to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

Laura is right. She then doesn't need to disclose where she lives and she doesn't need to feel frightened going to his house. One night in a hotel where there are other people and staff - and a check out time the next day. It may seem seedy but if they can afford it then yes it makes sense

YANBU. A hotel sounds like a much better option than either of their houses. I wouldn't do it personally but would have no judgement for someone who did.

Whilst I'm not the judgemental type your friend is playing with fire when it comes to her safety, she's no safer in a hotel than at home because once the hotel door closes he can still attack her and no one would be non the wiser until afterwards. Meeting people online in person is very risky people lie and there's some real sick individuals out there that lure women to attack them, thats the sort of conversation you need to be having with your friend because she's seriously placing herself in alot of potential danger

I wouldn't judge but could see why someone would have a problem with a planned one night stand, but why does the venue being a hotel suddenly make it a problem?! It sounds very sensible as already mentioned.

could see why someone would have a problem with a planned one night stand,

Why? I could see why they wouldn't want to do it personally but I see no moral objection (assume both parties are consenting , single adults).

Meeting people online in person is very risky people lie and there's some real sick individuals out there that lure women to attack them,

That's massively hysterical. I've never seen any statistics to show that meeting someone online is risky if you follow sensible safety guidelines.

Stalking is less likely but rape is just as.

However, it's her business.

Fiona’s comment ‘ it’s so cheap’ says it all. She is judging Laura’s choice.

I think that the hotel idea is providing you with a pretty false sense of security. But apart from that Laura is right, yes. Seems like a bit of a non conversation tbh

Whenever I go anywhere alone, I tell my mum and a friend where I'm going, where I'll be staying, what room, that I should be OK but will touch base between x time and x time, and to call if they don't hear from me. I have a little girl at home and I often travel alone for work, so I feel safe with people checking in. Not because I'm paranoid but it's just sensible. Nothing has ever happened but people know where I am in case something does. Seems like your friend is being smart in meeting this man in a hotel room, hope she has a nice time

Fiona is ridiculous. Unfortunately there are a lot of Fionas about.

Fiona is being ridiculous. It's still risky, but I can't see any better option available.

I wouldn’t take a one night stand back to my house because I wouldn’t want them knowing where I live but I wouldn’t arrange a one nightstand over the internet like that. It’s different when you meet someone in person. You get a better chance to gauge how safe they are/ask friends etc. Its never 100% safe to have casual sex but ahotel room doesn’t makea sex date you’ve arranged over the internet somehow safe. It’s still remarkably dangerous to get into bed with someoneyou haven’t even met. Unless she’s meeting them in the bar to Make sure they seem ostensibly ok first.

I was raped in a hotel room so I don’t think it is particularly safe. The circumstances were different as I hadn’t met the man for sex, he pulled me into an empty hotel room as I walked past it and shut the door behind us but as PPs have said, once the door is shut and locked there’s not much difference between being in a hotel room and being in your house. Certainly nobody heard or helped me.

But if she is willing to take the risk of meeting a stranger for sex then I agree it is better to be in a hotel than at either party’s house and at least she can meet him in the hotel bar first and check she gets good vibes from him before committing to going upstairs. Being in a hotel won’t remove any risk but I think it probably lowers it somewhat.

neither are being u. we all have different limits on sensible/risky behaviour.
Laura would be wise to tell you when and where she is meeting the man though.

That sounds absolutely terrifying, @CrazyKittenSmile. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Laura is taking precautions. Nothing is risk free - LIFE isn’t risk free. But she is living hers and taking sensible steps to minimise the risk. Fiona doesn’t sound much of a friend.

Which one is you, OP?

The hotel scenario seems safer to me. Of course she could still get into a mess if the man's violent or whatnot, but there'll be CCTV and staff around, which make it more likely he can be identified afterwards, and he won't know where she lives to stalk or otherwise bother her.

Phew cannot say I would feel much safer in that scenario. My friend was staying in a hotel for business in Bahrain, meal in the restaurant alone with a book. Went up in the lift walking towards her room a man was behind her she just felt something was weird so ran and managed to open and close the door, the man barged the door again and again she screamed, perhaps no-one heard, had to risk leaving the door to call reception. They did come running but the man escaped.

To be honest if I heard someone screaming in a hotel I would phone reception but my sense of direction is rubbish, would not know if it was above, below or on my floor.

*could see why someone would have a problem with a planned one night stand,

Why? I could see why they wouldn't want to do it personally but I see no moral objection (assume both parties are consenting , single adults).*

Maybe religious reasons? Some people just think sex outside marriage is wrong. As I said, I wouldn't have a problem but I could imagine some would. Even for a religious fanatic the idea that it's more "wrong" in a hotel would be very weird!

Fiona’s comment ‘ it’s so cheap’ says it all. She is judging Laura’s choice

Maybe Laura shouldn’t invite people’s judgment by telling them then? Fiona is not obligated to think her friend’s idea is sensible. If Fiona thinks her friend is making foolish, risky decisions, should she articulate that or keep her mouth shut for fear of being seen as ‘judgmental’?

Surely they'll meet in down the bar first. And if so there's very little difference between what she's doing and what millions of people do everyday - one night stand at a house or up an alley.

Of course it's safer than the alternates she describes, but she's ultimately meeting a stranger for sex. And yes there is always a risk associated with that, even in a hotel room, as any prostitute will tell you.

I'm assuming that she has a drink with him first or something, rather than just meeting him the first time in the hotel room?

@ UserName31456789

Its not massively hysterical look up the cases where its happened and the OP doesn't state whether her friend is being safe i.e. informing her mates where she is and is meeting up etc you never know the next man she meets up with could get nasty use some common sense before you attack my opinion 🙄 because the fact of the matter is there's no difference between those who use date rape drugs and hang around bars waiting to strike

I'm with Fiona in a way, just may have been a lot more tactful. Whilst meeting at a hotel reduces some potential risks, it is still not without risks.

I guess the likelihood of something happening is low but the impact if something does is high.