To be annoyed about this?

[FanjoFizz]

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

OP, a holiday isn't even a present for you, because he gets to go on it as well.

I’ve seen this said on MN before and am baffled by it. Would it somehow become a present if he sent the OP on holiday on her own?

Lillith - DUH know nothing about Michelle Gomez, thought you were referring to the epic of Gilgamesh 😳😂😂😂

Would it somehow become a present if he sent the OP on holiday on her own?
To be fair a weekend city break on my own or a spa weekend sound fucking idyllic

Oh, so clearly her bag then and nothing involving you at all. I wouldn't be annoyed/ pissed off, I'd be very upset. It's not even scraping the barrel of unthoughtful it's just a slap in the face. Did you get an engagement ring on NYE or are you sharing his mum's?

I actually thought it was going to mean something, like a way of announcing something .. her moving in ... you getting engaged ( like there'd be a ring in the bag but you are already engaged ...) I don't know, hopefully next years is better!!

Did you get an engagement ring on NYE or are you sharing his mum's?
😂 no it wasn’t a planned proposal so I didn’t have a ring initially. We went out and bought one though, but I almost had to wait a month because he wanted his kids to help pick it too. No weekends were compatible with their schedule so I put my foot down and said we either go this weekend or it’s off.

Ask him if it was the last handbag in the whole shopping centre and unbeknownst to you all of your handbags have disappeared so now you have to share the last handbag in the whole world.
Just be honest and tell him he’s acting like a weirdo and you don’t know why

because he wanted his kids to help pick it too

Why? The ring is from him, not the whole family! He's got some very odd ideas.

Out it's the same Lilith but her re-imagining in Sabrina is played by Michelle Gomez

OP tell him that you've started a crowdfunder for the bag because MN was so appalled at his stinginess

The thing is that it isn't difficult to book a night in a hotel. In the time I've been reading this thread I could have booked nights in 6 different hotels in 6 different cities (and still have been able to talk to DS; unpack a shopping and text DH).

@CheddarandCrackers because I have my DD 100% of the time so she had to come with us as I had no childcare options. So he felt it unfair she was there and his girls weren’t

But she wasn't there to give input was she? Why would anyone get input other than you and him?

The following night we all went to a concert (me, DP, my DD and both SDs) which I paid for and I paid for most of the stuff there too.

Blimey. Your DP just sounds bloody weird. And you sound like a total catch. He should have been fighting to get the ring on your finger before you changed your mind!

Wow, you're such a lovely relaxed person. You know what lovely relaxed people get? Shit presents, or none.

Regardless of the odd bag issue he should definitely have bought you some presents. Money doesn’t seem an issue and you said he bought himself some bits but not for you!!! The problem is if you bring this up he’ll say he asked you and you said you didn’t want anything. In future say you like surprises.

Does one have to be unlovely or uptight to get decent presents?!

You need to be with someone who won't take the piss.

OP your seen to be very understanding but this is way too much..
Book yourself some time away with your DC if no homecare option is there..

P.s. can't find the ted baker bag online😢

All the things you’re posting on here OP, have you said them to your DP?

Half a handbag? I've heard it all now. And yes as PP suggested buy him half a belt for a present.

Your DP sounds a right twat.

Seriously, you HAVE to do sharing gifts from now on - PLEASE.

Please buy him a bottle of after-shave to share with your son/brother/father.

And a nice pair of sunglasses to be shared with your best friend’s DH.

Ooh, and some lovely warm socks to be shared with your Grandad.

Maybe a Starbucks voucher to be shared with your child’s class teacher?

I've never heard of anyone sharing a handbag before, and I sell handbags for a living for the last 6 years!

I'll be honest with you - my mum told me my dad offered to give her the money to pay for her engagement ring, whilst he stood on the pavement outside the shop (apparently he felt awkward). She gave him an ultimatum and he begrudgingly went inside with her to choose together. After 20+yrs they got divorced and my mum said that day should have told her exactly where she stood in his priorities, and she should have walked away with her head held high. My dad is a lovely person but my mum was basically a mug enabling him in a lot of his ways. Don't be a mug OP he won't change.

I’ve never heard of sharing a handbag, what an odd concept.
I’m with the PP who said relaxed people get shit presents. I give my DH very specific instructions, or an email with a link to what I want. We had a row a couple of years ago when I said I’m sick of getting supermarket presents bought on the last minute.

You don't get half share anything for your birthday.Well a break yes, but bag no.
I hope you sort it out.