To be annoyed about this?

[FanjoFizz]

It was my birthday last week, not a significant one. DP asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I don’t really need anything but I’d like us to do a night away somewhere just us. We both work full time and have kids from previous relationships who we are weekends tend to revolve around, so rarely get any time on our own.

We discussed the weekend away as a present from March (so two months worth of payday prior to my birthday). Not expecting anywhere expensive but a night in a hotel, on our own would be bliss.

He’s booked nothing, not even picked a city. On my actual birthday I got two identical bunches of supermarket flowers from his kids and birthday cards, very sweet but nothing directly from him.

Today he’s taken his eldest daughter to a shopping outlet village and she text me a picture of a high-street designer bag I have had saved in my online wish list for a while and said it was reduced to £50. I commented that wow it was a good price.

Anyway then DP calls me on their way home and said SD couldn’t afford the bag on her own so he’s paid half towards it and now we have to share the bag? Wtf??!
I don’t want to share a handbag? That’s so bizarre, I don’t live with her and I would not ring a 14yr old to share custody of a fucking £50 handbag. How bizarre is this?!

I sort of laughed and said “Nah it’s clearly SD’s bag, enjoy it lovely girl!” To which he was quite stern and said “No it’s half yours”.

AIBU to think this is really odd? Why on earth would I want to share a bag with a teenager?

AIBU to think if he thought I’d like it then he should have just bought it for me as a belated birthday present? Or just treat SD to the £25 top up she needed in order for her to buy it? He’s definitely not hard up for £25/50?!

I think I’d be straight with him and simply say ‘I don’t want half a hand bag, I want a weekend away’

It does sound strange tho, I agree with the op in that her dsd prob wanted the bag, he knew you liked it and was prob trying to please both of you. I do find it bizarre to think sharing a handbag is a thing

Op how is the rest of the relationship.
You can’t start speculating about a relationship based on one solitary event. The op has explained partner has been shit with present buying and disorganised throughout duration of relationship, so Handbag sharing seems fairly consistent and your actual birthday present may yet materialise?
I know you say you get on fine with his daughter, but Ime step families can be fraught with all kinds of strange dynamics and the handbag sharing for good or bad is symptomatic of that.

I do find it bizarre to think sharing a handbag is a thing
That’s because it’s not a thing is it 😂 it’s bloody odd.

I will use the wallet analogy a PP said when I explain why it’s off.
SD can just enjoy the bag, I don’t mind. But I don’t want him acting like he’s given me a gift when he clearly hasn’t and I have nothing to be grateful or thankful for

I've really enjoyed this thread op! I love that you've laughed about it. It certainly doesn't sound like there's any malice. Just really strange behaviour! I hope you get your weekend away eventually and are spoiled!

@Artykitty666 ahhh thank you! I hope I do too 😂😂😂😂

Maybe he just didn't think. Maybe he didn't want to disappoint his DD but I can't believe there wasn't anything else in the outlet village that you would have liked.
Now he can say he did buy you a present and you're the one that's ungrateful. I also have a funny feeling that he isn't disorganised at work. I'd be a bit of wary of the disconnect between the stories he tells about you and the relationship, and the reality of the effort he's putting in.

It sounds to my like his dd saw the bag and said "isn't that the one fanjo likes?" And he said he wasn't sure so she sent you a pic of it to ask, all the while probably trying to convince her dad to buy her either the same one or a similar one. And him, in his odd male brain has thought he can kill 2 birds with 1 stone and get the one bag!
And now that you aren't all super grateful for 50% of a bag (as he expected) he's got on the defensive.

I would just chalk it up to a misjudged nice idea of his that really just didn't work

Love your posting name, LillithsFamiliar

l also have a funny feeling that he isn't disorganised at work
Bizarrely this isn’t the case! He’s very organised at work but it does seem to be all consuming, he rarely switches off from it.

@MsSquiz I think there was one bag and SD always comes first. That’s the truth. He wanted to buy it for her and in normal circumstances it would not have even been an issue. But to buy it so soon after my birthday having not actually got me a gift, and knowing it was the bag I wanted he decided to come up with this weird scenario

Has he come home yet? Is it not a 'surprise it's really 100% your bag! We just wanted to check it was right'... Would also be pretty WTF?! But makes slightly more sense than it's 50% yours 😂

Did he make any effort for your birthday though, given that he didn't check you were able to get the time off? And has he spoken to you about an alternative date for you to go away, and about where you are going?

@HUZZAH212 not home, he’s at his mum’s but SD is wearing the bag in her instagram pics she posted about an hour ago at the park with her friends.
When I spoke to him he was actually cross that I didn’t want to share, I know his voice. There is no bag for me

@Rosielily no I went out with my friends on my birthday, it was his weekend with his kids.
The following night we all went to a concert (me, DP, my DD and both SDs) which I paid for and I paid for most of the stuff there too.
The Sunday was my best friend’s birthday and I went out for brunch with her. So I was busy all weekend, but no fuss made.
But to be honest I’m not spoiled or expect people to make a big deal on my birthday. I’m 32, not 5 so it’s not an issue for me

However it would have been nice to have something other than 2 x identical bunches of £5 Tesco flowers 😂 Why 2? This is what I mean, sometimes he’s just a bit odd. But today is another level

Has he cancelled the time off work so he can reorganise for a week you're free?

I would just chalk it up to a misjudged nice idea of his that really just didn't work

That is completely ridiculous!

I think it says a lot about a person who can't be fucked to do anything at all for their significant others birthday. It's not disorganised, it's just not giving a shit.

OP, a holiday isn't even a present for you, because he gets to go on it as well. Does he live in your home with you or did you get a joint home together?

It's not even giving a shit - it's blaming her for not being happy with half a teenager's handbag! I've never ever heard of such a stupid present in my life.

@Outanabout nope he can’t now. His work are funny about annual leave.
We’ll have to go over a weekend now which brings up another load of problems because our kids weekends don’t align.
I want to go one weekend later this month but he won’t because it’s the weekend before his kids go on holiday with their mum for a week so he won’t see them for 10 days if we go that weekend. Although that’s my only weekend free

Outanabout thanks! I love Michelle Gomez!

OP yy exactly, he can be organised when he wants to be. You can keep making excuses for him or you can tell him he has to step up. You're not in competition with his DD. It's not about her coming first. It's about him treating you kindly on your birthday.

Here, have some MN instead of supermarket ones and you get to keep them all to yourself Belated happy birthday!

@LillithsFamiliar thank you, how lovely are you xx

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of.

You know you are not being valued by this piss-taker. Why do people put up with such shit? When it’s his birthday, tell him you bought him half a pair of shoes which are currently being worn by a young relative. Maybe he’ll finally get it!

This is just so odd OP

I’m sorry your DP is being idiotic