To question whether it is us or our neighbours who are being unreasonable

[ThespianTendencies]

DS - 12 is a keen musician. He likes to play piano. He also likes playing on his Xbox. Three times in recent weeks the neighbours have complained about noise. First time was about 945pm and ds was playing piano in the dining room (we are semi detached). The piano is on the wall that does not back onto their dining room wall. He was playing with gusto but I could barely hear him from the lounge so not unreasonably loud imho. The neighbour texted and asked if he could stop as he had to be up at 5am. I told ds to quieten down and he stopped playing and played his guitar instead. This happened again about 2 weeks later when ds was on piano - again it was not late; 10pm, within the reasonable time to be able to play music in your own home I would have thought. Then last night, neighbour texted to ask if ds was Ok as he could hear screaming from upstairs. I said I was sure he was OK as he was on his Xbox playing Fortnight and could I hear him laughing and chatting with his friends online. Again, this was 1030pm so not ludicrously late and I don't think we should be tiptoeing around after 10pm just because our neighbour has to be up at 5am. I did go to ds and told him to quieten down of course, which he did. I totally appreciate that we must be mindful of our neighbours, we have lived side by side for nearly 9 years. I made no comments or complaints when their young baby was crying through the night or when their two girls wake every morning during weekends and holidays alike at 630am. It is family life and having had two children myself, I understand it. I have made sure that ds has quietened down every time but I am not sure that they are being very fair. If it was past 11pm or early hours of the morning then fair enough, but this seems like we are being made to shut up! Your thoughts please.

YABVU music and noise should be off/down or on headphones by 2130 at the latest. I go to bed at 10pm so it would annoy me.

Selfish! Having a baby crying at night is hardly a life choice.

Why is your 12yo up so late playing piano? I’d say no playing after 9pm, especially since you know your neighbours get up at 5. Or you could buy a detached house...

I’m not sure why you can’t hear your ds when your neighbour can...

If I was your neighbour I’d be complaining too I’m afraid, all noise should stop at 9pm. We stop playing music and our tv is on a sensible volume after this time. Our neighbours are retired so they aren’t up really early but it’s just common decency. I’ve apologised on several occasions when we’ve had very small babies crying all night, they just say not to worry they couldn’t hear it anyway (they definitely could, I hear them sneeze!) and that we’ve all been there.

There’s a big difference between a baby crying in the night and a teenager choosing to play musical instruments or gaming though!

Even if you don’t think it’s an unreasonable time, why not try to be a good neighbour? When my boys were little the neighbour did shift work. Our houses were not joined but our gardens were. I asked him to let me know each time he was going on nights and made sure the boys were playing in the house and not the garden till after lunch on those days so at least he got 6 or 7 hours of peace.

I’m sorry but you are being totally unreasonable - your poor neighbours, I’m surprised how polite they seem to have been. Why is a 12 year old playing the piano at 10pm at night, doesn’t he have school in the mornings - he should be in bed!
I would say you should stop music practice at 7:30pm and allow your neighbours some quite down time too. Sorry but you did ask

Having had my life made an absolute misery by nightmare neighbours here are my thoughts:

1. any time after 9pm is too late to be playing a piano or shouting on the Xbox... just because you don't think it's too loud doesn't mean it isn't and as you think anything before 11pm or early hours is just fine, your judgement means diddly squat.

2. a young baby crying is NOT the same as piano playing. You understand this so don't play dumb.

3. actually you DO need to be quiet "just because our neighbours have to get up at 5am": you live in a semi and it's called basic human decency. I dare say they have to work.

4. he's 12... he should be in bed by 9pm not making a racket or on his xbox.

5. He stopped playing his piano and picked up his guitar... is this a joke??

Let me explain something you clearly do not understand: noise pollution caused by neighbours is a very real problem. It can lead to disputes and worse, it can severely impact on peoples mental health and you can be prosecuted for it.

In short, stop being a selfish, self absorbed asshat.... you don't live in a field in the middle of nowhere so until then you are (or should) be bound by the laws of common sense/decency and if not, you can always be bound over and you can change your MN handle to AsboAngela.... it's no less than you would deserve.

If you don't want your neighbours to wage war on you I suggest you get over there, apologise and agree a reasonable time to play the piano, I suggest 6pm.

Yes it's harsh, no I don't care.

Instruments at 10:30 - way too late. I think non headphone music should stop at 8.

I think it should be about treating others as you'd like to be treated. So if your neighbour is up at 5am then of course you should agree a reasonable cut-off point to be quiet. Why would you not want to do that? It's just shitty not to be considerate of others.

I lived in a flat upstairs from someone we nicknamed "Bontempi Man" because he used to play piano badly on a 1970s plastic organ until often 11pm at night. He used to write his own songs. They were not good - just to make the whole thing worse. I ended up moving flat as it was driving me insane and he wouldn't stop, even after being asked politely several times.

This was just a goading post,ignore

I think at 12 years old it is far too late for him to be up playing x-box at that time of night, he should be in bed! Especially on a school night!! You are totally unreasonable. I have 3 teenagers and no way would they be playing an instrument at that time. I'd say 9pm is the cut off.

Personally I think that's really late for playing the piano if you live in a semi. I would never play mine after 8.30. Irrespective of what time people get up it is a noise intrusion on them, and a regular one. They could be meditating, reading or quietly listeningtothe radio all of which would be wrecked by the piano playing.
Is there a reason he plays it so late? Why doesn't he do piano practice when he comes home from school first then can do other stuff that's quieter later on .
Regarding the computer games, if I can hear my son talking yo his friends online and mucking about from outside his room in the evening it's too loud. I find it unpleasant in the backgrounds and if he wants to be loudly talking he can talk to us instead.
It's easy to forget that pur neighbours can hear everything through our walls, some things are u navoidable like the kids running up and down stairs to get ready for school, but others can be easily modified to make the other persons life better with no real downside to us. I think it takes a time to listen to your house whilst not being involved in what's happening.

Yabvu. Think how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of the piano noise and you were trying to sleep, because you had to get up at 5am to do your full time job. I have had to deal with much worse, especially with a new born at the time. I had to deal with idiots from an upstairs flat that played for the loca rugby team. Every weekend, they came back with the whole team and had all night parties. Many times I had words, many times the police were called, till I threatened them with legal action and media attention. It soon stopped. We have since moved because I no longer felt safe in my own home. Dealing with all of that shit and getting used to a newborn was the worst time of my life. Noise after a certain time for most folk is not on. If your house is detached and in a big field, away from others, fine, however it's not fine when it's just a few bricks through the wall away! 10pm for a 12 year old playing piano etc is too late and disrespectful of the neighbours. Be considerate. Be nice. And your neighbour's will be nice back.

Having played fortnite myself I think it’s far too late. It really winds you up and will mess with his sleep long term.

I’d have him stop at 9.30pm and introduce better sleep hygiene.

I'd say 21.00 onwards is late personally. Given that child is in bed at 19.00, and depending on the time I'm up in the morning (shifts) I can be in bed not long after. Piano practise should be done by 20.00, as I'm afraid after that you are encroaching in others quiet time. And whilst obviously your insulation between rooms is great- if three different occasions have elicited a please quiet down from different neighbours they are not out to get you, your son is obviously increasing in volume with battering the keyboard and shouting at fortnite

10pm too late for piano playing and I would also question why a 12 year old is still up at 10pm, let alone 10.30pm playing fortnite. All advice says no interactive screen time an hour before bed! What time does your son go to bed?

My DH plays the piano. We live in a semi. He never plays before 9am (10am on weekends) or after 9pm. He has also spoken to our neighbour to tell her that she should feel free to pop round and tell him to STFU if it ever disturbs her when he does play - there will be no offence taken.

You have to be considerate - pianos are UNBELIEVABLY loud. There aren’t many louder things you can do apart from perhaps some kinds of building work.

I’m pretty laxed on bedtimes at weekends and holidays yet my 11 can get loud playing on the computer so he knows past 8.30 if he wants to play on it keep the noise down just because our household is still awake doesn’t mean our neighbours is. It’s just common curtesy. I’ve had the one off where he has had a sleepover and they are louder than usual I’ll always say to my neighbour attached so sorry about the noise last night ds had a sleepover, they never moan they always laugh and say don’t worry about it. I’d hate to live next door to people who’s lives we make hell and by letting my son scream and shout on the Xbox or play piano late at night that’s essentially what I would be doing. Not fair at all poor sods must be going out of their mind.

*11 year old

I would say 9pm is the reasonable cut off

Yes it is you... not them.

Far too feckin late man but guess you know that by now! 😆

10pm is too late for "gusto" Piano playing, especially if school night.

My dd has an electric full keyboard piano. With headphones.

It wasn't too expensive as pianos go. (Discontinued store purchase)

Surely this thread is a wind up. Don'twasteourtimeOP.

Surely this is a joke? I have a 12 year old DS. He plays drums, guitar and the PS4 but never past 9pm.