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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this?

259 replies

FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:26

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/06/2019 13:52

That's genuinely odd. I'd call him out on it though and get him to apologise for his rudeness; telling you he expected gratitude because he did something batshit.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 13:53

He doesn’t have a son, but I could say I’ve bought you this but only 50% of it, the other half of it belongs to my dad

You should do this. 🤣🤣🤣

Banhaha · 01/06/2019 13:53

Does he realise people don't usually share handbags? Very weird. I'd be annoyed too.

sonjadog · 01/06/2019 13:53

I think you need to sit down with him and talk properly about this and find out what on earth he is thinking. And then report back to us.

RandomMess · 01/06/2019 13:54

Confused very weird indeed!

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:54

Maybe he didn’t want to buy it for me because he knew SD liked it too and didn’t want to cause jealousy? But she had £100 to spend anyway so why didn’t she buy it out of that? Or if he wanted to treat her that’s fine too.
But I’m not sharing a bloody handbag 😂

No money issues I don’t think (no joint finances yet so I can’t be sure). But he’s bought himself a few items today so I doubt that’s an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:56

@SmellMySmellbow yep. Little and big treats all the time so it wouldn’t be unusual for him to say he’s bought XYZ for his DDs.

OP posts:
HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 01/06/2019 13:56

Soooo weird. He needs to understand that what a normal person would have done is buy you a whole handbag, not half of one, and top up his daughter's funds if she needed it and he wanted to help her with the price. Why on earth he thinks he's treated you is beyond me.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 13:56

Op, in all seriousness, either he has financial problems or I think your relarionship is in trouble. For whatever reason he didn't wish to buy you the bag or to spend 50 quid on you. The step daughter has obviously tried to get him to buy it for you, he's refused saying it's too expensive and she's then offered to pay half. It's very unlikely she wanted the bag herself based on the text you've just copied. She was trying to get her father to buy it for you.

There's a problem, either it's financial or it's the relationship and that's why he's not booked rhe night away.

Antigon · 01/06/2019 13:57

I would definitely keep this in mind for his birthday.

It’s possible he can change and become tight, so make sure you don’t invest more than him in the relationship.

billy1966 · 01/06/2019 13:57

He's a twat.

And to expect a thank you for a shared bag.

Beyond weird and rude.

Definitely give him a shared gift!

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 01/06/2019 13:58

I'm now trying to think of a male equivalent type of thing that he could have shared custody of together with one of your children so that he can see how ridiculous it is. Football boots? Have one each and ring the other person when you need the pair?

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 13:59

@Bluntness100 I actually think it’s the other way around. I think SD wanted it for herself but he knows I wanted it too and he felt bad just buying it for her when I’m yet to receive a birthday gift. So he’s given her half the money and told her she has to share.

OP posts:
pillowwillow · 01/06/2019 13:59

I’m actually chuckling OP, that’s so bizarre!!!! Never heard anything like that before, no way would my DH be getting away with that. I’d be happy to get nothing at all but half a handbag to share with a 14yo? Is he having a laugh?

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:00

I think it isn’t even financial tightness but maybe trying to please both me and SD? I don’t know. It’s really fucking weird. I’d rather he just gave it to her than this strange idea. She’ll be keeping it anyway as there’s no way I’d ever ask to use it FGS

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:01

Ok cross posted. If you're sure it's not financial then I'm afraid there is a problem in your relarionship. No birthday present, no night away, and a point blank refusal to spend fifty quid on a bag for you he knew you liked and clearly his daughter was telling him you liked. He's stretched to a 25 quid half share likely based on her insistence they bought it.

I'm sorry but I think the issue is the relarionship

Snowfalling · 01/06/2019 14:02

I agree with bluntness. He's not as interested in the relationship as before. That's why he's unwilling to spend on you for your birthday.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:02

But why would she text you asking if it was the one you liked? If she just wished it for herself she wouldn't do this.

nancy75 · 01/06/2019 14:03

The shared item for Father’s Day should be either socks or pants. Give him a rota to go with them detailing when he’s allowed to wear them.

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:03

based on her insistence they bought it yeah for herself 😂 she’s 14, there’s no way she’s been selfless enough to try and convince him to buy it for me.

I had a significant birthday 2 years ago and I had said I wanted a weekend away then instead of a present. 4 months later he took me.

OP posts:
Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:03

He’s really shit and disorganised

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/06/2019 14:04

She also had the money to buy it op, she didn't need to share it. As such I can't see how it is what your thinking. Unless there is a drip feed and she hates you, and wished to rub your nose in it, there is no way she'd show you it and ask if it's rhe one you wanted.

Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:05

@Bluntness100 yeah I don’t think she’d see it this way. She always wants what I want or what I’ve got, not in a horrible way but she copies a lot of things I want/like. I take it as a compliment because she must think I’m cool

OP posts:
Original poster
FanjoFizz · 01/06/2019 14:06

She also had the money to buy it op
Unless she’d spent most of her money before she saw it? It’s a likely possibility.

No she definitely doesn’t hate me, we have a great friendship

OP posts:
missminagrindlay · 01/06/2019 14:07

Another woman with a cheap twat of a man. Now you know why he split with the mother of his kids. You're not getting a birthday present. He wants you to thank him for FA. Share a handbag, my arse.

If you want to keep seeing him, just never ever share any money with him. Bet he's a strict 50/50 guy.