to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

@justaboy FWB is the ideal for me but actually really difficult to find as I still have to like and fancy the guy and invest time in chatting online/going on dates. Every single guy is not a potential FWB. Lots of socially awkward ones out there!

Yeah none of that behaviour is the fault of women

But if they can get sex so easily there's literally no incentive for them to try to find the courage to speak to women or chat someone up face to face, make an effort with their appearance or step out of their house mums spare room to meet a woman.

What a bunch of wet lettuce losers the younger generation of men will be!

My objection is not about the morality of it.

But if they can get sex so easily there's literally no incentive for them to try to find the courage to speak to women or chat someone up face to face, make an effort with their appearance or step out of their house mums spare room to meet a woman

What a bunch of wet lettuce losers the younger generation of men will be!

My objection is not about the morality of it

Come on women, stop giving it up. It’s spoiling the men

shortaris1

Don’t mention FWB on MN. It’s like honey to a swarm of very judgemental bees

I rather think these "loser guys" aren't getting as much sex as you seem to think they are. In fact MRA types who think sex should be on tap like that, generally seem quite vexed it isn't happening for them.

I think “casual sex” is one thing and I guess you can take it or leave it. But literally turning up for sex with a man you have only got to know online? I mean how desperate can you really be?

And yes, I do think that the “gormless wonder” is at risk of becoming the new standard in society these days. It’s a quite pathetic and sad state of affairs. Women should expect more, frankly.

Don’t mention FWB on MN. It’s like honey to a swarm of very judgemental bees

It's hardly a fwb situation...the word 'friend' indicates a certain level of social interaction required.

It's hardly a fwb situation...the word 'friend' indicates a certain level of social interaction required

I’m referring to a poster who was discussing it, hence the use of their username. Rather than applying it to the OP. I know what a FWB is, I have one

I mean how desperate can you really be?

It’s kind of like misogyny bingo isn’t it

And yes, I do think that the “gormless wonder” is at risk of becoming the new standard in society these days

Yes...I remember years ago, you'd go to a bar or club and men would actually speak face to face with women they didn't know! If they wanted any form or sex/relationship, that was the only way to do it.

@Jacques I know right. If you don't want to be washing a man's pants there must be something wrong with you

I wouldn't personally do a Laura but only as I'd be concerned there'd be no spark. If there was then all good.

Yes...I remember years ago, you'd go to a bar or club and men would actually speak face to face with women they didn't know!

Everyone is different though! Bars/clubs bore me rigid. If the FWB thing ends, then i’ll use Tinder etc.

All good!

Oh no close down the internet, people are using it for social networking!!! Aieee.

Laura's view is flawed and your description of her reads very oddly . . .
Anyway, she is just as likely to be attacked in a hotel and its impersonal nature means other guests are much less likely to get involved or report seeing/hearing anything untoward.
I understand why she doesn't want a stranger knowing where she lives but meeting him in a hotel doesn't make her safer.
I also think it's silly for Laura to compare Fiona's actions when she was younger with her advice now. I'm sure most of us made misguided decisions when younger that we wouldn't repeat with hindsight or/and maturity.

I'd say a hotel is safer than her own house, as hopefully the presence of CCTV would deter anyone with criminal intentions.

For those saying how dangerous casual sex is, a local lady was recently murdered by her husband who she'd lived with for many years, so who's to say who is safe?

@JacquesHammer

I am inclined to agree with you about the judgmental comments about people meeting for sex that is consensual... i don't think my friend is "desperate", although maybe it is a rebound thing from her previous relationship ... either way, maybe I'm strange, but I used to love gossiping about casual sex encounters with my friends when I was younger! I don't think having casual sex means you're giving in to the desires of a man, women are just as sexual.

I am interested to know why @Safiya7 is so annoyed by this thread? is it the morality of it or the safety of it?

I don't think my friend would listen to me about morals, but perhaps if I approach her with some safety gone wrong stories, she may reconsider... but it's doubtful

A hotel is safer but Laura sounds a bit grubby tbh

Everyone is different though!
Bars/clubs bore me rigid. If the FWB thing ends, then i’ll use Tinder etc

But if you saw someone online and found him attractive based on a photo, what happens if when you meet face to face, you realise he's a gormless wonder, socially awkward or there's no chemistry? Attraction is more than just looks isn't it? At least if someone chats you up, you straight away know if there's a spark.

Anyway, like I said, it's less about morality for me and more about social interaction and the fact that confident, self assured men who are at ease with women seem to be a dying breed.

@LillithsFamiliar please report if you feel concerns about my description - I have name changed

what happens if when you meet face to face, you realise he's a gormless wonder, socially awkward or there's no chemistry?

Then you go home....meeting up isn’t a binding contract for sex!

I have three sons so if they hook up on tinder go to a hotel room have safe sex and leave I do not worry about them. Unless of course they are drugged and relieved of their wallets.

I do wonder if I would be more concerned if I had three daughters who did this?? I will never know of course.

Do you get out much, formerbabe? I see tons of perfectly functional men going about their business and failing to run screaming from interacting with women on the daily.

crazy kitten sorry to hear that. It sounds absolutely horrific.

I think that the danger is that being in a hotel room gives her a false sense of security, when the reality is that anything can happen once the door is closed. I would also worry that she feels pressurised into doing something she doesn't want, if she changes her mind, as the hotel room is booked or paid for. Meeting strangers online, in person, isn't safe, and there are many women who have been raped or murdered by them.

Is Laura planning on telling someone where she is going and letting them know the contact details of this man?

I think it sounds risky (but no more risky than going home with someone you met in a club) but that is Laura's call to make I suppose. I'd probably just advise her to tell someone where she is.

Fiona is being judgmental, if she only cared about Laura's safety she would not have used the word "cheap".

“It’s like misogyny bingo...”

Yes when you have women who have genuinely convinced themselves that “sex is just sex”, doesn’t matter too much who it’s with, etc, then you know misogyny has really done its work. Just as you have a whole new generation who believe it’s prudish or “pearl clutching” to say your not all A-ok with watching porn “because all men do it after all, why shouldn’t women do the same - it’s just sex.” And now that it appears that practises such as facials or being choked are “just sex” - hey, lets go with it! Any dimwit on-line will do because we're so liberated. No need to be fussy these days. Stop judging you anti-feminists!