To tell ExH I don't want DC to be left with his DP's teenage boys?

[Jessie1980]

After being at their DF on their last visit they met his DP and her DC, 2 of which are boys 14 & 15.
They told me they had gone down to the beach on their own with one of the boys, AIBU to be concerned about this? ExH lives just on the beach but would not be able to see them from the house. My worry is that they had only just met the boy, I dont know him, they dont know him and my ExH has only known him around 3 months. Our DC are DD5 and DS7.

After what happened with the 16 year old and 5 year old girl on the isle of bute, you cant help but worry about these things.

Given that the issue of abuse risk is inevitably controversial, I would focus the discussion on water safety.

If their father and his partner thinks its ok, then you have to trust their opinion

They probably just wanted a shag.

I know many people who hire teenagers to babysit their children who they meet for the first time. And I know plenty of teenagers who are responsible enough to do it

At the beach? Really? I don’t.

I wouldn’t be happy with two unknown teenagers looking after my young children around water.

I wouldn’t be happy with this, I think you are right to be concerned. Your D.C. are young, vulnerable and these boys are virtual strangers. Most kids are abused by people they know, MANY are abused by teenagers.

Frankly, as an experienced parent more than twice the age of the teen in question, I don't want to take responsibility for an unknown 5 year old and 7 year old on a beach!

Absolutely not fair on a teen.

@BertrandRussell

In my experience, teen boys are excellent baby sitters.
What a ridiculous statement.

Why is it when when introduce their new male partner of 3 months to their dc and try to play happy families it is heavily criticised but the same criticism doesn't usually apply to a man who introduces his new woman of 3 months to his dc and the mum is told it's none of her business.

OP you are right, these are young lads who your ex dp has known for less than 3 months. They shouldn't have even been introduced to your dc yet let alone be left in charge of them.

If this thread had been started by your ex dp asking is he being unreasonable to introduce his dc to his new girlfriends kids and let her teenagers take them to the beach the replies would be very different.

SimulationTheorist

My teen boy wouldn't be destroyed. He'd understand that a parent who had never met him would have concerns about his capabilities and responsibility in looking after a complete stranger's children, and would welcome any questions. But then he's pretty mature.
My DS is great with his friends siblings but he wouldn’t want to be responsible for two very young children he’d never met before and neither would I.
When my two were young the only people who looked after them were my sister, mum and one SIL.
Why can’t the dad accompany the little ones to the beach they are supposed to be having time with him anyway.

The dad unlikely did any "prediction on risks" nor calculated anything based on his "judgement as a dad." More likely he just wanted to prioritize the new girlfriend and/or wanted a shag so the kids get palmed off on a rouse at "how fun it will be to go to the beach with her sons."

Have known many men of that kind...

The dad unlikely did any "prediction on risks"

He lives on a beech, its likely he know the risks very well. Op hasn't said if the children had access to the water, maybe they went to some sort of play area, or a pavilion beside the beech. Living beside a beech the teenage boys might well have had some sort of life guard training. Maybe the dad+gf followed from a distance to see how they were getting on. Maybe their was other adults on the beech they knew (but the young children didn't), who were keeping an eye out.

Maybe the risk of them going in the water was the same as them walking on the pavement and trusting they dont jump into the road in front of a car.

I don’t understand why the OP is getting such a hard time for being worried about the potential for abuse. Why should she be all ‘cool mum’ about two teenage boys she doesn’t know taking her young children to the beach? That’s why we as parents don’t let random people off the street look after our children. That’s the whole point of teaching kids about stranger danger. Because child abuse is far from uncommon, there are some sickos out there, and it’s very difficult to tell who they are until it’s too late?

Or, and more likely, the dad saw an opportunity for baby sitters and used said opportunity to have some time with the new girlfriend, instead of taking his own kids to the beach.

I live near the beach. Neither myself nor anyone I know has life guard training just because we live near the beach. It's not Baywatch.

Living beside a beech the teenage boys might well have had some sort of life guard training

They don’t live with the OP’s ex. They’ve only just met.

Unless they live near a different beach?

theyellowsquare oh love, I am so sorry its heart breaking. I agree, it's not worth the risk. There is no hardship, in just NOT leaving young girls alone with boys/men

Thank you for your reassurance, you don't know how much hope that has given me

I live near the beach. Neither myself nor anyone I know has life guard training just because we live near the beach. It's not Baywatch

🤣Daisychains6

I'd be very concerned too, as to why two boys of that age would want to take care of little ones

I don’t know what sort of boys you know but my son and his friends, particularly those with much younger siblings love playing and taking care of younger children. Same as many teenage girls but you didn’t mention them.

Water safety concerns- YANBU. Assuming they are taking your kids to a public beach to molest them........VVVFU

I used to hire my 16 year old niece to look after my toddler twins - she had no interest and I observed her spending the time on her phone. For me it’s about a 5 year old being near water.

Notwithstanding all the argument about stranger danger, I would still think it was really irresponsible for my ex to send two children to the beach with a 14 year old they barely knew, for all the safety reasons mentioned above.

@ParrotwithaCarrot, if you'd bothered to RTFT, you'd see that I have worked with vulnerable children and have come across MANY cases where teenage boys were involved. If you care to Google (look particularly at the NSPCC statistic page) you'll find some information there about young offenders.

And I've also said I'd be equally concerned about girls.

HTH.

Simulationtheorist is that seriously what you think!. Well good luck when you tell your ds never to interact with other younger children as people will think he wants to abuse them. You job has warped you.

Child abuse was so common years ago, mostly by brothers/step brothers/uncles/step fathers and possibly fathers. Is it still common or do children feel more empowered to speak up now?

Sometimes mothers knew about the abuse especially if it was the step father but turned a blind eye. Or if kids did speak up they would almost be shamed or accused of lying/just causing trouble.

There was a thread on here a long time ago asking people if they were ever abused sexually as a child and it was quite common and casual once upon a time.

SimulationTheorist I am interested in why you say that you would be equally concerned about girls. It is fact that overwhelmingly, abuse is carried out by males, not females

Zwellers - No, it hasn't warped me. It's opened my eyes to what really goes on and has made me understand why leaving small children with complete strangers is a risk. If my teen DS was to look after young children, I'd make sure he knew them first, the parent/s had met him and were happy with his trustworthiness, and that he actually wanted to do it.

Whatevermission - water safety.