickly as you so can’t comment on that but I went back to work when dd was 3 months old. Maternity leave was a lot, lot less years ago and it was managed.
I’m self employed too, it’s such a worry with work and maternity leave. I was never really off, I was still dealing with work.

potatochips84 · 02/06/2019 22:22

It's so hard to give an answer

I had my first and was expecting to be joining classes etc after a few weeks, but I had an emergency c section and then ended up struggling to move during the day. Also I wasn't prepared for the change in hormones and was very emotional most of the first few months

I did do a piece of work four months after giving birth and whilst physically I was able and we managed to arrange childcare for me to do this, I realised I wasn't able to give it the attention it needed and did not do anymore for a while after

However you may bounce back quickly and have a baby who likes sleeping (mine did not)

I guess I echo what someone else said-how will the client feel if you have to postpone or drop out later?

Merryoldgoat · 02/06/2019 22:23

Your issue is childcare and sleep.

If it’s zero exertion physically, then that’s fine.

However, the reality is you might not be sleeping well, you might be in pain, you might have PND, all of which will impact your ability to do a good job.

Nothing can prepare you for the tiredness of sleep deprivation. And you have no way of knowing if you’re baby will be a sleeper or not.

Some mornings I cried just having to take my older boy to school 200m away - the tiredness was crippling - there was no way I could’ve worked, even if the baby had been looked after.

My second was colicky as fuck with reflux - the worst day I changed us both 6 times. When he wasn’t vomiting all he would accept was cuddles. Working under those conditions would’ve been impossible.

If you can’t afford childcare how are you planning to go back to work generally? Just curious.

Booboostwo · 02/06/2019 22:23

I managed to write half of an academic textbook while DD was a newborn and it took six months. I had a few things in my favor. While she did not sleep well at all, she was a velcro baby so I could sit in front of the computer with her in my lap and as long as she had access to the boob she was happy. The book was a textbook which is more straightforward than a monograph (I don’t know if there is a similar comparison in your job) and was made up of many small sections so I could feasibly work on each one at a time. I still needed to sleep a bit during the day because DD slept really badly at night so if you are a bit lucky and have a baby that sleeps through you may have more time.

SisterMaryLoquacious · 02/06/2019 22:25

The only way I can see this working after about 3 months is if you do the vast majority of your work at the weekends while DH takes care of baby. I don’t think that would be many people’s first choice but if you really need the money then that’s just the way it will have to be.

The six weeks prior to that are in the lap of the gods: might be easy or might be impossible. Strategic visits from family and use of DH’s holiday will be key.

Starrynights86 · 02/06/2019 22:28

@roguepudding yes I could have done that many hours at that stage and wasn’t foggy, I had to go back to work at 3 months and DP was a sahd. However I would have needed help with the baby when I was working and I was shattered by the evening so couldn’t have done work once DP was home although could have worked at the weekends.

Flamingnora123 · 02/06/2019 22:28

I didn't take any leave really for my second, same position as you. I worked from home too. I was permanently exhausted but as a start up I was really not in a position to be turning anything down and ran everything myself.

I'd say as long as you can work in the evening when your husband is home, and as long as he is supportive to your business, respects it and will take full responsibility for the baby when you need him to (even if it means taking him/her out for an hour or two in the pram or car in the evening) it is doable. It may feel like it's breaking you at times but remember you are strong and it's for a greater purpose!

I'm actually really glad I did it as I've never had that, "I've lost myself, I'm only a mum." feeling that a lot of people talk about, and also have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my small kids.

I'm also due number 3 in a few weeks and am doing the same again, feel free to message me if you need some moral support or handholding. It IS hard but it is also possible and worthwhile. Good luck!

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