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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed about this?

259 replies

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:26

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

OP posts:
Recavanometer · 01/06/2019 13:28

Wow is he always that cheap?

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:30

No he’s normally really generous! I just think this situation is really weird?
I thought afterwards maybe he didn’t want to just spoil SD by buying her the bag and pretended it’s half for me? But why?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 01/06/2019 13:30

He sounds ridiculously tight - I wouldn’t be able to put up with such a miser partner!

CalmdownJanet · 01/06/2019 13:31

That's beyond weird! Text back "Eh nope it's not half mine, I'm not a teenager, I'm not sharing a bag, you are being really weird and actually it's really off that you are trying to sell it to me in such a way that I should almost be grateful for this ridiculous suggestion"

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:32

We’ve been together for just shy of 4 years and he’s never behaved this oddly 😂
I’m just confused. Do you think I’m being unreasonable to have expected him to buy me something for just me?

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 01/06/2019 13:32

Either he's stupid or thinks you are. Just laugh in his face if he repeats his strange suggestion again.

And yes, he's a cheap twat.

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:33

I’m perfectly happy for him to have bought SD whatever he wants to, his DD, his money

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 01/06/2019 13:35

I need to know what you text back. Seriously nbu, you need to point out how fucking tight and bizarre this is

Recavanometer · 01/06/2019 13:36

That sounds to me like he knows he did a crappy job in relation to your birthday and thought he’d see could he get some of the joy his daughter feels with the bag, to rub on to you. Cheap shot.

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:37

He’s making out like he’s “treated me”.
To 50% of a relatively cheap handbag. Full price it was only £130 and I was considering buying it next payday.
I would have liked the bag if he’d bought it solely for me and I’m happy for SD to have had it bought for her. But the sharing idea is really fucking weird.

Plus I have lots of lovely designer handbags so there’s no way I’m ever going to ask SD to hand it over, how mean would that be 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 01/06/2019 13:39

I have an image in my head of you and SD walking down the road, each holding onto a handle of the bag, swinging it between you.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 01/06/2019 13:42

His behaviour is bizarre.

NannyRed · 01/06/2019 13:45

That’s beyond cheap!
I’d honestly start weighing up the alternatives, I couldn’t live with someone that tight and that insensitive.

Thehop · 01/06/2019 13:46

This is the weirdest thing ever.

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:46

I’ve just spoken to him and said it’s a bit weird and I’m happy for SD to just keep the bag and he’s got all huffy and said “Well I expected a thank you, but never mind”.

Whatttt??!!! Am I living in a parallel universe where girlfriends are expected to share items with their partner’s daughters and be grateful. I’m so confused I’m finding it really funny 😂

OP posts:
Thehop · 01/06/2019 13:46

“No thanks, I’m not sharing a bag or my birthday night away!”

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:47

“Well I knew you wanted it and so did SD so I gave her half”

Why though? Why not just buy it for either one of us? This is so weird 😂

OP posts:
Knitclubchatter · 01/06/2019 13:47

Father’s Day coming up, buy a cheap belt tell him it’s to share with his son...50/50 he can have it Jan-June.

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:48

He doesn’t have a son, but I could say I’ve bought you this but only 50% of it, the other half of it belongs to my dad

OP posts:
SmellMySmellbow · 01/06/2019 13:50

He's being a tight fisted weirdo, no doubt.

Cherrysoup · 01/06/2019 13:50

That’s so fucking weird. Share a handbag? That’s batshit. Tell him we all think he’s ridiculous. Did he know you had that specific handbag saved?

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:50

But why? He’s never been a tight fisted weirdo before.
Why not just treat his DD to the bag?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 13:51

That's just the oddest thing. He's clearly thought it was a cheap way to buy you a belated birthday gift. Has he got money issues?

How the fuck would you share a handbag with a 14 year old who doesn't live with you. And if he knew you wanted it, why didn't he just buy it for you if he doesn't have money problems.

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:52

@Cherrysoup probably not beforehand but he definitely did after the conversation I had with SD because she sent me the picture saying “This is the one you liked isn’t it” and sent the price.

OP posts:
SmellMySmellbow · 01/06/2019 13:52

Does he buy his kids stuff outside of birthdays and christmas normally? Little treats?