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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last minute drop outs? CF’s? - Wedding

159 replies

Spiceupyourlife · 02/06/2019 17:58

(I am not a ‘bridezilla’. I have been pretty chilled out to this point!)

However....

Dp is a quiet softie (huge heart).
He has a really good group of old uni friends and we travelled all over the UK to their weddings.

When DP sent out our invites we got a couple of declines. Sad- but ‘it’s not a summons’ and people have lives - totally understood.

But the rest RSVP’s yes. Awesome.

We now get married in 5 days and over the last couple of weeks 4 more of his ‘friends’ have dropped out! The most recent today and I’ve already sent the seating chart to the printers 🤔. We’ve heard some wonderful excuses but nothing critical or unforeseen.

What’s worse is it’s a reasonably small wedding so their absence definitely will be felt.

I’m so sad for DP but also it’s just shit wedding etiquette. You don’t have to come, but if you RSVP yes...

AIBU to think that you’re a CF to RSVP yes and then ‘drop out’ so close to the big day?!?!

OP posts:
Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 02/06/2019 18:03

Maybe they are on here and feared a sausage butty?

Jemima232 · 02/06/2019 18:05

Or worse, a hog roast

creeps into a corner in despair

RedSheep73 · 02/06/2019 18:05

It does sound very rude, but what can you do other than say 'sod them' and have a brilliant time without them?

FilthyforFirth · 02/06/2019 18:06

My DH doesnt have loads of friends and one of his friends dropped out really close for a non reason. We had tight numbers for our ceremony and it really messed things up. You have my sympathy it is really not on.

Cryalot2 · 02/06/2019 18:07

Mau you both have a lovely day.
Normal rule on the invite is that there is a final date to RSVP by. And unless something unavoidable you stick to it.
We sadly caused a bride headaches once . Invited to a wedding and said we all going.
Problem Dh was in hospital and we were unsure if he would get out in time.
( he thankfully got out the night before) and we had a great time .
So hope all goes smoothly .

Original poster
Spiceupyourlife · 02/06/2019 18:08

@jemima

I agree! But I had actual REQUESTS for a hog roast 🙈 no idea why- I’m not a fan but several people excitedly asked me if we were having one!

OP posts:
BouncyTigger85 · 02/06/2019 18:10

Depends on the reasoning, we had a few people drop out last minute and most were very understandable reasons, however a couple of reasons were a bit Hmm such as someone who cancelled two days before because she was busy planning her wedding.Grin
Thankfully it was completely informal so we didn’t have seating plans etc so it wasn’t really a big deal.

spongedog · 02/06/2019 18:10

I am afraid people are just terribly casual these days. It is really thoughtless. As you say some of the excuses are just exactly that. I found I lost contact with people who didnt attend our wedding pretty quickly. It just showed that we had gone our different ways.

Hope you have a lovely day with committed friends and family who really want to be there.

Spam88 · 02/06/2019 18:10

Very annoying, but at least they've told you so you could invite some people in their place if you wanted. One of my cousins just didn't turn up.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 02/06/2019 18:11

OP I am sure you will have a lovely day regardless....the day is about you and your darling husband to be...just sit back after all the planning and enjoy your day....I wish you lots of happiness on your wedding day and going forward together...xxx

FriarTuck · 02/06/2019 18:11

Maybe they are on here and feared a sausage butty?
If there's a sausage butty going then I'm sure I could make it Grin

Lollypop701 · 02/06/2019 18:12

Yanbu. But people will only cancel if you are low priority. You learn who your friends are sometimes Confused

mrsed1987 · 02/06/2019 18:15

I had people not turn up on the day. At least you have been pre warned!

Strawberrypancakes · 02/06/2019 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 02/06/2019 18:22

YANBU. I'd be mortified to drop out of a wedding at the last minute. I'd only do it if something unforeseen and very important came up.

Ginger1982 · 02/06/2019 18:22

I think that's a shit thing to do unless you have a serious reason for not being able to go. I had one person not come to my wedding and every time I look at the printed seated plan, which isn't often, I think that he wasn't there (but I'm a bit anal!) 😆

krustykittens · 02/06/2019 18:24

Yep, I had a couple not turn up on the day. Total arseholes. Have a good day, OP, and forget about them.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 02/06/2019 18:24

If you give an area /date we could rally round and show up op?
Imagine!!

Lalliella · 02/06/2019 18:28

Friends of ours drove 3 hours to get to our wedding even though it was her due date! Sadly they were delayed on the way there so they missed the ceremony, they made it onto one photo, then she started getting twinges so they left and missed the meal! But they made the effort because they were proper friends. Sad for your DFiancé.

mynameisMrG · 02/06/2019 18:28

I had someone text me the night before to say they weren’t coming. I was furious. One of DHs friends just didn’t turn up and actually we didn’t notice. Think I would have preferred she did that. It caused unnecessary stress the night before the wedding. Haven’t spoken to her since

CasperGutman · 02/06/2019 18:28

I went to a wedding in Devon where the main meal was a hog roast. I feared the worst, but actually it was fab - like the best ever Sunday lunch with great roast potatoes, stuffing, crackling, parsnips, veg etc. And a massive pig on a spit as a centrepiece like some medieval feast. Wonderful!

Emelene · 02/06/2019 18:29

That's rubbish of his "friends"... I had a couple make an excuse right after the ceremony and leave, even though we paid for their meals and everything. Hmm At least they came I guess.

MrsxRocky · 02/06/2019 18:31

A friend of mine didn't turn up at all. She said she got stuck in traffic and then went home. I don't think she even left the house. Our friendship was never quite the same.
Again small wedding so felt very snubbed.

Slicedpineapple · 02/06/2019 18:33

I had somebody drop out 5 days before - CF who clearly never had any intentions of actually coming. Ended up with 4 empty places on the day.

Honestly, wouldn't have noticed. Bit annoying that you pay for catering and then people don't bother but we had such a great day that I didn't care. And that was only a small wedding.

Sorry people have flaked on you OP but don't let it effect your day.

OutInTheCountry · 02/06/2019 18:34

Sorry OP, that's incredibly rude and shitty of them. How many of that group are still coming?