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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting DH to choose drama rehearsal over fathers day?

161 replies

djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 13:23

DS 8 and DD 14 attend a weekly Drama academy and put on a show every June at a local theatre. They have an all day tech rehearsal which falls on fathers day. DH does not want them to attend (he did give them the option, both said they wanted to skip the rehearsal and spend the day with us) as he thinks days like this are special, especially whilst the children are young and wants us to spend the day as a family.
I think that we can celebrate on another day and the children attend the tech rehearsal. The academy also want them to attend. DH points out that there will be further rehearsals at the theatre in the lead to the show and that family should take priority.
Just looking for opinions on this. Thanks

OP posts:
cheeseandcrackers · 31/05/2019 13:26

Seriously? What does he want to do on Father's Day that he couldn't do on another weekend, or the day before? If you commit to a drama club, you have to commit to the rehearsals. They should definitely go.

UnicornBrexit · 31/05/2019 13:28

Education and committment to other causes always takes priority.

JacquesHammer · 31/05/2019 13:29

The tech rehearsal is always very important for shows.

Your DH is being unreasonable - can't you celebrate Fathers Day on the Saturday?

manicinsomniac · 31/05/2019 13:29

YANBU

Please do everything you can to get your children to the tech rehearsal. It's so important to have the whole cast at them, they've made the commitment to the show and everyone is putting so much work into it.

I'm a performing arts teacher and have a Sunday technical for our biggest annual production every March. Occasionally that falls on Mother's Day and there's always somebody who makes a fuss about it - despite knowing the date 5 months in advance and knowing that the rehearsal is compulsory for everyone who wants to be in the show.

One year a child didn't turn up because it was Mother's Day and I had to recast her role and not let her be in the show. The set was a complicated and potentially dangerous one with trap doors, upper levels, flying wires, hidden entrances etc and the health and safety tour was a legal requirement of being on stage. We also did all the spacing, marked up the stage, balanced the microphones and did hours of rehearsal. She couldn't have caught up.

A family is together on lots of days and can celebrate another time.

thecatsthecats · 31/05/2019 13:29

If this were my birthday falling on a Sunday, I'd just do the birthday stuff on the Saturday. As I would if my birthday fell during the week.

Though it does strike me as annoying IF the rehearsal could have been another day.

RomanyQueen1 · 31/05/2019 13:32

YANBU, they have commitments, your dh is a baby.
Suggest he stays at the rehearsal and they'll be together on Fathers day, then.
What does he think dads do who have to work on the day?

Leeds2 · 31/05/2019 13:34

I would encourage the DC to attend the drama rehearsal. And I would hope that DH would do the same.
I can understand that people are annoyed it is taking place on Father's Day. I imagine there will be a lot of children who can't attend because they have other arrangements.

RhiWrites · 31/05/2019 13:35

He sounds very self important. He wants both children to skip an important rehearsal to celebrate him? Wow.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 31/05/2019 13:35

DH is being completely U. It's not 'just another' rehearsal, there is only one tech rehearsal and it's really important - it's the first time the actors get on the set, the first time they work with the lights, in costume, practice costume changes, moving on and off set to time, etc etc.

Traditionally it's boring AF and I can't imagine the stress of trying to do it with wee kids, but that's all beside the point. The DCs have signed up to the show, they have to do the tech.

Ellisandra · 31/05/2019 13:37

Yeah - totally made up day takes precedence over a specific tech rehearsal for an annual show Hmm Your husband is being a dick.,

Xmas2020 · 31/05/2019 13:37

You can still do both and I'm confident your DH will not mind one but. Make arrangements to do something after rehearsals.

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 13:37

There are other rehearsals in the lead up to that day so he thinks they can go then. He always takes time off for these days and he wouldn't be able to sit in. To be fair he makes special efforts on all these days such as mothers day etc as he feels that as children grow so fast it's better to build memories as a family. I do feel the academy could have chosen another day as it's at a local school not the theatre. Also children have both said they don't want to go (he didn't pressure them just gave them the option) hence my dilemma

OP posts:
80sMum · 31/05/2019 13:38

Good lord! Is this serious? "Father's Day" is simply a marketing tool used originally by card manufacturers and latterly by anyone who thinks they can make money out of it!

I would tell your DH not to be a victim of marketing ploys and refuse to take part in such silliness.

Over the years there have been numerous attempts by marketing drives to create new obligations for people, such as "grandparents day", "secretaries day" etc. Fortunately, they haven't yet caught on and become "a thing" like Fathers day has.

Take the kids to the rehearsal, OP!

JugsAndSoap · 31/05/2019 13:38

If they don't attend the technical rehearsal they might well not know what's happening on the night of the show. This puts them at a huge disadvantage.

Ellisandra · 31/05/2019 13:39

I would ignore the kids saying that they want to go with dad.

  • they not realise how important the rehearsal is
  • they might, but like the idea of a family day out, and need to be taught about commitment
  • they may just be saying what they know their dad wants to hear

So I think their view on it is irrelevant:

twojackrusselsandamoggie · 31/05/2019 13:39

On Father's Day this year, our DC's have sporting events from 8.30-6pm. When I pointed out to DH that it was FD that day, he just shrugged and said "so?" Much as a nice family pub roast would be nice, we can do that the day before, the kids commitments are more important.
OP, your DH is being an arse!

Readytogogogo · 31/05/2019 13:39

Regardless of your update, he still sounds pretty self involved.

manicinsomniac · 31/05/2019 13:41

I imagine there will be a lot of children who can't attend because they have other arrangements.

There really shouldn't be. It's very unlikely that the theatre school suddenly turned around last week and said, 'Oh by they way, technical is next Sunday' (or whenever Father's day is - I don't have a dad or a partner so I don't actually know!). The date will have been published ages ago. How many weeks in advance do people book a family lunch or whatever? And it's not like things like that aren't adjustable or movable. I don't think it's that common to do anything particular for fathers' day anyway, is it? Even mothers' day isn't that big a deal in my experience.

NameChangeNugget · 31/05/2019 13:41

He’s being a complete twat.

Just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day is a complete waste of time except for people in the card industry. Utterly pointless

Ellisandra · 31/05/2019 13:42

Has your husband ever done anything for his birthday, not on his birthday? I bet he has!

AgentPeggyCarter · 31/05/2019 13:42

Is the tech actually optional? Every show my DD has been involved in it has been a condition of being involved that you attend both the tech and dress rehearsals.

JacquesHammer · 31/05/2019 13:42

Also children have both said they don't want to go

I kind of get the impression that he will have offered them a loaded question.

They made a commitment, they need to understand that takes precedence.

FWIW, DD is doing a show in June, the tech rehearsal date is given in September when they sign up and attendance is mandatory. Non-attendance means non-participation in the show.

BlingLoving · 31/05/2019 13:43

This is a good opportunity to teach your children that they've committed to something and now they have to see it through, even though it's not always convenient.

And a good opportunity for you as a family to think about how you celebrate a completely made up holiday things that are important to you in a way that is appropriate and flexible. Agree a family fathers day for Saturday. Or plan an event for after rehearsal. For pete's sake, it's not rocket science.

scratchyfluffface · 31/05/2019 13:44

How would you feel if it was Mother's Day, would you be happy for them to go?

mummmy2017 · 31/05/2019 13:46

Have you read all the post about Mother's Days and the complete meltdowns mum's had .
What time is the rehearsal, could you do breakfast out ... Then somewhere nice for dinner? And let the dad do something fun in between.?