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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting DH to choose drama rehearsal over fathers day?

161 replies

djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 13:23

DS 8 and DD 14 attend a weekly Drama academy and put on a show every June at a local theatre. They have an all day tech rehearsal which falls on fathers day. DH does not want them to attend (he did give them the option, both said they wanted to skip the rehearsal and spend the day with us) as he thinks days like this are special, especially whilst the children are young and wants us to spend the day as a family.
I think that we can celebrate on another day and the children attend the tech rehearsal. The academy also want them to attend. DH points out that there will be further rehearsals at the theatre in the lead to the show and that family should take priority.
Just looking for opinions on this. Thanks

OP posts:
fairweathercyclist · 31/05/2019 14:40

Yeah - totally made up day takes precedence over a specific tech rehearsal for an annual show

This. And this:

Just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day is a complete waste of time except for people in the card industry. Utterly pointless

fairweathercyclist · 31/05/2019 14:41

modern life is so involved that it gives the opportunity to check out for a few days a year and involve being a family

but why does it have to be on a day that the card manufacturers dictate? It can be any time.

fairweathercyclist · 31/05/2019 14:43

The staff at the academy are all female without partners or husbands

Really? Even if that is the case, do they not have fathers?

LadyRannaldini · 31/05/2019 14:49

I totally agree that they should go, our granchildren had a show on Mother's Day once, they went out for lunch between the rehearsal and the show.

FilledSoda · 31/05/2019 14:50

I'm agog that the children don't go to school on their birthday Confused

TailsoftheManyPaws · 31/05/2019 14:50

Crikey, he sounds smothering.

Missing school for their birthdays? Missing the all-day tech run for Father's Day? What happened to giving growing children wings -- and teaching them commitment?

Ellisandra · 31/05/2019 14:50

They miss school for their birthdays every year (and yours and his?) so that he can indulge his image of Waltons family life? Hmm seriously? I can’t believe you’ve agreed to that.

Piglet89 · 31/05/2019 14:53

@manicinsomniac brilliant post.

Seriously - you know that saying “It’ll be all right on the night”?

If people don’t attend tech rehearsals and then try to take part in the actual performance, there is a very real risk that it won’t. Why should other children show their commitment and attend while yours don’t and still get to take part?

Totally unfair.

WhatAGreatDay · 31/05/2019 14:57

I think not turning up for the tech rehearsal is pretty scummy. It is part of the commitment of doing the show and it's important. I think your husband is being a bit babyish and demanding.

NameChange92 · 31/05/2019 15:00

He’s being not just U, but ridiculous.

Making an effort for Father’s Day and attending the rehearsal are not mutually exclusive, you just move the one that is easy to move and has no consequences I.e. Father’s Day - in fact it’ll probably make any celebrations easier as Mother’s/Father’s day are always really busy if you go out anywhere.

So you pick a day - probably after the show is all done - and you designate that Father’s Day and make all the effort then (plus quick basics on the actual Father’s Day, like a card and gift).

If he’s a good parent he shouldn’t even have given your kids a choice, they have rehearsal that day so obviously that’s where they’ll be, so you’ll all celebrate FD another day.

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 15:03

Final post from me and thanks to all respondents. They have an excellent record at school A* pupils, excellent attendance etc but they miss birthdays. He just rings the school and says they won't be in for the day as it's their birthday. School is okay with it as they are there 99.9% and tbh I do agree with this stance of his on bdays as they are one day a year. Both children do very well at drama, have excellent records going back a number of years but again he sees it as one day (this is where I differ) I do have empathy for his position but also for the drama school. I think I have more empathy as there will be another 3-4 techs after this one on the 16th. Have a super weekend and thanks for taking the time out to read and reply, much appreciated!

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 31/05/2019 15:03

I think that scheduling this rehearsal for Father's Day is less than ideal, but as someone who has spent a lot of time and energy over the years in amateur and school theater productions on the tech side of things, I say they need to attend the rehearsal.

NameChange92 · 31/05/2019 15:04

And I missed the part about him taking the kids out of school on their birthdays. I really hope you’re fined for each and everyone of those unauthorised absences, that kind of selfish entitlement is what makes teachers jobs so hard.

i’m starting to think you’re a troll if you’re offering that as an example of how he’s a good Dad

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 15:06

Troll>? No, just putting things in perspective. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws but as a father he really is excellent.

OP posts:
JamieVardysHavingAParty · 31/05/2019 15:07

Suppose for a minute that DD lost her role in this production as a result of missing the tech rehearsal. How much family "togetherness" do you think there would be afterwards? Because I've been a 14-year-old girl. If I'd lost my part as a result of missing a rehearsal for Father's Day, I would never have forgotten it.

NotStayingIn · 31/05/2019 15:08

I actually think this is quite a shit example to set your children!

The reason there are so many rehearsals is that they are needed. For others involved in the show, this one will be very important. Being part of the show, your kids need to turn up to it. You know, teamwork and all that!

Your husband seems to think 'my children will go to the other rehearsals so they will be fine.' WTF, it's not all about them, they need to go to all, so everyone gets the rehearsal they need.

Your husband is a self-absorbed arse if he really can't see how stupid he is being. Just move your special day to another day.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 31/05/2019 15:08

I think I have more empathy as there will be another 3-4 techs after this one on the 16th

Are you sure they'll be tech rehearsals.

MsTSwift · 31/05/2019 15:09

He is being a ridiculous precious prince

Parker231 · 31/05/2019 15:09

He’s not an excellent father if he allows them to skip school on their birthday. I assume he doesn’t mine paying the fines.

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 15:09

If there was a risk of losing the role I'm pretty sure he wouldn't think about her missing it, nor would he if it was the ONLY tech rehearsal his argument is that it is one of about four techs this being the first and not at the venue like the latter ones.

OP posts:
NameChange92 · 31/05/2019 15:10

I think you might have missed a bit too much school when you were younger, if the one day of their birthday is the only day they miss in the school year their attendance is already down to 99.5%.

Nanny0gg · 31/05/2019 15:11

Why post?

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 15:11

Yes sure there are others and he thinks schools do a lot of damage to childhood and should be reformed but that's another thread !!!!!

OP posts:
flowery · 31/05/2019 15:17

Love the fact that he gets DC to skip school for their birthday is an example of what an excellent father he is...

Original poster
djcrabb69 · 31/05/2019 15:19

He has now changed his mind so thank you mumsnet :)

OP posts:
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