to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

Crikey, you doubters on here do realise there are women who choose to go to swinging, dogging, bdsm clubs, sex parties and all sorts of sexual activities far more out there than NSA sex in a hotel room?

If any woman sees particular activities as “tacky” or “cheap” well, that is her perspective and she is entitled to it. The fact that “other women do it” is hardly going to change how she feels and it’s neither here nor there really.

I'm pretty easy going and think casual sex between two consenting adults is fine.

However, fuck me, men have it easy nowadays. No need to leave their house to meet a woman. No need to chat someone up. No need to ask her out. No need for a date. No attempt to wine and dine. No attempt to treat a woman nicely. Just sit in their pants in their mum's spare room on an app and meet women willing to have sex with absolutely no need to make an effort or even splash on some cheap aftershave.

I miss the good old days when a guy would have to dress nicely, go out, pluck up the courage to chat you up, swap numbers, buy you some drinks, call you up, plan a date, take you out for dinner.

Sad times.

@Safiya7

A woman or man can have whatever opinion they like on women who enjoy casual sex. No one has said they can't. However just as that woman is entitled to her opinion other women are entitled to think her opinion is irrational and they are entitled to explain why.

you only need to be unlucky once

Yep. I didn’t ever meet anyone for the purpose of sex but I did a lot of online dating. The guy who raped me was someone I’d spoken to for a while, nice personality (so I thought) respectful, no dodgy vibes, sex talk or dick pics. Basically no warning signs at all. We went on a date and he drugged me and raped me.

Your friend may think “oh but I’m going there willingly to have sex, so why would I be raped” but rapists don’t want consensual sex. They want to degrade and humiliate and hurt someone. And try getting a conviction if you are raped. Good luck with that!

As someone said upthread, it may be rare (but sadly nowadays I don’t think it’s as rare as you think) but the impact if it does happen is huge. I will never be the same again.

PositiveVibez - are you saying that prostitutes do not consent to sex?

However, fuck me, men have it easy nowadays. No need to leave their house to meet a woman. No need to chat someone up. No need for a date. No attempt to wine and dine

What a regressive sexist attitude. It sounds very clear that the woman in question doesn't want to be wined and dined - she can buy her own dinner and wine. She wants to have casual sex. If there are men who also want to have casual sex why do they have to make the pretence of going out to dinner and getting to know each other first if neither want to?

I'd much rather people who just want casual sex can just be honest about it - and go on tinder and get it. There are plenty of other dating apps for people who want a relationship and those people don't want a load of people who actually just want sex chatting them up and pretending to take an interest in them.

If it's too dangerous to meet someone off the internet for a date then it's basically too dangerous to meet anyone who isn't a mutual friend. The fact you met on the internet doesn't make them inherently more dangerous than someone you met anywhere else.

Your comment is offensive to females who like sex and females who are prostitutes

Stop taking offence on behalf of other people. Nothing happens. People are allowed an opinion which you may or may not agree with.

However, fuck me, men have it easy nowadays. No need to leave their house to meet a woman. No need to chat someone up. No need for a date. No attempt to wine and dine.

A PP finds this sexist, but I agree.

The bit about this I don't like is having to make specific plans/decisions because the man you're planning on having sex with might be dodgy. How about not having sex with someone unless you trust them? Granted there are shit bag partners who rape and commit sexual assault but I personally can't imagine getting naked by someone who worries me.

It's not really fair to bring up something Fiona did years ago - as I'm sure her argument would be 'and I've grown up since then and realise how risky that was'

It does somehow seem a little seedy though, however if she'd booked a hotel to stay in overnight on her own and then met him in a bar etc and decided she wanted to sleep with him and did so the same night in the same hotel room I don't think I'd feel the same way - so I don't think my logic is the most sound

If it's what she wants to do and neither of them is hurting anyone and they have safe sex though it's up to them

It sounds very clear that the woman in question doesn't want to be wined and dined - she can buy her own dinner and wine

That's not what it's about...men don't even have to have the chutzpah to approach a woman anymore...no need to have any chat/game/swag/banter...just swiping on a screen.

@formerbabe this had me howling. I cannot unsee it. Now I wonder what my DS is doing in his room.

Just sit in their pants in their mum's spare room

very regretfully I know someone who was murdered on such a date so I’m afraid she isn’t safe.

+@Asta19* so sorry that happened to you

@madeyemoodysmum

that's awful, i'm so sorry that that happened.

was that in a hotel? did they catch the person who did it?

I absolutely don't judge women who have casual sex, and did it myself a bit when young, but one; it's a bit mad to plan sex without even knowing if you have chemistry with that person, and two; i don't think the risk of rape is worth it, in a hotel room or a house. I imagine it's pretty common in this scenario to change your mind but say yes to unwanted sex, just to lessen the chance of getting raped.

Meeting men for whatever purpose, casual or not, is risky. You never quite know who they might be, online or in a bar. Or even friends of friends. I've met men on a casual basis previously and I look back and wonder how I felt safe. But I did and I was. There'll always be a tiny percentage of men who are dangerous but most of us will be lucky enough not to cross their paths.

Would not a sensible comprimise be to develop a few male FWB's perhaps that she can get to know and trust?.

I think that would appeal to a lot of single men?

PositiveVibez - are you saying that prostitutes do not consent to sex?

No I'm saying comparing it to a woman booking a hotel room cos she fancies a shag, is a whole different ball game to prostitution. There are a myriad of reasons why women need to prostitute themselves and wanting no strings attached sex is not one of them.

Saying that a woman is prostitution herself when she books a hotel room for 2 consenting adults, is NOT the same as a man paying a woman to use her body.

*prostituting

I think theres an argument that using sex as a bargaining chip for emotional commitment by not having sex until a man has emotionally invested in you, is more like prostitution. You are exchanging sex for something you value more there arent you.
Hooking up with someone once just for sex is the exact opposite of prostitution. You are purely there for the sex. Nothing is being traded at all.

@Asta19 really sorry to hear your experience. I hope you are as well as you can be and continue to feel better after this horrendous attack xx

Thanks crazyasafox for replying. I wondered as well if the thread was started by a man. I remember when I was a young teen boys would say things like, 'come on, all the other girls are doing it' or 'if you don't I'll find another girl who will'.

I often read on MN that when someone's other half has an affair it's always his fault and not so much the other woman's. I bet Laura never asks the men she's shagging if they are married or have someone at home waiting for them.

I wonder if some of the women here who are cheering Laura on here are having their husbands serviced by her.