Last minute drop outs? CF’s? - Wedding

[Spiceupyourlife]

(I am not a ‘bridezilla’. I have been pretty chilled out to this point!)

However....

Dp is a quiet softie (huge heart).
He has a really good group of old uni friends and we travelled all over the UK to their weddings.

When DP sent out our invites we got a couple of declines. Sad- but ‘it’s not a summons’ and people have lives - totally understood.

But the rest RSVP’s yes. Awesome.

We now get married in 5 days and over the last couple of weeks 4 more of his ‘friends’ have dropped out! The most recent today and I’ve already sent the seating chart to the printers 🤔. We’ve heard some wonderful excuses but nothing critical or unforeseen.

What’s worse is it’s a reasonably small wedding so their absence definitely will be felt.

I’m so sad for DP but also it’s just shit wedding etiquette. You don’t have to come, but if you RSVP yes...

AIBU to think that you’re a CF to RSVP yes and then ‘drop out’ so close to the big day?!?!

There's something about weddings which makes people behave oddly. I won't bore you with my disastrous hen do fiasco but I had a friend I went to school and college with. She moved away for uni and we didn't see each other that often but still friends. She was only coming to my evening do but she had confirmed etc. The night before, I got a text just saying sorry, I cant come. No excuse, no regret, no congratulations. Even after the wedding, I got nothing. I was gobsmacked! It wasn't just cancelling a night out with the girls, it was my wedding. I just didn't understand the flippant attitude. This was 2004 and I've never spoken to her since. Also had people not RSVPing then saying "oh I just thought you knew I would be" - because they were family, I suppose. And also, family members just not coming because they'd just come back from holiday and were jet lagged.

I think it's very rude unless they had a health emergency or something.

I feel for you. It is annoying.

I sent an invite to a friend of mine, followed by an email and a text message, and heard nothing.

A week after my wedding, he messaged me to say that he was sorry he wouldn't be able to come to my wedding that weekend.

I informed him that I had in fact got married the week before and then cut contact.

Some people are just selfish idiots. You can't change them, all you can do is ignore them and enjoy your wedding.

I think that that's really rude unless something very important has come up.

I had a good friend cancel 2 days before our fairly small wedding with spurious reasons like being busy and tired. Our seating plan was printed and I had even made a personalised party bag for each of her children. Well she got binned. It’s been nearly 10 years. I don’t know where manners are these days. I mean cancel meeting for coffee but not a good friend’s wedding! It’s sad that’s it happened to so many others.

totally misses the point of the thread

What's wrong with a hog roast?!

We had a family of 5 drop out two weeks before, and in the week running up to the wedding, I was chasing my aunt and two friends to basically confirm that they weren’t coming.

My aunt replied to my voicemail by text, one friend did call and apologise. The other never replied - he then tried calling the morning of my wedding but I didn’t pick up & haven’t spoken to him since.

We found that the best people to invite to the wedding - ie the ones who were most responsive, and replied quickly, were people who had got married themselves in the last 5 years and remember what a nightmare it can be!!

I had a very small wedding and someone I classed as a very good friend didn't turn up and didn't let me know until 3 hours after the ceremony..which was at 5pm...

I had to discreetly ask to remove his and his +1's place setting after I realised whilst having the photos taken. It was embarrassing and expensive and very obvious that one of my 5 tables were two seats short.

I've not spoken to him since.

Just wait for the ones that dont turn up on the day too.

That's very rude OP! But they're just not worth it to let that be the focus of your and soon to be DH's special day.

Three guests let us down; (1) a first cousin who was apparently unwell and her mum told us on the day- I then saw on FB that she went away on a spa break!! (2 and 3) a couple where the DH was a family friend for about 25 years and his wife texted me whilst I was in the car with my DF en-route to ceremony saying that they had to take their ds to hospital- wife had a track record of being a compulsive liar with various people and her DH later admitted to a sibling of mine that their ds was fine, not in hospital. Have not spoken to these people since and have no plan on doing so.

So OP you'll see that some people are so low that they'll use their kids as an excuse without good reason! You both enjoy and you won't realise that they're not there x

We were really tight on funds so had a small day do. There were only 50 invited which was really difficult for us but we had just had a baby and didn't want to get into debt. The week of our wedding 8 people dropped out! That was a few years ago and I'm still pissed!

I think a lot of this is down to the change in attitudes towards weddings and modern lifestyles.
Back in the day a couple would marry in the local church where the bride lived and always almost on a Saturday when people did not have to worry about getting time off.This ment that the vast majority of guests did not have far to travel as the young bride and groom would live and work near their family.
Children were invited and so too were wives/husbands. The reception would be a full blown 3 course meal. Guests would buy a gift they could afford from the gift list. Invites would be official written ones no texts, phone calls or emails just an official written invite asking guests to RSVP to the bride's parents by a stipulated date.
Nowadays it's all very casual.
There is no excuse for dropping out after accepting ( well there is but only due to exceptional circumstances). However I think the whole casualness of a lot of weddings allows people to be more indifferent.
I wouldn't bother with these so called friends again unless your fiance really wants to.

I had three no-shows from old "friends" at my wedding and on the day? Couldn't have given a flying fuck. Sure there's the cost but what can you do. Don't let it cloud what matters and you'll have more room on the dance floor to strut your stuff. Just make sure you get the champers they were meant to have for the toast.

Also to note I've not seen said "friends" since and my life isn't any less richer for it.

We had 6 people do this to us (all one family) although they just didn't turn up rather than decline ahead of the wedding. Afterwards, DH's aunts told us that they usually do that. It would have been nice to have been given the heads up. We had paid for their catering and drinks etc. At the least the drinks were reallocated...but it's just really out of order....not to mention that we had an empty table at the reception.

What are their excuses?

At our wedding Dh's uncle, aunt and their 2 adult children with partners cancelled on the morning of the wedding because there had been a flood at the place they keep their caravan, no idea why all 6 of them had to go to check it.

DH's aunt, uncle and cousin dropped out on the day because the cousin had chicken pox. That's the kind of excuse that is needed for a last minute drop out. Not 'jet lag' or quite frankly 'rude-itis'!

Don't let this bother you, wishing you congratulations on your wedding. Have a wonderful day

I wish people considered the cost of catering for them before deciding just to not bother turning up or dropping out last minute. I'm worried about the same thing happening at our wedding later this year, and at £60-odd a head I'm half tempted to send a bill to anyone who doesn't turn up without a great reason.

Even after the wedding, I got nothing

That reminds me, the two “best men” who cancelled on my husband never even bothered to send a card or even a text message to wish us well.

Ugh. Some people are just awful.

Two of my friends asked if they could bring their dog, after I said not really as she wouldn’t be allowed in the ceremony or restaurant, they waited till the day before and cancelled because they were finding it to stressful to leave her. I haven’t spoken to either of them since.

Two of my friends asked if they could bring their dog, after I said not really as she wouldn’t be allowed in the ceremony or restaurant, they waited till the day before and cancelled because they were finding it to stressful to leave her.

I think this is the front runner at this point. You were stood up for an animal that spends most of it's time sleeping.

I had a small wedding, about 60. We still had four last minute cancellations. They all waited until the day after I had to give the final meal count to the restaurant where we were having the reception dinner.

I had one couple leave after the ceremony, two meals wasted. One friend who didn't turn up on the day because her daughter had a cold and her husband couldn't possibly look after her himself (he was never attending because he's not social).

Just ignore them and enjoy your wedding Perfect advice.

Its rude and I can see why you are upset! But these things happen I guess...not much you can do.
I had some no shows on the actual day of the wedding.
One from my MIL who rang my husband half an hour before the ceremony was about to begin to say she wasnt coming. He was literally stood at the alter in position when he took the call and people were sat down in the aisles. So he could rearrange the seating so there was just an empty seat right at the front with her name written on it throughout the service. I dont know what people thought.
I've never quite got over it tbh. Just because it was so stressful for my poor husband. Hes her only child. This was his first and only wedding. Cannot believe she did that.

But we none the less had an amazing wedding which really was one of the best days of my life.

And I'm sure you will too OP! Congratulations and enjoy your day