to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

Can I ask why you wouldn’t be interested in more than just hook-ups, Jacques (don’t answer of course if you don’t want to)?

No desire to date.
No desire for a relationship.

Just not and won’t be interested.

I think pearl clutching is too strong. While it might be safer than other options, it's still not without its risks. 'Cheap' was unnecessary, but I think it's reasonable to assume it's 'out there' enough that it'll attract criticism. As to my own personal opinions, I don't really have any morally speaking she's free to do as she wishes, but I don't think it's a foolproof idea. If nothing else with all the protection in the world STDs will still be a risk, but obviously that goes for any casual sex. I'd be apprehensive being in a room with a stranger.

Well this never occurred to me. A tinder date with three mates waiting in the wings.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7102521/Hairdresser-flees-terror-Tinder-date-learning-catfished.html

Fiona is either loopy and inconsistent, or has actually been judging her "friend" all along and enjoying her sense of moral superiority. I see no reason why paying for a hotel room to have sex in is more "cheap" than inviting a stranger to your own home to have sex (it certainly isn't in the monetary sense!). I don't think it's safer, but then Laura is clearly not someone who seems hugely bothered by safety. Hopefully the not wanting this stranger in her own home is not because she distrusts him already and thinks he might have stalker tendencies, or she really does have an odd attitude to her personal safety!

Jacques - I’m a stranger in the internet do obviously take no notice of me if you don’t wish to, but that does sound quite defensive to me? Do you expect you’ll always feel the same way?

I think I’m defensive in the opposite way. If my marriage ended, I would not be looking to jump into a relationship either particularly, but I know I would find casual hookups psychologically damaging in the long term (or even short term). I think it’s very naive to think men and women have the same attitude to sex. I think my attitude stems from the fact I was sexually abused for years as a child and so, having survived that, I could never comprehend putting myself in a position in which men could believe they are using you. Even if they don’t say this to your face (well of course they wouldn’t). Even if you convince yourself it’s all equal because you’re using them in the same way, I still couldn’t imagine anything worse.

I’m a stranger in the internet do obviously take no notice of me if you don’t wish to, but that does sound quite defensive to me? Do you expect you’ll always feel the same way?

Not defensive for sure (just typing quickly on a train) Just how I feel. I will absolutely always feel the same way. For me it’s a very positive decision.

I still couldn’t imagine anything worse

Everything you’ve posted brings us back to the same end point. How one person conducts their sexual life doesn’t mean that will work for another. Neither/any way is more valid than the other, the simple fact is as long as you’re safe, consensual and doing what is right for you then that’s what is important.

"A cucumber from the fridge"

That’s brilliant.