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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What the hell with colleague

287 replies

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 21:56

We have a colleague who is always instigating work socialising and organising nights out. Prob is she never wants to pay for anything. She never ever buys a drink. She always asks me and my colleagues to get the bogof drinks and she will get the next ones but she never does. She has blagged lunches off colleagues by forgetting her purse app and never paying back. We went out yest and my colleague said she would get the first drink but she needed to get the next ones. She never did. It was awkward as she just sat there with empty glasses. A couple of times she has been on lunch and said she needed a sandwich but forgotten her purse. We went in the sandwich shop once on her request and I'd already eaten a sandwich from home as trying to save money. She looked in her purse she only had some pound coins which she is collecting app. She then proceeded to ask me to pay for her sandwich as she can't spend her coins as collecting. She's asking me and a colleague to come on a few nights out with work in the next few months and trying to convince us to come for a break away. I don't know how to deal with her politely as she won't pay for anything! It's really starting to piss me off. Aibu?

OP posts:
ifyouneedmenow · 30/05/2019 22:41

If you don't want to call her out ( and you really should) if she says you get these drinks just say no thanks I'll get my own firmly .
If you go to sandwich shop and she forgets her purse just say you have no change sorry .
Some people don't like being called out on their cf behaviour so get defensive.
Just get your own drinks etc don't make a drama of it just don't offer others it's the only way to stop cf behaviour.

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 30/05/2019 22:41

She couldn't use the coins to pay for her sandwich because she was collecting them ??!!! CFuckery of the highest order!

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/05/2019 22:45

I actually can't believe you went ahead and paid for her sandwich when she had money in her purse just because she asked you to?

Can you explain why you did that?

Sundancer77 · 30/05/2019 22:46

I cannot believe how fucking cheeky this woman is 🙈🤣

Hellywelly10 · 30/05/2019 22:47

You dont have to socialise with her, tell her youve given up drinking and are saving up for something so your on a tight budget.

Peopleshouldread · 30/05/2019 22:47

I had a friend like this. Repeated comments about moths flying out of her wallet as a reason for not opening it, proved effective.

supersop60 · 30/05/2019 22:50

Extreme CFery.
I was feeling a bit sorry for her at first, thinking she must be very broke. But if that was me (were I?), I wouldn't be going on nights out, and I'd bring sandwiches from home, to save money.
Stop paying for her. next time she asks you to buy food, say "No - you CF!" You could even add a tinkly little laugh...

PepsiLola · 30/05/2019 22:52

When she suggests you pay for something for her say "no, you still haven't paid me back from the last time" then laugh and buy your own

Recavanometer · 30/05/2019 22:54

OP is she socially awkward?

BumandChips · 30/05/2019 22:57

I think you need to avoid her being able to use an excuse as to why she can’t pay. Doing a kitty will just lead her to say she hasn’t got the money but will put it in next time, or pay you back. She will find a way to use an excuse if she has the opportunity. Just buy your own drinks and leave it at that. Or just tell her you’re fed up of her being so fucking tight and she owes you about 370 drinks and 27 sandwiches.

thenightsky · 30/05/2019 22:59

God. I wouldn't go out with her tbh. When we go out as group of work mates we do rounds and call out the name of the next to go up to the bar, as in... 'reet Janet, sup up love its your round and we're all waiting'.

piekebab · 30/05/2019 23:01

Yep, don't do kitty's, she'll just find an excuse not to contribute.

missminagrindlay · 30/05/2019 23:02

'I can't use my change because I'm collecting it'. PMSL! She's not socially awkward, quite the contrary, like all CFers she relies on other people's politeness to rip them off. She knows exactly what she's doing!

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 23:12

Yeah I'm not tight by any means but I feel she is taking advantage of me and my colleagues. What gets me is the constant arranging of social functions by her. If she has no money don't organise things. I'm gonna decline if I can get away with it without looking like a miserable so and so

OP posts:
SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 23:12

She's not socially awkward. She is very outgoing

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 30/05/2019 23:13

Take a walk to the sandwich shop with her and ask her to buy you one - see how she reacts.....

Allhailthesun · 30/05/2019 23:13

No, I can’t afford it.
Only if you have money as we got the last ...in
Nice idea but it’s too expensive.

As openers?

PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 30/05/2019 23:15

Walk in pub and when everyone is sat down take their orders- write them down- hand it to her and say 'your round'. Make sure this is done every single time you go out for a dozen times....

Recavanometer · 30/05/2019 23:19

I ask because my socially awkward (aspergers) mate at school was like this, and had taken it into her head that spending money was a Bad Thing, and therefore didn’t focus on appearing spectacularly tight/cheap. She famously went to visit relatives in New Zealand in her 20s and did not spend anything in three weeks. And was astounded when her family were horrified when they found out.

AdaShelby · 30/05/2019 23:23

You're enabling her.

If she bites your head off just tinkly laugh the fuck out of her and then straightface a "Seriously now, you need to pay"

piekebab · 30/05/2019 23:24

Let her kick off and just say 'why should we pay for you ?'

Myscarfisblue · 30/05/2019 23:28

Is she lovely otherwise? I've got a friend who's a tiny bit like this, she never has any change when we have have a curry take out at someone's house. Collection for birthday or if you're out shopping and she sees a card she likes we all end up subbing her, never anything very much but I think it's added up over the years for sure. We all love her though so she gets away with it 😂

Skittlesandbeer · 30/05/2019 23:29

Pick one of the firm-but-smiley lines in this thread, and decide that’s what you’ll do. Have a chat to your other colleague to clue her in. That way you’re not having a bitch about CF, you’re kindly telling your other friend out of courtesy that you’ll be following a certain strategy from now on with these nights out. Find an approach that she can join in on, rather than just ‘paying your own’ and leaving her in an awkward position.

Be prepared to both walk away from the social event if CF holds her ground. Realise that this may take some time- she’s pretty hard-skinned. Personally I’d go for a short-sharp-shock approach and be done with it, but that’s obviously not your style!

I’d likely bring it up as soon as she suggests going out. I’d say ‘Jenny, it sounds fun, but I feel I must tell you I don’t think many people will say yes. You’re getting a reputation for not paying your share, and not paying people back afterwards. It’s been noticed.’ No one is going to blame you, they’ll think you honest and actually kind.

If she flies off the handle, you look shocked and say ‘Wow, defensive much? This reaction only makes it look even more like you knew what you were doing. I was kinda holding out some hope you’d done it unconsciously and would be gagging to apologise and rectify it. My mistake.’ Trust me, your colleagues will back you. There’s no chance at all they’ve not noticed her CFery.

stressedoutpa · 30/05/2019 23:30

I wouldn't bother going out with her in the evening or at lunchtime.

Had very similar with a friend a while back. Never offered to drive, was always the last to buy drinks, often missed out on rounds, etc. It literally got to the point where I started to track who had driven/bought rounds as I thought I was going mad. I used to tell her it was her turn to drive and what time to pick me up.

Mind you, no longer friends with her. Lack of generosity has limited appeal for me.

OogieMcBoogie · 30/05/2019 23:31

I have a friend like this...meets up with us and without fail tells us she’s come out without any cash so if we fancy a coffee or treat for the dc we feel obliged to pay for her too. Sick of it.