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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this?

259 replies

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:26

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

OP posts:
Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:09

Now you know why he split with the mother of his kids nope that’s because she was shagging her colleague Grin

This is the thing, in 4 years he’s never been anything but overly generous with me, his kids, my kids, all of us!
That’s why I’m finding this so strange!

OP posts:
PCohle · 01/06/2019 14:10

That's just weird. Is it because he's a man he doesn't really "get" handbags and thinks it's like sharing a video game or something?

I think it was a bit weird of him not to encourage his DD to pick a different bag anyway. I appreciate you think it isn't a malicious thing, but her sending you a pic of a bag you wanted and then choosing it for herself seems a bit mean.

Tonkerbea · 01/06/2019 14:10

Why didn't he just buy two if he wanted to please both of you.

The fact he expects your gratitude for such a half hearted and weird gesture is a bit off putting.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:11

Hmmm ok well you seem adamant it's the daughters fault she wants what you want and he was just trying to be nice and the reason he didn't get you anything for your birthday is he's just disorganised.

So why post if you know why he's done it and the daughter is to blame?

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:12

her sending you a pic of a bag you wanted and then choosing it for herself seems a bit mean nah she’s just a normal self-centred teenager at times. It wouldn’t have been done out of spite but more “look I’m cool with the bag you liked too”.

Why didn't he just buy two if he wanted to please both of you
I’m guessing there was only one? Or maybe he didn’t want to spend £100, I don’t know to be honest

OP posts:
Treaclesweet · 01/06/2019 14:14

So weird! Have you told him it's weird? Maybe he thought it was a nice thing? Like a bag you can enjoy together? (Clutching at straws).

Mine can be disorganised, I find it helps to spell out very clearly what I want, with reminders. Then I'm not disappointed.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:14

nah she’s just a normal self-centred teenager at times. It wouldn’t have been done out of spite but more “look I’m cool with the bag you liked too”.

I don't know any teenager who would do this to someone they liked,

And how would he have spent 100 quid. He only spent fifty as it was.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:14

Sorry twenty five,

Sparkletastic · 01/06/2019 14:15

How utterly bizarre. Buy him a bottle of his favourite booze for Fathers Day. Draw a line with marker pen halfway down. Tell him that's your dad's half.

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:15

you seem adamant it's the daughters fault
No not at all, she wanted it but he could have said “No I’m buying it for Fanjo”.
I don’t even mind him buying it for her, he can treat her if he likes but it’s weird to ask us to share

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/06/2019 14:15

For his birthday I would shag his best friend and when he complains say, "Oh I thought you liked to share."

I've never heard of such a stupid thing as a grown woman having to share a handbag with a 14 year old who doesn't even live with her. He's insane.

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:16

@Bluntness100 the hundred quid comment was in response to the question as to why he didn’t buy two. 2 x £50 = £100

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 01/06/2019 14:17

Hmmm ok well you seem adamant it's the daughters fault

What? How have you come to that conclusion?

diddl · 01/06/2019 14:19

Anyone else want to see the bag?

Yeah, it's an odd thing to do.

He could have said no to her, asked Op if there was another she would have liked.

I presume he knows that you like the bag & wouldn't have minded it for your bday?

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 01/06/2019 14:23

"Adamant it's the daughter's fault?!" Hmm
What thread are you reading? I think the OP sounds remarkably chilled and pleasant towards the dd. And surprisingly laid back tone only puzzled by her dp's behaviour. I'd have swung for him by now, particularly after the sarky expectation of a thank you.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:29

Maybe I am reading a different thread, but I'm sure I've read the op saying it only would be because the step daughter wanted the bag, was quite self centred that way, typical of teens, and he would just have done it to try to keep both happy? Confused

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:29

Anyone else want to see the bag?

It’s a grey Ted Baker bag with pink pearls on the front, nice but nothing extraordinary to be honest. I just like it and thought would go with quite a lot of my outfits

OP posts:
supersop60 · 01/06/2019 14:29

Apart from being weird and twattish, is he just one those men who don't understand handbags?

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:31

@Bluntness100 she’s a normal teenager. I get on with her very well but aren’t most teenagers a bit selfish? It wasn’t a personal attack of her, I like her very much

OP posts:
supersop60 · 01/06/2019 14:31

It's just reminded me of a cardigan that dsis, dm and I used to share. It was a big chunky knit in autumnal colours. It suited all of us.
We used to call it THE cardigan.

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:32

@supersop60 maybe.
I think I may have to just laugh it off and explain it as in “imagine I bought you a nice new jacket and told you you had to share it with my brother”. It’s weird, very weird

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 01/06/2019 14:36

I don't get why you are saying this isn't financial tightness when he got you the sum total of fuck all for your birthday Confused you are deluding yourself, he is a tight arsed weird fucker, like this is funny it's so weird but it's actually not funny because he genuinely got huffy and genuinely expects you to be grateful

S1naidSucks · 01/06/2019 14:36

Has there been a change in your relationship, recently? Have you just decided to live together, have a child, get married, etc?

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:39

@S1naidSucks we got engaged on NYE so not that recently? Why would that be relevant?

OP posts:
TodaysFishIsTroutALaCreme · 01/06/2019 14:43

If he wants a thank you, give him half of a thank you. ThYo or AnkU?