To think leaving a 12 year old alone each day from 3-7pm is too much?

[embarrassedbymyhouse]

I'm trying to find a new job.

One involves a 50 mile commute by car. It pays quite well, and annoyingly my work is quite niche so it's hard for me to find local jobs.

DS is 12 and an only child, I'm a single parent.

I wouldn't be home until 6.30-7pm each night and I think it's too long for him but he doesn't want a childminder.

AIBU to think this is too long and we need an au pair or god only knows what else?

Move!? I imagine the OP and her son would rather stay where they have friends and their lives!

My kids school was open until 5pm every day , various clubs plus the library.

I had this conversation with some friends recently. We all said that we had been "latch-key kids". I walking home from school with friends and letting myself into the house from the age of about 9 onwards. (This was early 90s). I was absolutely fine and never suffered for it, 7 is not so late to be coming home and cooking dinner. If your son is ok with it when why not give it a go and see if it works?

It's a long time for every day, it's a hard one really my middle child went off the rails when I went out to work after being a SAHM I was a childminder, but husband left me and I had to get a "job"to take over the mortgage to keep the house.
It all went very wrong for him and even now it effects us, but that's not to say your child won't be okay.
He might be lonely, he could make himself vulnerable as others could take advantage of him adult free home.
Could he go to a childminder Tuesday and Thursday.

I was home alone after school at that age. I was required to call my mother the moment I got in the house. I was not allowed to have any friends in or to go outside. I could walk the dog in the fenced backyard only. I was to do my homework and then start dinner (my mother would leave written instructions about what to do). This was the schedule for six years, until I left for college.
Worst thing that happened -- I got involved watching television and let dinner burn once. I had to soak and scrub the pan. Never made that mistake again!

My 12 year old would be absolutely fine with this. On a good day she'd have her homework done either at the after school homework club or home and would possibly have started dinner for us if I'd let her know what needed doing. On a more typical day, she'd have gone to her mate's house or the park for a bit, then home for a few hours of whatever crap she's watching on Netflix whilst glued to her phone and eating biscuits.

I was a latch key kid til 6pm and absolutely hated it. I wouldnt do it long term. The odd day is fine.

I think that would be fine at 12.

Presumably some nights he will have afterschool activities (sports/clubs/band practice/scouts etc) which will break things up a bit. Also, will he be walking home with friends? If so, maybe he could have one round on a Friday night so he has some company, or go to a friend or Grandma/Aunt etcs house for a visit maybe once a week or so.

On the whole though, 12 year olds are more than capable of being at home alone for 4 hours. It's just that boredom/loneliness might set in if its every single day, plus presumably full days in school holidays.

Does he have any friends he can go to for a couple of the days to break it up. I sometimes leave my 12 and 13 year olds alone (separately) and they do get a bit lonely. Also hate the thought of them sat staring at a screen for all those hours.

Is there a ‘go to’ adult around who could pop in/swing by occasionally?

Are you in the UK? 3 sounds early for school to finish. Normal times here for secondary pupils to get home would be 4 - 4.30. Later if clubs. Only you know your 12 year old. If he is responsible and there is a neighbour/friend he can call if necessary then no problem. I would investigate other options though incase a few months down the line it's not working out.

I was like that as a kid and had all sorts go wrong. I had my boyfriend over for (very) underage sex, for starters!

I was left from 8 till 4 during half terms etc, from age 11. I loved it!

No I wouldn’t leave a 12 year old alone until 7 every night, would it be 5 nights? What time would you be leaving in the morning? So I don’t think YABU at 12 he doesn’t really get a choice but if it was mine I would rather he was in a homework club or had some company.

Yes, if he's sensible.
Things don't have to be set in stone - i.e. if it isn't working for whatever reason, you can always look for someone to look after him if need be.

I was at home for these timings when I started secondary school. My mum was also a single parent. All depends on the maturity of the child.

He will likely be fine but he might be a bit lonely.

Could they go to library after school, get homework done and be home around 5.30. No reason they couldn't get dinner prepped either

Would earlier start be an option? Then you could get home earlier

That is completely fine. Just leave a spare key with a trustworthy neighbour and let them know of your mobile number in case DC gets locked out. Tell DC to ring you the minute he gets in everyday . No friends over last minute etc.

You are doing a good thing. Children need to know that we trust them too.

My dc’s secondary school finishes at 2.40pm!

I couldn’t leave my 12 year old till that time, maybe half an hour or so. I think it depends on your child but I would say it’s a bit young especially during the winter months.

I've had to leave mine once or twice a week until about 8pm - occasionally 9pm from the age of 12 in order to work. I'm also a single parent with no family nearby. On these occasions my work is about an hour away.

It's basically needs must as I need to earn money. He's totally fine, knows what to do, I check in with him and he's learnt a bit of cooking. I barely notices I'm not there as he's busy gaming when homework is done

at that age mine had been walking to school each day (as had all the other kids round here). I took the view that they were safer on my house than walking.

My friend is a single mum and her ds is in this situation, but there's no choice. I think he's become very addicted to his PS4 and didn't do much homework etc nectar she's not around to ask till late. Once they eat etc it's late. I guess it depends on the child, but I wouldn't leave my 13yo to his own devices for that long daily. He didn't do any after-school clubs etc so he'd basically be in the house from 3.45pm daily.

I'd they were staying at school to do sports clubs/homework clubs until 5ish then maybe.

I hope he's a good and well trusted kid 'cos I know at that age and until maybe 15 I'd have invited people back every night and eaten everything, and got up to all sorts out of the house knowing mum would be none the wiser