to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

Laura is right though I suppose both are risky in more ways than one.

I don’t think its either here nor there whether a hotel is slightly less dangerous than her house or his house or wherever. The fact is, she is putting herself at risk. Most women wouid not do this.

Call me old-fashioned, but I ask why she just can’t go on a date without booking hotels, or with the mindset of looking for a potential relationship?

I guess you are right that your friend has the right to behave as she wants. The thing is, other people (men and women) also have the right to make whatever judgements they want, whether they say it or not. Chances are, if your friend carries in like this for a prolonged period, it won’t end well.

Why do you view sex as this sacred gift that someone has to protect? Some women like to have sex but they dont want to be in a committed relationship or have any emotional ties... what on earth is wrong with that?

The thread isn’t about you, so why take it so personally?

Sex is obviously more risky for women than men. Obviously! And as you said, some women are happier to take more risks than others.

@Safiya7

The whole point of this thread is the safety comparison and why the hotel is perceived as more dangerous.

She doesn't want a relationship - she wants to have sex and at the same time not commit to anything. I don't see a problem with that. I did it a lot before I was married, not as one night stands but as very casual things. I don't think casual sex is bad.

Casual sex is not “bad” (not something I ever bothered with personally but each to their own). But if you are meeting random and more-or-less unknown men for sex regularly, there is an obvious risk, whether it’s in your home, his home, a hotel or the back of a car. How can you tell? Rapists and psychopaths come in many guises and you only need to be unlucky once.

To the posters saying most women wouldn't do this or no-one you know does this. Really?? Maybe they just don't tell you about it! I'm in a big city and this is not rare at all amongst the single people I know.

Once again infuriating people are trotting our the “ most women” comment....” most women wouldn’t do this.”..... “ I don’t know a single woman who would do this”.... what a load of bull shit. I can guarantee that some of you know people who do this they just don’t tell you about this. One whiff of criticism or disapproval from some of you and sure as shit no one is going to confide in you. And how well do you think you would need to know someone before you could be confident that they weren’t going to harm you? Most rapists are well known to the victim ( stranger rape being extremely rare) so even being in a relationship with the guy doesn’t prevent him from doing something untoward. That doesn’t mean you turn your common sense off though and I’d suggest anyone take the precautions outlined by previous posters. It certainly seems no more dangerous than meeting someone randomly in a club / bar.... the only caveat being that I would not want him to pre book the room. I would book the room.... in case he should have any ideas of having unexpected friends waiting.

I did this for a couple of years and had so much fun. Fiona needs to pull her judgy pants out of her arse. If she’s so concerned for Laura’s welfare she could be her ‘safe contact’ (I had one!)

Is she planning for them to arrive and check in together and for CCTV to get a very clear image of his face before they proceed to the bedroom?

Not that any of the above will help her in a rape trial, as several fairly recent high profile cases prove. It’s a false sense of security.

Meeting up with men purely for sex is risky behaviour full stop, no matter where she chooses to meet them.

Laura banging on about how it’s safer than this and safer than that, shows just how stupid and vulnerable she is.

I think Fiona isn't actually comfortable with a strictly for sexual gratification one night stand, she's carrying around old fashioned baggage about out of wedlock sex and she doesn't realize it. If a one night stand in a hotel is cheap then she, obviously is not. By going to her home or his she can pretend that this is potentially a first date potentially leading to a relationship, which is acceptable vs. a one night stand for sex only.

I like Laura's hotel plan, because there is a chance of calling for help or escaping into the semi public space of the hallway, which probably has security camera, if he gets scary. Plus, the sheets on the bed at home are as clean as she left them, and if she/they stay all night, there's room service. Room service is always good.

I see no real negatives with the hotel plan.

Call me old-fashioned, but I ask why she just can’t go on a date without booking hotels, or with the mindset of looking for a potential relationship?

Sounds like she doesn't want a relationship. She wants casual sex. If you just want sex no point in going on a full date. I'd probably meet the guy in a bar though in case I didn't fancy him in person (or he'd lied on his profile).

Well yes, the risk is not really knowing what motivates the man to have sex with a complete stranger. Does he also just want simple, no strings casual sex, or does he think he can be rougher and less considerate with a stranger he doesn't have to meet again? I wouldn't want to go straight to the bedroom with a man I had only spoken to online.

When you’ve only met someone online, how can you tell if you’re going to be attracted to them physically? Where is the opportunity for any sexual tension or connection to build up. I can’t imagine having any sex that’s worth it in those circumstances. As I said, each to their own, but, regardless if the safety aspect, I couldn’t be bothered with this. Too planned, too perfunctory. I don”t think that makes me a “pearl clutcher”. I would just want more from sex than that.

I think Laura is aware of the risks of one night stands and if the date is going to go bad then she is safer in a hotel where she has a chance of help as opposed to his house. And I wouldn’t want a one night stand to know where I live.

I also wouldn’t want my home to be the scene of the crime, much more visibility in a hotel, whoever said take his photo, that’s a good idea.

I hadn’t read the whole thread but my sister’s friend once went back to a hotel room with a guy she met on a first date and he murdered her. But it’s no less safe than going back to someone’s house or being with someone you met in a bar. Just make sure she’s gives someone all the information - name of hotel / guys profile.

Nope. No woman I know does this (contacts complete strangers online, then meets them, and shags them on the same night.)

And most women DON'T do it.

But if makes you feel better, trying to convince yourself that LOADS of women do it, then crack on!

I think meeting in a hotel is a sound plan, inasmuch as it signals that this is casual sex and not the beginning of a new relationship. It also means that your home isn't known.

I went on a date with a guy that didn't come to much. There was no sex. No chemistry and no real interest. It wasn't unpleasant, just flat. So, I paid up for my meal and called it a day.

But, holy shit, if that guy didn't hound me for bloody weeks via email. So, in the end I just stopped explaining "thanks, but no thanks" and just ignored him. Then came the wave of emotional blackmail, "please just message me so I know you're ok, I've just lost a good friend, I promise I won't bother you after that" so I text back that I'm still alive, cue more pleading...Thank fuck he didn't know where I lived, he had stalker written all over him At least I could draw a firm line under that shower of shite.

A hotel won't fix all the problems but, with that in mind, it at least fixes some of them.

Nope. No woman I know does this (contacts complete strangers online, then meets them, and shags them on the same night.)

But why would they tell you if they did? You have no way of knowing!

There's always risks with someone you barely know, wherever you are. I worked for a woman who took a one night stand to her hotel room on a work trip. He tied her up & beat her before leaving in the early hours & no one in the Hotel heard a thing. She managed to struggle free & call Reception. She was back at it on the next trip tho according to colleagues. I suppose you could let them know you've given a friend their name/phone no & they'll be calling too, to check that alls OK.

It wouldn’t surprise me if this thread was started by a man, trying to convince himself that all women are “up for it” if given half a chance. The whole premise with this “Laura and Fiona” is odd tbh.

That crossed my mind too @Safiya ^ That it's a man who started the thread, to try and see what comments women would post, to get him excited.

A lot of this is because people are just uncomfortable with being honest about casual sex. It's fine if you make the pretence of going on a date even if you have no intention of forming a relationship because it looks like a relationship might have happened but didn't work out. It's OK if you meet someone in a bar and get carried out because at least you didn't go out intending to have a one night stand. It's OK to meet someone you fancy at an art gallery or hobby because it was just chance and you weren't actually seeking sex out.

Fiona sounds like a bit of a tosser

There are always risks with anything in life.

I don't want the hassle of a relationship so did lots of casual dating when I was younger. Yes it could have ended differently but it didn't. In Laura's case I 'd be more worried that I wouldn't fancy them than anything else and if I didn't obviously I'd walk away.

I just think it is awful and tacky to willingly meet a complete stranger in a hotel just for sex. Almost like being a prostitute, isn't it?

Can you please explain why sex between 2 consenting adults is the same as being a prostitutes?

Your comment is offensive to females who like sex and females who are prostitutes.