To question whether it is us or our neighbours who are being unreasonable

[ThespianTendencies]

DS - 12 is a keen musician. He likes to play piano. He also likes playing on his Xbox. Three times in recent weeks the neighbours have complained about noise. First time was about 945pm and ds was playing piano in the dining room (we are semi detached). The piano is on the wall that does not back onto their dining room wall. He was playing with gusto but I could barely hear him from the lounge so not unreasonably loud imho. The neighbour texted and asked if he could stop as he had to be up at 5am. I told ds to quieten down and he stopped playing and played his guitar instead. This happened again about 2 weeks later when ds was on piano - again it was not late; 10pm, within the reasonable time to be able to play music in your own home I would have thought. Then last night, neighbour texted to ask if ds was Ok as he could hear screaming from upstairs. I said I was sure he was OK as he was on his Xbox playing Fortnight and could I hear him laughing and chatting with his friends online. Again, this was 1030pm so not ludicrously late and I don't think we should be tiptoeing around after 10pm just because our neighbour has to be up at 5am. I did go to ds and told him to quieten down of course, which he did. I totally appreciate that we must be mindful of our neighbours, we have lived side by side for nearly 9 years. I made no comments or complaints when their young baby was crying through the night or when their two girls wake every morning during weekends and holidays alike at 630am. It is family life and having had two children myself, I understand it. I have made sure that ds has quietened down every time but I am not sure that they are being very fair. If it was past 11pm or early hours of the morning then fair enough, but this seems like we are being made to shut up! Your thoughts please.

What does 'gusto' mean?

I don't think your son should be playing after 9pm. Getting up at 5am for work is miserable.
You don't sound like very respectful neighbours.

I have neighbours with 4 children who spend whole evenings screaming at their games console at full volume (Dad often joining in too). They don't seem to have a bedtime. One of them also plays some kind of wind instrument and usually starts practising at 9pm. I understand children are noisy, wake up early, do lots of stomping and shouting...but some things do feel disrespectful and are easily avoidable. The point is definitely that you CAN do something about this noise. A crying baby or a toddler waking up at 5am you can't.

OP, if you could hear your NDN's baby cry and their DC get up at 6.30 a.m. then you should appreciate they will hear the piano playing and DS and friends playing in the bedroom.
Piano playing for a long period is bound to get on their nerves.

I do think it is fine generally to do things like DIY until 10 p.m. but not if you live in a house with rubbish sound insulation. I have hardly ever heard my NDN through the walls in my 1930s house but in many newer-builds sound does travel.

If you can't hear the noise yourself, and I don't mean this rudely, do you think you may need your ears syringed or perhaps have a hearing problem?

It’s not your neighbour that’s BU, it’s most definitely you.

I live in a terrace of musicians. We all play multiple instruments. Next door’s piano is not against a joining wall to ours and when he’s practicing I can hear him very clearly if it’s quiet in our house, enough to join in with him! None of us would dream of playing any of our instruments past 8pm because we all very aware even though we enjoy each others music we have jobs to get to in the morning and children to get to bed. It’s called being a considerate neighbour.

As for X-box noise coming through from next door at 9.30pm, that would drive me fucking mental. At that time in the evening, screaming/shouting/battle noise etc is not reasonable average family noise.

Read your OP.

In 9 years they have made no complaints. So why are they complaining now? Because your ds is noisier than you realise.

Babies can't help crying and there's a limit to how silent you can make small children, but a 12 year old can control themselves.

Getting up at 5am is a bit of a red herring imo. No matter how early your neighbour gets up, it's reasonable to expect quiet from your neighbours after about 9pm.

I do think you should keep the volume down a bit more.

otoh - is this a reverse?

When my girls are practising music, it's during daytime hours, and (given they're not particularly talented, it's just a hobby), it's only 20 minutes to half an hour at a time.

I have been surrounded by trumpet players, electric guitar players, trombone players, a highland fucking band, and drummers. It's not fair when it's in the evening, or when it goes on for ages. And that's when NOT living in a semi-detached.

As far as I’m aware the 11pm guideline is for a one off noisy event like a party or fireworks where it’s considered reasonable to quiet things down by then.

For every day living in tandem with your neighbours time I think common sense should prevail for turning things down earlier, especially on work days.

And I’m another thinking your year 7 kid should be asleep or at least winding down for bed at 10pm on a school night

He complained so he stopped playing piano and started playing his guitar instead - Ffs!

Buy a detached property if you don’t want to adapt your behaviour but if you live in a semi you have to act considerately. Practice earlier in afternoon. Electronic instruments with headphones if playing later in evening (and if I knew my neighbours had v young children and likely going to bed at 7 ish i’d be setting an really early time for acoustic playing to stop). A baby crying and children getting up very early is annoying (I’m living it with my own!) but it is largely unavoidable noise and differently from older children and adults choosing to make noise, too late in the evening. Your neighbours should of course tend to the crying baby promptly and try and avoid loud games or garden play early in morning as quid pro quo. But I think you are being unrealistic with your son and what is neighbourly.

This has got to be a reverse?

You sound like the neighbours from hell...
Why on earth would you tell him to come off the piano and then let him go on a guitar?
I would hate to live next to you!
In comparison, I have the most amazing considerate neighbours.

I would treat any loud noise whatever the reason as I would around those "unspoken sociable hours". So like there's no DIY or lawn mowing before 9am and past 9pm, so it's the same with shouting/screaming or playing musical instruments.

Babies crying is a different matter, sometimes no matter what you do, they continue crying, but that's not the same as your DS. (I have a DS the same age, who also shouts on his Xbox when playing with friends!).

10pm is very late if you have to be up at 5am. I think you're attitude is a tad unreasonable.

Actually, 10pm is too late for anyone to hear noise from next door, whatever time they get up in the morning.

Can you do something to the piano to dull the noise a bit? Like rehearsal pads on a drum kit.

This thread has made me feel really guilty. My DCs regularly play instruments up to 10pm. They usually finish homework/revision and then practice instruments. I know my neighbour very well so will need to go and apologise. They have never complained!

This would drive me insane - 10pm is far too late to be making such noise. I'd expect all noise to cease from 9pm onwards on weekdays.
You can not compare a baby crying to an ignorant family thinking's it's acceptable to play instruments at 10 at night. Your poor neighbours.

Why not get him some headphones that he can plug into the guitar? That’s what DH does, so I do t have to listen to Santana at full volume. Put a curfew on the piano of 8 or 8.30. Or move it to a room that is opposite to the attached side.

That's too late. And I'm surprised he stopped playing the piano and picked up his guitar.

Sounds selfish to me

You just need to check if they’re ok with it @coffecoffeetea. They might be who knows but the point is OPs neighbours aren’t ok with it and it’s affecting them negatively.

Pretty unanimous but just in case it wasn't clear YABU

I do think 9.30/10pm is late for music, piano, guitar and loud Xbox. Both me and my dh work early so are in bed by 9.30. I make sure my dc quieten down at about 7.30pm as my neighbours (and us), start to relax for the evening then

My adult DD is a professional musician (classical pianist), we live in a terrace - she wouldn't dream of playing piano after 9.30/10 at night - and her piano playing is pretty damn good. Really don't think i;d want to hear a child playing a 10pm - however keen he is - that late.

My neighbour on one side has a baby and she sometimes cries in the night - IMO this is not in the same category, babies cry, it's not something you can do much about, - a child playing piano late when other people have to get up early for work is something you can prevent. (I agree their girls shouldn;t make noise at crack of dawn either) if you live in attached housing, you have to be considerate of your neighbours.

If I listen to TV or radio late at night, I use ear plugs, so I don't inflict my choices on other people.

I will pop in when I get home from work and check, lately youngest DC was practicing a lot as had her instrument exams and music GCSE!

10pm IS late to be playing and making si much noise that it disturbs the neighbours.
You may have selective hearing because he's your child.
Then again maybe you're all loud and obnoxious hence you don't seem to see anything wrong with his behaviour - there's no need to be so loud on the xbox, use earphones and be self aware.

I don’t think you’re BU, maybe cap it at 9:30 but it sounds like you’ve been a respectful neighbour, not fussing about their noise etc it’s a kid playing a piano not a load of people having a rave next door every night, it’s surely the sort of noise people could switch off to. As you say they have kids being noisy in the morning, alright can’t help the baby but if they’re gonna fuss then maybe demand they make their kids quieten down in the morning!

Also can’t believe how mean people are being to you!

Wow yabvu. That’s far too late! Just because your ds can lounge around in bed, your neighbours can’t. 9pm should be the cut off for all loud noise!

You're taking the piss. Stop being so selfish and have some consideration for your neighbours.