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AIBU?

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Original poster

Last minute drop outs? CF’s? - Wedding

159 replies

Spiceupyourlife · 02/06/2019 17:58

(I am not a ‘bridezilla’. I have been pretty chilled out to this point!)

However....

Dp is a quiet softie (huge heart).
He has a really good group of old uni friends and we travelled all over the UK to their weddings.

When DP sent out our invites we got a couple of declines. Sad- but ‘it’s not a summons’ and people have lives - totally understood.

But the rest RSVP’s yes. Awesome.

We now get married in 5 days and over the last couple of weeks 4 more of his ‘friends’ have dropped out! The most recent today and I’ve already sent the seating chart to the printers 🤔. We’ve heard some wonderful excuses but nothing critical or unforeseen.

What’s worse is it’s a reasonably small wedding so their absence definitely will be felt.

I’m so sad for DP but also it’s just shit wedding etiquette. You don’t have to come, but if you RSVP yes...

AIBU to think that you’re a CF to RSVP yes and then ‘drop out’ so close to the big day?!?!

OP posts:
Strawberrypancakes · 03/06/2019 04:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PregnantSea · 03/06/2019 04:57

Unless something really serious has happened then it is very rude to cancel 5 days before the wedding. I'm surprised that anyone wouldn't agree with that.

As others have said there is nothing you can do now. Just be aware that they have now shown you how bothered they are about you, so follow their lead. Don't make any special effort for them in the future.

PregnantSea · 03/06/2019 05:00

Strawberry pancakes omg that is ridiculous! If it's any consolation I'm sure she made an absolute fool of herself at your wedding Blush I would have been embarrassed for her...

livefornaps · 03/06/2019 05:09

Well make sure you bloody well tell them what you think, however meek your dp is.

"Shockingly rude. Don't suppose you'll be stumping up the cash we wasted on you. Do you ever even think about anyone else? You fucking arseholes"

Would be my reply. People don't get pulled up enough on their bullshit.

EllenRachel · 03/06/2019 05:32

Our best man dropped out for a totally understandable reason but turned out he was exaggerating. Couple of years later he invited our daughter to his son's birthday party but with no details apart from date and time - when we asked he said it had been cancelled. His wife put pics on Facebook of a big, extravagant party that was definitely not cancelled! Really annoys me and I have no time for him. My husband rarely sees him but they talk and text a lot and my husband has never called him out on it. Drives me round the bend.

OP - I'd be really disappointed too.

2Brieornot2Brie · 03/06/2019 05:59

A close friend of mine just didn’t turn up. We haven’t spoken since. The worst thing was that she had arranged to travel (north to south London) with another friend. The second friend spent 20 minutes trying to contact her to see why she wasn’t at the meeting point before giving up and coming by herself.

Conversely one of DH’s cousin died 10 days before our wedding. We fully expected his aunt and uncle to cancel but they travelled from Cambridge to south London just for the ceremony. They said they couldn’t face the reception and meal and the general celebrations but wouldn’t have missed actually see us getting married.

Eliza9919 · 03/06/2019 07:39

@Gertie75 What are their excuses?

At our wedding Dh's uncle, aunt and their 2 adult children with partners cancelled on the morning of the wedding because there had been a flood at the place they keep their caravan, no idea why all 6 of them had to go to check it.

They were probably away and couldn't be bothered to come back. Have you kept in touch with them since?

Eustasiavye · 03/06/2019 08:04

Reminds me of the time I was going to a good friends hen do. I was supposed to be travelling with another friend, just the 2 of us. Everyone else lived in the opposite direction. Half an hour before I was meeting my friend the hen rang me frantically telling me the other friend had cancelled without any explanation. I had no idea how to get to the venue without her. The hen arranged for her future husband to come and get me and take me to the venue. It was miles out of his way.
We had a great time in the end.
The other friend did go to the wedding but left early saying she had another "do" to go to!

Idontwanttotalk · 03/06/2019 08:09

I'm so sorry OP and agree that it is totally shit wedding etiquette.

Reading this thread makes me wonder why people are so blooming flaky. Is it that people don't like to say they can't afford to attend what with new outfits, a gift, travelling and perhaps hotel stays?

I also wonder if, when people have lived together for a long time, people don't see it as so important to attend. I know the days are gone when most young women and men married young and still lived at home, but I wonder if that felt more important. It was more if an obvious big change in their lives - leaving their childhood homes.

Just not turning up is so rude as is giving last minute flaky excuses. Where do these people get the idea that just doing that is acceptable? They certainly aren't true friends.

glittereyelash · 03/06/2019 09:04

I had six people drop out the day of the wedding. It's tough but it happens don't let it spoil your day ❤️

WMPAGL · 03/06/2019 09:17

YANBU, that is incredibly bad manners. The only wedding I've ducked out of after RSVP-ing was when I had an infection with a real fever brewing and even then I made the ceremony, just couldn't stay for the reception (and I felt terrible about that!)

More recently I've declined one wedding invitation in advance on the basis that I'm not sure whether or not I will have recovered sufficiently from an upcoming operation. I would rather decline now than possibly put them to any trouble later by backing out last minute. I've explained and sent a gift and they were very gracious about it.

I'm not sure what the excuses were but surely at least some could have foreseen the issue?!

SparkyBlue · 03/06/2019 09:29

OP please don't stress about it and I hope you have a wonderful day . I think unfortunately this type of thing is all part of wedding planning. I had a biggish wedding with approx 170 guests and had a couple of no shows on the day but the excuse was very genuine so I just had to suck it up even though the two empty seats annoyed me as I had to pay for the meals. I know even though the rsvp is on such and such a date I think people often expect that the final numbers are only reconfirmed with the venue several days in advance so it gives them time to pull out despite having accepted the invitation

daisychain01 · 03/06/2019 11:52

No worries OP, I'll be happy to come along and make up the numbers. Don't worry I don't need a hog road, sausage butty or anything. Just a nice glass to toast your happiness.

In fact here you are, drink on me Wine

As long as you and your fiancé are there, sod the rest of 'em!

Gertie75 · 03/06/2019 12:43

Eliza9919 They were at home and had a phonecall to say the site had flooded, I can kind of understand the uncle going although there's not much he could've done but don't see why the aunt and kids chose to go.

We still swap cards at Christmas etc but don't see them other than funerals and the odd family party.

AgentPeggyCarter · 03/06/2019 13:15

YANBU.

Massively outing, but DH had a long-time friend who (along with her husband) just didn’t turn up to our wedding, didn’t say anything in advance and didn’t text on the day. About a week after we got back from honeymoon she messaged him to say her husband had a stomach bug on the morning of the wedding, and she’d decided to go without him but then when she got the car out she realised it needed petrol and she wasn’t sure how to put it in and he was too ill to come out and show her. So she didn’t come.

Funnily enough DH has never spoken to her again. I get maybe she was nervous coming alone (although she didn’t worry about that when DH spent his thirtieth birthday with no plus one at her wedding where he literally only knew her) but if nothing else make up a better excuse. ‘I wasn’t interested enough to put petrol in the car’ is a pretty low bar!

Have an amazing wedding OP and I hope this doesn’t bother your soon to be DH too much.

rattusrattus20 · 03/06/2019 13:19

not great. i had a couple of 'on the day' no-shows, that was 10 yrs ago, i've barely spoken to them since, honestly. one i was half expecting he was in a huff because we'd not invited his other half [of the time, who we'd not met, & proved, as we expected at the time, to be just another one amongst dozens of predessors & successors], the other pretty much out the blue.

motherofcats81 · 03/06/2019 13:37

What are their reasons OP? I think it's very bad form, but of course if they have been hospitalized or something that's a bit different!

thinkfast · 03/06/2019 14:35

I had 6 people drop out on the day...2 people I hadn't invited show up....and one of the couples who cancelled on the day (saying they had flu) turned up and claimed to not remember cancelling Hmm

Plus a cousin's girlfriend who turned up with a bottle of archers. As she thought we wouldn't be serving archers (she was right!)

Ihatehashtags · 03/06/2019 15:12

People are very flaky. I had two so called good friends not rsvp at all. I had to chase them up one week before the wedding and they told me via text they weren’t coming. Such bullshit behaviour. We are no longer friends.

careroftwins · 03/06/2019 17:41

It happens all the time. I had an entire family group cancel the day before. It was a whole table. I asked some friends last minute who were happy to come. The next day, as I was setting off to the ceremony, I had a call to say that the ones who had cancelled had changed their minds and had come after all. I then had to ask the venue to set up another table and produce eight more meals at literally the last minute. Luckily they did.

ArtichokeAardvark · 03/06/2019 17:59

Awful manners. I had someone text me the morning of my wedding to say she wasn't coming... Last thing I needed to deal with 3 hours before I was due at the church!

Pinkprincess1978 · 03/06/2019 18:02

This sadly happens all the time and it is rude.

I have been to a few weddings where one friend didn't arrive - but don't worry we made sure their share of the food and drink was consumed 😂

Years ago we were invited very last minute by a 2nd cousin once removed as she had, had a lot of people drop out days before the wedding and didn't want the food to be wasted. Unfortunately money was tight so we couldn't afford the travel and drinks so didn't take her up on that.

Finally, my own wedding... I received a text from a friend apologising she couldn't come that night as she didn't feel well - I had to reply that she had missed it as it was the day before! Thankfully we didn't have a sit down meal and only a buffet so nothing was lost.

Enjoy your day and try not to let these people affect you.

Jemima232 · 03/06/2019 18:07

Regardless of the catering, OP, I'm so sorry your DP's "friends" have pulled this stunt on you both. Really shitty of them.

Mitzimaybe · 03/06/2019 18:09

It's very rude of them. DH's cousin asked us repeatedly "where's my wedding invitation?" before we sent them out. RSVP'd yes. Didn't turn up. Never heard why (we would have heard if it was a good reason.) Just rude.

TreeSunset · 03/06/2019 18:11

Sorry they aren’t coming. But it’s completely okay to ask other people. At last minute my DH was invited whereas before it was just me. We also asked friends who were coming to the evening if they would like to come to the day as they were travelling anyway. None of this “I was good enough for the first cut” just good friends who appreciated that both weddings were only 50 guests to start with.

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