To think leaving a 12 year old alone each day from 3-7pm is too much?

[embarrassedbymyhouse]

I'm trying to find a new job.

One involves a 50 mile commute by car. It pays quite well, and annoyingly my work is quite niche so it's hard for me to find local jobs.

DS is 12 and an only child, I'm a single parent.

I wouldn't be home until 6.30-7pm each night and I think it's too long for him but he doesn't want a childminder.

AIBU to think this is too long and we need an au pair or god only knows what else?

I agree it’s too long especially if it’s going to be a daily thing. Secondly, he’s only 12 so why is it his choice whether or not he has a childminder?

12 is to old for a childminder but to young to be left alone until 7 a few nights a week.

Depends on how sensible/mature he is, any friends or family he could go to even one or two days?

Is there not an after school club he could attend?

I think if hes okay with it then it's okay honestly. Is he sensible and mature for his age? If so I dont think 12 is too young to be left alone. The issue is that it's slightly late to cook so maybe hed have to cook his own dinner which is a bit sad to have to do every single night on his own.
Would this be every night or is it just a few nights a week?
Perhaps you could try it for a time before you hire an au pair?
I'm sure he will be fine but it's the loneliness of being sat alone as he has no siblings and would just be sat there eating dinner alone each night.... that might be a bit sad for him and he might actually prefer having someone there a couple of evenings.
Is there a neighbours house or a friends house he could go to for tea? A friends from school he could have his tea at or go to from school a couple of evenings?

I would have left dd at that age, she was sensible mature and responsible.

It’s absolutely fine it’s 3.5-4 hours.

If he'd prefer that to a childminder then it's fine. Not sure you would even find a childminder who would take a secondary age child.

Mine would have been fine with that.

I think it's fine at 12 if he's happy with it and he's sensible. He's really too old for a childminder.

I think it's fine. Id look into after school clubs though so it wasn't so long every night.

I bet he could find a friend to go to after school at least one day a week (rotate them!) and if he had snacks to eat and you got dinner ready as soon as you got home (meal prep in advance or easy quick meals) he will be fine

I think it’s fine and a couple of things spring to mind. Can he go to friends or do any after school activities for a couple of nights. Also he will get older, and will get used to it. Mine used to quite like the time to themselves. He could also start preparing dinner too.

Life is about making the most and best of things.

Mine would be sat gaming and chatting to friends so not lonely!

After school clubs, or can he stay on at school until 4/5 and do homework in the library?

I was home alone for that long at his age. However I also worked as what they called a mother's help. That involved popping into the house for an hour or two each evening to start dinner and just keep an ear out in case the boys needed anything. I would then go when the mum or dad got home. Could something like this work?

I don't get in till 6.30 4 days a week. I've not had a problem with my eldest in y7. He makes nachos with cheese in the microwave or a sandwich and then he eats tea with us. I think in a couple of years this wouldn't be an issue with anyone.

What time will he actually arrive home though?
Actually, I'd be more concerned about the distance you would be working from. If something happened on his way home from school, he missed the bus, lost his bus pass etc, he'd have to wait hours for you to get to him. Same if he's ill at school. And what about the holidays? Presumeably he'd be home alone for 12+ hours some days?

Can you organise a “cook” for him to have his (and your) dinner made (but really it’s a childminder?)

I think its too long every night of the week, I would think about an au pair (especially one who speaks the language that he's learning at school). There's an au pair section under childcare where you can get lots of tips, but I don't think you'll struggle to get someone if you only need after school, plus they do light housework as well.

What about a local sixth former or college student? He doesn't need supervision, just a bit of company. Student could get on with own homework/revision. You'd just need some ground rules about student bringing girlfriend/boyfriend with them.

My 12yo would be fine as long as there was food available and he had an emergency contact like a neighbour that he could ask for help. Have you asked him what he thinks?

Laughing at au pair/cook suggestions, not everyone has salaries that cover these, especially if one salary coming in.

Depends what your DS is like but I don't think it's necessarily a problem. I did that at that age and actually really enjoyed the time to myself.

Could you ask for some flexibility if you're concerned? E.g. some working from home or an early start and finish

Can you move? if there is only you, and you didnt need childcare before, then surely if your job is so niche, moving would the best bet>?