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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What the hell with colleague

287 replies

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 21:56

We have a colleague who is always instigating work socialising and organising nights out. Prob is she never wants to pay for anything. She never ever buys a drink. She always asks me and my colleagues to get the bogof drinks and she will get the next ones but she never does. She has blagged lunches off colleagues by forgetting her purse app and never paying back. We went out yest and my colleague said she would get the first drink but she needed to get the next ones. She never did. It was awkward as she just sat there with empty glasses. A couple of times she has been on lunch and said she needed a sandwich but forgotten her purse. We went in the sandwich shop once on her request and I'd already eaten a sandwich from home as trying to save money. She looked in her purse she only had some pound coins which she is collecting app. She then proceeded to ask me to pay for her sandwich as she can't spend her coins as collecting. She's asking me and a colleague to come on a few nights out with work in the next few months and trying to convince us to come for a break away. I don't know how to deal with her politely as she won't pay for anything! It's really starting to piss me off. Aibu?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 31/05/2019 09:09

I think you should go to her today and ask her for the money you paid out for her lunch!

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 31/05/2019 09:09

Her: ‘I’m collecting pound coins’
Me: ‘hahahahahaha that’s not a thing.’

user1497997754 · 31/05/2019 09:11

Just drop her life is to short.....just tell her she is stingy and no you don't want to socialise with her...suggests she manages her finances better so she can afford to join in.....she is a cadger x

SalemShadow · 31/05/2019 09:13

Yeah let me know if you can find that thread whatchamacallit. I'm definitely going to be firm now. She is trying to organise a summer do for us all and was bragging at the last one she didn't have to pay for a single drink. I just think she is a scrounger. Not going to enable her anymore.

OP posts:
Myscarfisblue · 31/05/2019 09:19

God she has no shame, just cannot imagine in a million years being happy for anyone to subsidise my lifestyle.

Greenteandchives · 31/05/2019 09:19

I am somewhat surprised at the ‘no cash’ reason from this CF. Most people Have the option to pay by card these days. Does she have a payment card?

missminagrindlay · 31/05/2019 09:21

There's no need to speak to other colleagues, you just tell her NO. Stop going out with her. 'I'm collecting these coins'. 'That's a pity. I don't have any spare money to pay for you that's why I brought my own. You'll have to pay for your own.'

'Forgot my purse'. 'Well, you've got your phone. You can use contactless on your phone.' 'Not enabled.' 'Guess we'll have to head back to the office, I can't afford to pay for yours.' 'But it's just a loan.' 'I don't have any spare at all to loan.'

PeachesAndMayo · 31/05/2019 09:25

Man up. Don't pay. Don't socialise. Why on earth do these people get off with this behaviour?

spanishwife · 31/05/2019 09:27

"I'm buying someone things because they are asking me to... I have no obligation to do this... help what do I do????"

Sockworkshop · 31/05/2019 09:30

Dont say I cant afford to pay for yours.
Say Im NOT paying for yours .

Honestly why are people so drippy !?

ShatnersWig · 31/05/2019 09:32

Why on earth do these people get off with this behaviour?

Because people like the OP and her colleagues ALLOW them to. Repeatedly. Time and time again. For months on end usually, while moaning about the cheeky fucker among themselves. Eventually one of them comes on MN to ask what to do about it and everyone says "grow a fucking backbone, it's as much your fault as theirs". They then somehow miraculously have scales fall from their eyes and decide to do something about it at last, as if they couldn't do so without validation from the MN jury.

Or something like that Grin

SerenDippitty · 31/05/2019 09:39

Next time she suggests a night out say you can’t afford it at the moment and add “it’s OK for you, you never pay for anything”. The time for politeness has gone.

ControversialFerret · 31/05/2019 09:42

Next time she asks, just say "No, I don't want to go because you never pay your way. I don't like socialising with people who take the piss out of others by constantly scrounging".

ginghamtablecloths · 31/05/2019 09:44

You've tried being polite (as would most of us) and it hasn't worked so if you can bear to be a little bit unpleasant you may have to be rude, but a plain and simple 'no' should be sufficient. If not, surely someone is brave enough to tell her to stop taking you all for a ride.

Sundancer77 · 31/05/2019 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sundancer77 · 31/05/2019 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosaWaiting · 31/05/2019 10:12

I don't even understand the "collecting coins" excuse!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/05/2019 10:20

Work out how much money she owes you through her cheekyfuckery. ...that should motivate you to be assertive. ....

If she's scamming 5 miminum a day. ...that's 1200 per year.....that's without the nights out...say they happen every 6 weeks. ...what at a minimum of 30 quid if she's drinking alcohol...another 240 plus so almost 1500 per year...you and your colleagues / pals are subbing her /having this money scammed. ....how many hours do you (as a group) have to work fir thus money?
How would you rather spend this money???

MyCatHatesEverybody · 31/05/2019 10:20

@Sundancer77 Report your own post and ask mumsnet HQ to delete it

Sundancer77 · 31/05/2019 10:22

Thank you! @MyCatHatesEverybody

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/05/2019 10:29

Yes whoever said don't say I can't afford....that implies if you had money you'd sub her....

It's much more powerful to say...:

No,I'm NOT paying for you (as I've continually dome this in the past you've broken every single promise to pay me back)

If you give excuses over ...not being able to afford it/left your purse elsewhere. ..she won't get the message you WON'T rather than can't. ....

VictoriaBun · 31/05/2019 10:31

I had a ( in hindsight ) favour done to me many years ago. Was in my first job and there was a much older lady who had a partner,children etc who would ask me for a couple of quid to be able to get her family dinner as she was a bit short. She said she'd pay me back. I wasn't earning much and although still living at home it would leave me short ( and feeling a bit scared of her ) I did it. Come pay day, nothing. And then she asked again , I did but a little less. It struck me she was still smoking in those times along with nights out, so next time it was a firm no from me . I'm happy to do anything to help anyone but I'm not willing to be taken for a ride by a cf.

Maranello4 · 31/05/2019 10:47

Or don't do rounds? If she's short on money then she can buy her own drinks as and when she likes. No need for her to be part of something else then.

Belenus · 31/05/2019 11:17

Personally, when somebody has been rude to me, I don't consider it a problem to stop being polite to them. Expecting you to pay for her repeatedly without ever paying you back is rude in the extreme.

Yes, this. It took me a while to get the hang of this as my mother was firmly insistent on always being polite in case you upset people. But bollocks to that. Why is it OK for them to upset me but not for me to upset them? If they're rude, the gloves are off. Otherwise they are just relying on you to be too shy and polite to say "No".

WillYouDoTheFandango · 31/05/2019 11:18

You really need to be more assertive. She’s betting on you just letting her get away with it.

I’ll often buy lunch for people in my office and I don’t care if they pay me back because I know they don’t expect it. For example if someone gets trapped in a meeting all day I’ll pop my head in and ask if they want a sandwich. Usually they turn up st my desk days later, mortified they forgot to pay me but I know it’s not on purpose so I don’t mind. I know who the cheeky fuckers are and don’t buy for them.

This woman is using you to fund the lifestyle she wants but can’t afford. And she’s instigating the trips out which makes it worse.

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