Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What the hell with colleague

287 replies

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 21:56

We have a colleague who is always instigating work socialising and organising nights out. Prob is she never wants to pay for anything. She never ever buys a drink. She always asks me and my colleagues to get the bogof drinks and she will get the next ones but she never does. She has blagged lunches off colleagues by forgetting her purse app and never paying back. We went out yest and my colleague said she would get the first drink but she needed to get the next ones. She never did. It was awkward as she just sat there with empty glasses. A couple of times she has been on lunch and said she needed a sandwich but forgotten her purse. We went in the sandwich shop once on her request and I'd already eaten a sandwich from home as trying to save money. She looked in her purse she only had some pound coins which she is collecting app. She then proceeded to ask me to pay for her sandwich as she can't spend her coins as collecting. She's asking me and a colleague to come on a few nights out with work in the next few months and trying to convince us to come for a break away. I don't know how to deal with her politely as she won't pay for anything! It's really starting to piss me off. Aibu?

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 02/06/2019 21:53

Tewsey's advice is the best advice. I agree that keeping not paying for her low key is the way to go.

user1471590586 · 02/06/2019 22:40

Surely if you go out you can insist she buys the first round. After all she owes you from previous occasions. Also ask her for your money back from the lunch you bought her. In fact when you get to the office tell her you would like her to get you a sandwich as you did for her the other week.

Happynow001 · 03/06/2019 00:17

Re lunch: for the next few weeks continue to bring in a packed lunch from home - just enough for yourself, so no sharing. And as you don't have cash for a lunch bought in the staff canteen or a shop you can't sub anyone else.

Re the evening events: for a while just say you are really short of cash and can't afford to go out. That gets you out of the evening (unless you really do want to go?) and saves you money.

Re the holiday: absolutely not. What an absolute nightmare to spend your precious holiday time with someone you don't respect or like and who is selfish, cunning as well as parsimonious. Better to go alone than with someone like this.

In any case wary of your work colleagues also who might be weak links in the group and not support you and get sucked in by her.

I think just disengaging altogether from this group dynamic would be the way to go for a while.

Tewsey · 03/06/2019 01:36

wary of your work colleagues also who might be weak links in the group and not support you

This with bells on.

Often in workplace bullying situations (and she is a bully - a sneaking passive-aggressive one not a direct one but she’s basically plotting to steal money out of your purse) you find that a lot of people have clearly had the same problem with the bully BUT are happy to see one person “take the flak”.

They might informally express that they are annoyed by her behaviour and goad/encourage you into being brave and group spokesperson and confronting her.

But then if it all kicks off and she causes trouble (targeted at you, which you’ll have to deal with) they’ll let you be scapegoat and get amnesia and be all “well WE don’t have a problem with her”

Keep your head down and watch your own back and cut your losses (socially and financially)

Kisskiss · 03/06/2019 11:08

Don’t organise anyone against her, don’t curtail work socialising because of her either. Just be more assertive!!!!! Next time you are all out, say “ hey, insert name guess it’s your round from last time, I’ll have a __ please.” It’ll get easier the more you do it and you’ll feel a lot Better.
Re the free sandwich /lunch freeloading, just say you don’t have any cash ( you don’t have to open your purse to prove it!!!)

user1471590586 · 03/06/2019 11:24

If she asks you to buy a sandwich again say, you still owe me for the last one. It's your turn to buy.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 03/06/2019 11:39

Placemarking for lunchtime Grin

user1471590586 · 03/06/2019 11:54

And if she hasn't got cash tell her to use a card. Surely most people buy using chip and pin or contactless these days.

Pinkyyy · 03/06/2019 12:01

So OP, anything to tell?

Densol999 · 03/06/2019 12:25

I have a mate like this ! I call her Highway Robber to her face Grin She actually cant seem to help herself being a CF ! I obviously dont subsidise her anymore, she seems to manage to get blokes to buy her drinks now ( including whole bottles of wine ) She isnt young or skint either !

The thing is she KNOWS what she is doing, and finds it almost like a competition to see how much free stuff she can ponce in an evening.

Just be straight, say no the free gravy train is over from you. She'll migrate to someone else. They always do

caringcarer · 03/06/2019 12:28

Go to pub and tell her she can buy first round of drinks, if she says she has forgotten her purse say oh dear you have forgotten yours too. You should have laughed when she said she is collecting pound coins and said well you choose to pay for your sandwich or go hungry. You are saving your pound coins too now Wink.

Pinkvoid · 03/06/2019 12:34

I just don’t understand how people can sit back and let others walk all over them like this. Why do you always dig your hand into your purse to pay when you know damn well she’ll never ever pay you back?

Don’t do it again. Stop inviting her out for drinks, if she asks you to pay for anything in future just say no.

Andylion · 03/06/2019 13:19

Another thought- does she have financial problems ? Is she saving coins for slot machines perhaps ?!!

I used to save coins to use for the lottery group I run at work . We each put in $2 (Canadian) a week. To avoid having to chase 13 people for a toonie every week, they give me a 10 or twenty. I use my stash of coins to make change.

Now I just go to the bank teller and ask for $40 in loonies and toonies. (One and two dollar coins.)

But, back to the important matter, just say "no", OP.

DeRigueurMortis · 03/06/2019 15:07

The joys of modern technology....

She might forget her purse but I bet she has her phone.

Next time.....

"Forgot your purse? No problem, just transfer me £20 via internet banking and I'll give you the cash."

"Don't want to spend pound coins? Get apple pay on your phone and and you can use your phone to pay the correct amount".

"Don't have internet banking/Apple Pay? Well given the frequency you forget to have money on you then you should. After all you don't want people to stop coming out with you because they think they have to sub you all the time."

H2OH20Everywhere · 03/06/2019 19:07

Any update, @SalemShadow ?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/06/2019 19:18

@SalemShadow - I've tried to find that thread and unfortunately, I haven't had any success. I don't know if anyone else can remember it (or find it) but I didn't want to leave the thread without coming back with an update (not the update I wanted to post but an update nonetheless).

shazchip · 04/06/2019 07:11

What's the latest OP?

louisvootin · 05/06/2019 09:02

any update OP? Smile

Wherearemycrayons · 05/06/2019 09:15

I can’t believe people are actually this brazen I really can’t. I feel bad enough when someone pays when I genuinely Forget my purse 😳

Angie169 · 05/06/2019 23:52

Any up date OP ?

RestingBitchFaced · 06/06/2019 09:14

Was hoping for an update too. I can guarantee your other colleagues have noticed too by the way. Hope you get the opportunity to call her out on her behaviour this week

SalemShadow · 06/06/2019 09:15

I agree with all of you. She hasn't been I work this week- off sick. Though she has organised a night out with everyone at work
next week. I'll be ready and waiting with my responses. Grin

OP posts:
SalemShadow · 06/06/2019 09:17

She has often used the excuse "damn no cash". When I point out she can use her card She always seemed annoyed. There was an issue a month ago where the office money she manages was out. it was down. Plus things going missing. Made me a bit suspicious.

OP posts:
Unburnished · 06/06/2019 09:57

Wait. She manages office money?

Who on earth put her in charge of that?

wibbletooth · 06/06/2019 10:16

Any chance that reads mnet and realises the game is up, hence the sick leave?