To be annoyed about this?

[FanjoFizz]

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

@Downunderduchess Christmas I got an assortment of stuff, make up, perfume and some designer earrings. Last birthday he got me some nice jewellery.

It’s just when he actually has to organise a trip or something that he’s shit it seems.

Sharing a bag, I’ve heard it all now...

I agree with PP who suggested buying a Fathers Day present for him and saying he has to share it with his child or your child, whichever suits. Either that or LTB because he sounds like a cheap, selfish piece of shit tbh.

Op did he book your night away?
Nope. Not yet. He said yesterday “we’ll book it today”.
I said “we’ll do no such thing, you’ll book it because I’m not organising my own birthday surprise”.

He said he wants me to pick because he keeps suggesting seaside places which I don’t want, we live in literally the furthest place we could possibly be from the sea in the UK (honestly, the centre of England geographically is 0.5 miles from my house) and I can’t take time off so won’t get home on the Friday evening until 6pm so I don’t want to spend 3-4 hours driving and seduce somewhere at 10pm effectively writing off the first night.
That’s reasonable, yes?

Also I prefer city breaks anyway, I like lively places anyway. I’m not really a sit by the seaside and eat fish and chips person. I want nice bars and restaurants. I think he’s forgotten it’s my birthday treat.

To put it into perspective I’m going to a gig at Wembley arena in 2 weeks time with a friend. It took all of 10 mins to book a decent hotel and trains and cost £200 for 2 people. It’s not difficult to do and requires minimal effort.

seduce somewhere at 10pm?! 😂

I meant arrive

Well, seduce would be nice. Probably.

YANBU.

Why don't you give him a location? Like Manchester or London or brum? Tell him to book somewhere central?

I'd also ask why you need to do it on a Friday after work, Saturday would be better unless other commitments?

It's fine not wanting to book it, but I'd tell him where you want to go. I always tell my husband what I want, otherwise it doesn't go well.

I use one type of Laura mercier body lotion, one year I said to get the lotion and shower gel as my birthday and Xmas is two days apart, so that was two gifts right?

So he bought me the lotion, shower gel and the body soufflé for my birthday as he decided it wasn't enough to just buy one, and saw rhe gift set containing all three on the same website, so bought that for my Xmas.

so I literally got the exact same present on my birthday as I did two days later on Xmas day. Literally identical apart from the packaging. Our daughter sat there with her mouth hanging open when I opened it and demanded he consulted with her in future before attempting gift buying 🤣🤣🤣

Travelling up Friday means you can wake up at the location, have nice breakfast and really make the most of the day. Otherwise you're getting up early, spending the morning travelling, need a shower/change of clothes when you get there, so you're missing out half the day and it's not half so relaxing.

I'd also ask why you need to do it on a Friday after work, Saturday would be better unless other commitments?

Because we’d only get one night away if we went on the Saturday and we’d then lose half that day to travelling if we went 3-4hours away wouldn’t we. Even if we left at 9am we’d arrive after midday.

We’ve not had a night away on our own in two fucking years. I asked for one weekend (i.e. 2 nights).

I don’t want to have to pick it myself, I wanted a surprise. A quick 10 second google search of places within 1-2 hours of our hometown gave a list of at least 8 decent places. It’s minimal effort

I’ve ended up having a little rage at him. He thinks I’m being spoiled for not wanting to arrange my own birthday surprise.
That’s all I asked for, a surprise birthday weekend away. I put so much effort into gifts for him, thoughtful things that I know he’d like and enjoy

I hope he does this for you, OP.

Didn’t you ask why he hadn’t bought you a birthday present? What happened to the night away?

He’s just sent me a screenshot of a booking for an apartment next to Covent Garden.
I’m still hurt though. It took me to get angry with him before he put any effort in.

Didn’t you ask why he hadn’t bought you a birthday present?
Nope. I felt embarrassed and upset.

You're really not selling him as much of a catch.... he is sounding like more and more of an a'hole with every update

You keep saying he’s so generous but you’ve given literally no indication of how? He seems completely thoughtless. I appreciate you wanted to treat your DSD’s, but why when he was going too? Your daughter gets tickets as a birthday or Christmas gift but his gets them because it’s nice?

It’s very telling that he’s competent at work but useless at home. You’re just not any sort of a priority.

I appreciate you wanted to treat your DSD’s, but why when he was going too?
He wasn’t going, I booked for all of us because I wanted him to come. He wasn’t bordered, he doesn’t particularly like the person we went to see. I wanted him there to help with the 3 kids.

I’m not surprised at the rage op, it’s all just a little bit what you want /enjoy doesn’t matter isn’t it?
Ditto the booking time off without checking with you, where he knows bloody well he doesn’t go along with your free time. I’d take your own dd on the break you want on the weekend you want, tell him he’s gotten you nothing for your birthday so that’s how birthdays work this year and he can try again next year. I mean - all that ‘I was being nice’if he was trying to give you a hug and kicked you in the shins is that your fault as he was trying? No, that’s grounds for apology, and acknowledging it was a shitty attempt. I’ve always called my dp ouT on shitty presents as I certainly don’t want him to think they are an acceptable standard to continue with!
I honestly wouldn’t organise a wedding hust yet. You shouldn’t marry anyone who doesn’t think you are special.

Not even married yet and already being told you're spoiled for wanting a birthday present that was agreed months ago. Ot would be interesting to know why his previous relationship broke up. Have you ever asked?

@Outanabout she had an affair.
She’s also an utterly odious person. I say this not because she’s his ex but because I know her independently of him anyway.
Without a doubt one of the most selfish women I’ve ever met, but that’s another thread entirely

Well, be careful you're not over-compensating.

Ah ok, I thought you were going for one night, not two..sorry.

Op... this is really shit. Why did he book a week off work (unmoveable) without consulting you? Why has he now made it a weekend which is limited time because of childcare (which he knows full well)? Why did he ask you to share half a handbag (this one is just bloody weird)!

It takes you getting angry at him to book something.

This isn't how it should be. If you marry him this is the way it'll be for the rest of it, in fact he'll probably make less than the minuscule effort he's making now. I honestly feel really bad for you - and I think perhaps you need a think. Do you want to have to get angry at him every occasion because he just can't be arsed to make a bloody effort?

Ah that would make sense.

@ElizaPancakes what makes sense?

That you treated the DSD’s because he didn’t want to go