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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What the hell with colleague

287 replies

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 21:56

We have a colleague who is always instigating work socialising and organising nights out. Prob is she never wants to pay for anything. She never ever buys a drink. She always asks me and my colleagues to get the bogof drinks and she will get the next ones but she never does. She has blagged lunches off colleagues by forgetting her purse app and never paying back. We went out yest and my colleague said she would get the first drink but she needed to get the next ones. She never did. It was awkward as she just sat there with empty glasses. A couple of times she has been on lunch and said she needed a sandwich but forgotten her purse. We went in the sandwich shop once on her request and I'd already eaten a sandwich from home as trying to save money. She looked in her purse she only had some pound coins which she is collecting app. She then proceeded to ask me to pay for her sandwich as she can't spend her coins as collecting. She's asking me and a colleague to come on a few nights out with work in the next few months and trying to convince us to come for a break away. I don't know how to deal with her politely as she won't pay for anything! It's really starting to piss me off. Aibu?

OP posts:
ElderMillenial · 30/05/2019 22:19

I've had this woth one of DPs friends. He will often come out with us on a day or evebing out and we will do rounds. The first few times we would get home after and realise it was just us getting the drinks and a few times he has a completely free day out. We are stable so don't mind paying more but we now ensure all of us have finished our drinks and then say with a smile, this ones your round isn't it? We've noticed that he drinks slowly purposefully but we wait until he's finished.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 22:20

No-one else has said anything. I didn't want to look a bitch by saying anything. The last couple of times my colleague said to her that she needed to get the next ones or give half the money she didn't do either. She said again yest she would get the first ones and she needs to get the next ones and she never did and said it was time to go. I think if I just say I'll get my own from now on. I was thinking of mentioning it yo my other colleague but didn't want to look like i was being catty

OP posts:
ElderMillenial · 30/05/2019 22:21

Or DP and I discuss if it's mine or his round and then one says oh I think it's yours... childish really but they camt get away with it. If you can't afford to go out... don't

Sweetpea55 · 30/05/2019 22:21

Don't go on the nights out
Don't buy her sandwich even she's got no money. Just say you're short on cash too.

Listlover · 30/05/2019 22:22

Exactly clutter they know what they are doing and rely on people being too soft to call them out meanwhile the freeloading gets are laughing all the way to the bank. Cash upfront is a good motto to live by

Clutterbugsmum · 30/05/2019 22:22

I made a joke had she forgotten her purse again and she completely bit my head off! You should have then asked her when she had, as every time she has forgotten her purse and her shouting at doesn't mean anything accept you know I'm right. And again point out that her behaviour is unacceptable and YOU will not be buying Her anything else.

Listlover · 30/05/2019 22:23

Yo won’t look like a bitch or catty .stop caring what they think of you and bloody stand up for yourself

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/05/2019 22:24

This is why we need the MN Hit Squad - we could go round the country telling these cheeky fuckers a few home truths, so the resident MNer doesn’t have to.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 22:25

What I did the time before last time she wanted to go out was leave my purse in my office. Cue without fail we walked past a sandwich shop and she saying she is hungry but forgotten purse. I said damn is left mine and my other colleague ignored it. It's def done on purpose.

OP posts:
TyneTeas · 30/05/2019 22:25

This tool is to help people work out how much they can save by giving up/cutting back on non-essentials.

You and your colleagues could use it to get an idea of how much this is costing you (and saving her) a year

www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/demotivator/

Clusterfukt · 30/05/2019 22:25

Start doing rounds, everyone puts £20 in. If she doesn’t she doesn’t get drinks!

piekebab · 30/05/2019 22:25

Don't be a mug, she knows exactly what she's doing

Knockout · 30/05/2019 22:26

Stop going out with her... Or stop doing rounds...

Rickandportly · 30/05/2019 22:26

I had a friend who used to do this all the bloody time. She’d always “forgotten her purse”. She did it for years, right from when we were kids but I’m too much of a pushover to say anything.

Then one night when a new friend of mine joined us for a drink and she did the forgotten purse thing and my friend said , “well it’s good that I’m pregnant and not drinking then, I’ll drive you home to get it!”. Her face was a fucking picture.

drinkygin · 30/05/2019 22:26

Some good advice here. She’s got more front than Blackpool- a direct approach is the only way with people like her. Speak up and pull her on her stingy behaviour- people will be cheering you on!

Leeds2 · 30/05/2019 22:26

No wonder she instigates these nights out. She isn't paying for them!

Angie169 · 30/05/2019 22:27

She needs to be told to get her money out , it is bloody cheeky of her to keep getting you and others to pay for her food and drinks.
When she next suggest you go out make a song and dance about her not forgetting her purse and making sure there is the right kind of money (£20s) in it.
Before you go into the pub / cafe/ restaurant stand at the door and ask her if she has her purse and £s if she say no feign surprise and ask in a conspiratorial tone , ooooh yesss and just how were YOU going to pay for OUR food / drinks, ? I don't think its one of them kind of places .

As PP have said if you go out for a drink with her get her to buy the first round , tell her as you walk into the pub - Miss CF you go to the bar and get the drinks and snacks in I will go find a table / go to the loo / make a call .

If she protest just turn tail and say well you may as well just go home then as I am not buying drinks for you tonight .
Been blunt with people like her is sometimes the only way to get through

BumandChips · 30/05/2019 22:27

But you keep doing it, you keep going out with her. Just say no.

She may instigate every night out, doesn’t mean you have to go on them.

Or call her out, every time. Stop doing rounds and get your own drinks.

missminagrindlay · 30/05/2019 22:29

Grow up! You bought her a fucking sandwich when you were skint and trying to save money? She saw you coming! Being catty, my arse. You just start declining going out with her at all. 'Sorry, can't make it'. 'Sorry, have other plans' and don't go. OR you say you're getting your own and don't do rounds with her. She asks you to pay you say, 'That's not possible. I don't have spare funds for that.' Get a backbone, ffs.

missminagrindlay · 30/05/2019 22:31

Gawd, the last time a CF colleague pulled that stunt about 'no money in purse' people said, 'Well, use your contactless/phone/app to transfer money/credit card.' 'Oh, I don't have any money.' 'Tell me about it! Well, you can make up for it when you get home and cook yourself a big dinner.' Can't believe anyone still falls for that shit.

CaptainJaneway62 · 30/05/2019 22:34

You and your colleague need to buy your own drinks( and go to the bar in stealth mode!! Grin )from now on and definitely do not buy the CF colleague any more drinks.
Only take enough money to pay for exactly what you need and keep leaving your purse at work!

Original poster
SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 22:35

Yes you are right. I'm gonna grow a back bone and get my own. I'll mention it to my colleague as well as I think she has noticed. Other colleague isn't on good money - just above minimum wage but I don't think it's fair to keep insisting on going the pub and then not paying!

OP posts:
Original poster
SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 22:36

I'm going to just get my own from now on. I feel rude just going to get mine but fuck it now. It's just so cheeky

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 30/05/2019 22:37

This is why CFs carry on being CFs! Because they keep getting away with it!

Just stop bloody giving her money! It really is as simple as that. Grow a backbone and stop subsidising this freeloader!

Of course she won’t be happy. Cause she will have to start paying for herself like a real adult. But why is that your problem? If she starts having a tantrum just stare at her in disgust and ask why she thinks she should never have to pay for anything?

NewSchoolNewName · 30/05/2019 22:38

Agree you need to start saying no.

If you’re not comfortable with bluntly pointing out that she never pays people back, then make excuses not to pay for her.

If she asks you to buy her a sandwich, then refuse, say you need the money for x, you’ve forgotten your purse, you’ve only got enough for your sandwich, whatever.
Nights out, maybe say at the start of the night that you’re not doing rounds and will just buy your own drinks, or suggest everyone puts ££ in a kitty at the start of the night.