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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting DH to choose drama rehearsal over fathers day?

161 replies

djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 13:23

DS 8 and DD 14 attend a weekly Drama academy and put on a show every June at a local theatre. They have an all day tech rehearsal which falls on fathers day. DH does not want them to attend (he did give them the option, both said they wanted to skip the rehearsal and spend the day with us) as he thinks days like this are special, especially whilst the children are young and wants us to spend the day as a family.
I think that we can celebrate on another day and the children attend the tech rehearsal. The academy also want them to attend. DH points out that there will be further rehearsals at the theatre in the lead to the show and that family should take priority.
Just looking for opinions on this. Thanks

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 31/05/2019 15:24

I'm curious as to how involved a dad he is.

If they don't go they let down a lot of people potentially. If they do go then one person maybe slightly disappointed.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/05/2019 15:25

Ah how lovely
All tied up neatly on one thread
Cute

ShaggyRug · 31/05/2019 15:29

DD dances and sometimes rehearsals clash with other things.

But we’ve always taught her that signing up to a show or event means commitment. We honour our commitments and don’t pick and choose what we do when essentially it’s letting others down if you’re not there. Especially when other things can be done on alternative days.

I’m sorry but I think you’re teaching them a bad lesson when it comes to seeing things through and putting in 100% commitment.

ShaggyRug · 31/05/2019 15:30

Ah just seen you’ve update - I think that’s a good decision.

SunshineCake · 31/05/2019 15:32

Are your kids at a state or private school?

DameDoom · 31/05/2019 15:36

He sounds a right smothering feathery-stroker. Does he join you at yoga classes and totally piss off every other woman in the room?
The day off for a birthday and him ringing up with that excuse is just eye-rolling vomit-worthy. Bet he think he's stickin' it to the man when he is actually just a complete cringe bucket.

Pk37 · 31/05/2019 15:38

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are just excuses for cards and presents .
I’m a mum but I really couldn't give a fart if the kids would rather do something else .
Your dh is being selfish

recrudescence · 31/05/2019 15:49

I’m really surprised that the school is “fine” about days off for birthdays. No school I’ve worked at would condone this.

joystir59 · 31/05/2019 15:53

He is missing out big time if he doesn't understand that seeing his children perform in the school play rehearsal is the best Father's Day ever.

flowery · 31/05/2019 15:58

”I’m really surprised that the school is “fine” about days off for birthdays.”

I think it’s very unlikely they are!

myrtleWilson · 31/05/2019 16:19

Given the choice of birthday at school with friends, presents and then home for family celebrations or an enforced 24hrs FAMILY DAY with Captain Suffocating I'd be livid if I was whipped out of school.

Butterymuffin · 31/05/2019 16:21

If a birthday falls on a school day etc unless there are exams or something similar he gets them to miss the day so we can all go and do something

From this I'm also now thinking it sounds like all the kids get pulled out of school for siblings' birthdays as well as their own? Their head teachers must be thrilled.

flowery · 31/05/2019 16:23

”From this I'm also now thinking it sounds like all the kids get pulled out of school for siblings' birthdays as well as their own? Their head teachers must be thrilled.”

Good grief I think you’re right!

Ellisandra · 31/05/2019 16:31

Captain Suffocating Grin

Parky04 · 31/05/2019 16:40

Really don't care about fathers day. Kids were often out on the day. Everyone is working this year!

Piglet89 · 31/05/2019 17:41

@djcrabb69 good call. Right outcome.

coconuttelegraph · 31/05/2019 18:46

I imagine the school have a special nickname for the father who takes all his children out of school for every birthday, hilarious!

Isatis · 31/05/2019 18:57

If there was a risk of losing the role I'm pretty sure he wouldn't think about her missing it, nor would he if it was the ONLY tech rehearsal his argument is that it is one of about four techs this being the first and not at the venue like the latter ones.

But the first is the most important one! It's the one where they will set up and plan all the tech involved, the others (if they really are tech rehearsals, which sounds dubious) will be about making sure that everyone works and the lighting people, stage managers etc know what they're doing. It's just going to be a hell of a nuisance if they have to factor in two children who missed the first one.

SmellMySmellbow · 31/05/2019 18:59

Other rehearsals are not the same as the tech. If a student missed the tech they would either not be in the show or earmarked as unreliable and ensure they get no more than a chorus/supporting role in the next one.

SmellMySmellbow · 31/05/2019 19:00

And blocking generally massively changes following a tech run.

Isatis · 31/05/2019 19:02

I'm sceptical that two separate schools (I'm assuming they must be given the children's ages) are perfectly happy about children taking the day off just because their father fancies them doing that on their birthdays. The 14 year old in particular is probably beginning GCSE preparation and they wouldn't be happy about her missing out on that. It's really inconsiderate to the teachers to do this, as they'll have to do extra work to help your children catch up o what they've missed.

I feel quite sorry for these children. What is going to happen if, in future, they would rather go out with their friends, go to a concert, pursue other hobbies etc on their father's birthday or Fathers' Day? What if there's something important happening in school on their birthdays and they'd rather go in - or indeed if they just fancy being with their friends in school some of the time? Are they going to be constantly guilt-tripped about it?

MorganKitten · 31/05/2019 19:03

So would you give up Mother’s Day?

StreetwiseHercules · 31/05/2019 19:04

Father’s Day is load of shit. I say that as a father. Mother’s Day is also a load of shit.

Sounds like your OH is being very self indulgent.

Wildorchidz · 31/05/2019 19:08

As there are other tech rehearsals doesn't see the importance of missing one day as they are at all the others.

So this one is not the only tech rehearsal?

Iwouldlikesomecake · 31/05/2019 19:16

OK so this is NOT a tech rehearsal.

A tech rehearsal is in the venue, with the sound and lights and set, to go through the technical elements of the show (miking up the performers, changing mic packs, running lighting states and scene changes so people know IN SITU where they are going and how it feels to do 'that move' in 'that lighting').

The rehearsal we are talking about may well be the first run through of the show, it might be a costume rehearsal, it might be a choreography cleaning rehearsal - all of which are very important to a production. By saying they don't matter, you're giving your children a false sense of entitlement that they are allowed to 'opt out' when they like. Same with birthdays off. You are encouraging them to let people down because 'what they want' is more important than 'what they have committed to'.

I'm glad they are going. I hope that when they see how much they would have missed of changed blocking, cleaning notes etc that they will realise it's important to turn up to every rehearsal and not just the ones you feel like going to (or the show to get the glory at the end).