to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

I am guessing Tinder is the go to for sex with no strings. Do you just block them from your profile afterwards??

I know two happy marriages resulting from tinder dating, one a family member so know it can be a happy ever after site.

A friend I worked with once used plenty of fish but these were for house parties, no holds barred weekends, I used to worry about her but she always turned up for work on Monday.

I've done both.

I can't get worked up about it as long as she takes precautions.

She should send a picture, his contact info and where they're going to a friend with instructions about when she should be back in touch.

TBH, nowadays it takes very little info to online search somebody in advance. It's rare I've gone on a date without knowing a guy's full name, workplace, and had a little stalk of his social media to see if he's who he says he is.

I just think it is awful and tacky to willingly meet a complete stranger in a hotel just for sex. Almost like being a prostitute, isn't it?

Is this common, to have one night stands with men you meet on internet dating sites?

My son spend a long time on-line dating looking for a nice girl to settle down and start a family with. We're very, very rural in our part of the world. Anyway he heard some horrible stories from girls about men messaging them with pictures of their genitals or just assuming they were on-line for one night stands. I wondered why these men would do that if they were being told off and blocked all the time. There must be a lot of Laura's out there who love the dick pics and return the requested pictures of their own bits and bobs.

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel 😐

I think it's all risky and dodgy tbh. I know a woman who met someone at a cheap hotel (for no-strings sex,) and he forced her into anal with no condom. It damaged her internally, she had to have surgery, and she had to be tested for STDs - incl HIV/AIDS.

A year later, she was still suffering after effects and severe depression, and attempted to take her own life. She failed fortunately, but has never been right since. I don't want to go into any more detail, in case she is on here, but suffice to say it serves as a warning to be very careful. I know that this may sound like an extreme case, (to some,) but this kind of thing does happen!

@Lucifer666

Whilst I'm not the judgemental type your friend is playing with fire when it comes to her safety, she's no safer in a hotel than at home because once the hotel door closes he can still attack her and no one would be non the wiser until afterwards. Meeting people online in person is very risky people lie and there's some real sick individuals out there that lure women to attack them, that's the sort of conversation you need to be having with your friend because she's seriously placing herself in a lot of potential danger

Agree with this, and there is nothing hysterical about it, as @UserName31456789 said. You'd have to be very naive to think that there is very little risk of danger or harm, as long as you follow 'sensible safety guidelines!!!'

Personally, hell would freeze over before I would meet a stranger off the internet for casual sex. There are so many reasons not to!

What’s unfortunate about Fiona’s opinion and concern for her friend, Mrskeats? She probably cares more for Laura than some right-on ‘feminist’ internet stranger.

If he wants to kill her or hurt her being in a hotel won't help. Unless a policeman is in the room with them.

I don't think Fiona is right, but I don't think it's 'pearl-clutching at its finest' either. I'd be clutching my pearls more tightly than that.

@AmeriAnn

Is this common, to have one night stands with men you meet on internet dating sites?

It seems to be the done thing with some people. And according to some people, there is this 'you must shag on the third date' bollocks when you enter a new relationship. Fuck knows who thought THAT up! If I met someone new (if me and DH split, or he died,) it would be a LONG time before I had sex with the new man. Certainly not on the third bloody date!

Online dating is a minefield. I know around half a dozen women - all single/divorced/widowed between 40 and 60, who have tried online dating, and every single one of them said the man expected sex immediately. They all said no; every one of them.

I know lots of posters come onto these kind of threads and say how they shag loads of men, week-in, week-out, and are cool with it, and can't fathom why people have any problem with it, and 'you must have a stick-up-your-arse' if you think it's wrong/dangerous/seedy etc....

Yet I don't know any woman in real life who meets men they found on the internet, and shags them in a random a hotel room the same night they meet them. Not one.

Laura is right. Fiona needs to chill out.

Ive had some casual encounters since i became single. Twice I went to theirs and once we met in a car park - classy
I just trusted my instinct. 2 of them I felt sure it would be fine.. 1 was a bit of a risk as we really hadnt chatted much before. I probs wouldn't do that again. I always send my WhatsApp location to a friend and message said friend before and after.

BINGO! ^^

YANBU
Hotel room is safer as long as she also tells friends that she is going to be there etc
Theres an element of risk to all of it but as a grown woman I think that's up to her to asses and accept or not. Theres always an element of risk with casual sex... I dont think it's anything to clutch Pearl's about though personally, people take bigger risks every day... just because it's about sex this time shouldnt make any difference. I hope Laura has fun.

God some people on this thread!! Just because you like casual sex does not mean you dont care how you are treated or dont respect yourself or are happy for random guys to send you pics of their genitals.
Why do you view sex as this sacred gift that someone has to protect? Some women like to have sex but they dont want to be in a committed relationship or have any emotional ties... what on earth is wrong with that?
There have been times in my life where I've slept with men I've just met, just for the sex, and not really wanted anything to do with them beyond politeness afterwards. This was in the days before tinder.... but I'm happily married now! I certainly dont think that I didnt respect myself.
Yes theres an element of risk to it because you dont know these men well... but you use your common sense and judgement. Dont get too drunk, use protection (double if possible) let people know where you are and who your are with etc... you are at more risk from things like driving a car or walking to the corner shop alone at night....

Laura is taking risks. Fiona is NU to be concerned about the risks, but is VU to use the word “cheap”.

@crazyasafox Your "Bingo" post didn't make me feel very nice. Just thought I'd let you know. No need at all to start shaming people.

But why @batttenburgisland would you want to have sex with a complete stranger? It really is hard to understand.

@BattenburgIsland

Stop projecting.

People are entitled to their opinions and views, and just because they hit a raw nerve with you, it doesn't make peoples views any less valid.

So if Laura has met men for casual sex, loads of times before, what has the set up been? Surely the same kind of thing? Hotel?

I'm not replying to the replies about why someone would want to have a one night stand - she does, so I'm not going to preach to her about why she shouldn't.

In relation to safety, yes, I suppose the risk still exists there. I initially thought a hotel was less safe, because I imagine it makes the news with celebs and the like. But, I guess my AIBU is that I now agree that at least the hotel is at most as risky, but not MORE risky than a one night stand?

@Crunchymum she usually meets up with them in their house if they live in her city and leaves so she can get home within a taxi ride. She doesn't stay over.

The hotel came into the equation because she was unwilling to be away from her house in a comfortable distance.

Fiona could have been more tactful. Laura is an adult and can make her own choices. IMO meeting randoms off the internet and going back to a hotel room is putting her in potential danger. Of course she could have a great time but what if something goes wrong? At the very least she should insist on using condoms to protect herself. We teach our DC about being safe online, adults shouldn't think they are above the same precautions. She is putting herself in a vulnerable position. She may not like that reality but it's for her own safety.

Understood.

Makes sense!!

Any relationship a woman has with a man has risks.

Different people have different risk profiles. Some people get a thrill from risky behaviour. I certainly wouldn't want to arrange sex with someone I had never met in person before. Is she planning for them to arrive and check in together and for CCTV to get a very clear image of his face before they proceed to the bedroom?