To question whether it is us or our neighbours who are being unreasonable

[ThespianTendencies]

DS - 12 is a keen musician. He likes to play piano. He also likes playing on his Xbox. Three times in recent weeks the neighbours have complained about noise. First time was about 945pm and ds was playing piano in the dining room (we are semi detached). The piano is on the wall that does not back onto their dining room wall. He was playing with gusto but I could barely hear him from the lounge so not unreasonably loud imho. The neighbour texted and asked if he could stop as he had to be up at 5am. I told ds to quieten down and he stopped playing and played his guitar instead. This happened again about 2 weeks later when ds was on piano - again it was not late; 10pm, within the reasonable time to be able to play music in your own home I would have thought. Then last night, neighbour texted to ask if ds was Ok as he could hear screaming from upstairs. I said I was sure he was OK as he was on his Xbox playing Fortnight and could I hear him laughing and chatting with his friends online. Again, this was 1030pm so not ludicrously late and I don't think we should be tiptoeing around after 10pm just because our neighbour has to be up at 5am. I did go to ds and told him to quieten down of course, which he did. I totally appreciate that we must be mindful of our neighbours, we have lived side by side for nearly 9 years. I made no comments or complaints when their young baby was crying through the night or when their two girls wake every morning during weekends and holidays alike at 630am. It is family life and having had two children myself, I understand it. I have made sure that ds has quietened down every time but I am not sure that they are being very fair. If it was past 11pm or early hours of the morning then fair enough, but this seems like we are being made to shut up! Your thoughts please.

10pm is too late in my opinion.

You mention that you never complained when their kids woke you at 6:30am, but how would you feel if they did wake you at 5am when they got up? In your neighbour's defence, he probably goes to bed at 9pm in order to get enough sleep (you say he HAS to get up at 5am, so I am guessing it's for work and not just a lifestyle choice) I'd be pissed if someone was playing the piano that late, it's not necessary to practice then, and perhaps your neighbour is starting to think you're trolling him?

With the video games surely he could wear headphones to quieten the noise? Or ask him to play the games downstairs instead of upstairs? there's another post about noise today where someone rightly points out that upstairs noise seems to travel way more than downstairs noise.

It seems silly to fall out with them after 9 years of what sounds like a really good relationship. This problem is easily solved with a few very minor adjustments that won't really cause you or your son any inconvenience, but sounds like it would make the world of difference for your neighbour.

I'd quieten down after 9pm on a weekday. In part, it's the stress of hearing someone at 10pm and wondering at what point they will shut up. Then you're wound up so even if they quieten down shortly afterwards it can be difficult to get to sleep. I'd tell the neighbour that Sun-Thurs there will be no music after nine, and Fri-Sat you'll be quiet after 11pm.

Don't know about your DS but mine is very loud when he plays computer games,commenting,shouting at it when it goes wrong,cheering when it goes right - it drives me up the wall and he is my Pfb , well Psb.
10.40 is too loud for me yo be able yo hear it in another room and it's too late for your neighbours to hear it through the wall.

@Bookworm4

"9pm is considered the cut off for unreasonable noise,"
By whom?

Of course you are in the wrong. 10pm and later is not being considerate to your neighbours. And if I had asked my son to stop playing the piano because he was disturbing someone and he deliberately started playing another instrument he would be playing neither for a week.

My sons sometimes get carried away with their x boxes, they don't realise how loud they are being white headsets on but they either quiet down or don't play.

I would stop my sons making noise long before 10pm but definitely not later under any circumstances.

You, you're the unreasonable one.

You are absolutely the unreasonable neighbour.

I live in a terrace. I have 2 DCs who play noisy instruments (think electric ones with amps) and play fortnight. They never play instruments after 8.30 pm, and I don't let them play on the PS4 after about 8.30 either, and definitely not within an hour of bed.

My youngest DC is the same age as yours.

I would not enjoy living next door to you.

Nothing noisy after 9pm sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Christ what time does your 12 year old go to bed! I wouldn't want you as my neighbour if you think playing instruments at 10pm isn't unreasonable!

I think 9pm for loud instruments is a fair time to stop. And your neighbour needs to be up at 5am so personally I would be somewhat considerate of that.

The neighbours are going to end up snapping OP if you carry on like this. I'd say no noise at all after 9p.m.
Last thing you want is for the neighbours to end up threatening you or damaging your property or something.

You are being so unreasonable.

I am surprised you need to ask and also wonder what time your son goes to bed ?

I would have thought 8/8.30 is the time to be stopping.

It's not just about it being "late"-presumably if they might like a couple of hrs in the evening when they're not being disturbed by next door!

Can't see how you can think at all that your neighbours abu.

This makes me love my neighbours even more. They told me they were getting their son a drum kit for Christmas, but reassured me it would be an electric one so not too noisy, and then popped round to check after a few days whether there was any problem with the noise.

I'm genuinely stumped as to why someone would need to ask if being noisy at night is unreasonable. OP, were you raised by wolves??

I live in a flat and our rules are no noise after 9PM and before 8AM. I think that's reasonable.

We have a rule that the children can't play their musical instruments after 9pm. It just seems the considerate thing to do.

YABVU!! My DS is also 12, he’s not allowed on his Xbox after 8.30, and is showered and tucked up in bed by 9.30 at the very latest!

What time is your DS going to bed if you’re allowing him to wander about playing instruments with gusto and screaming at his Xbox???

I hope this is a reverse, surely nobody is this ignorant?!

If they have little children maybe the noise is keeping them awake.
I think the noise of small children waking is annoying but part and parcel of living with shared walls.
Playing the piano anything after 7 imo is pretty selfish if they have small children.
My whole family played really loud instruments as a young person- accordion, violins and banjos. We wouldn't have considered playing that late as it's not fair.

My DC are grown now and my memory of their childhood has faded, but isn't 10/10.30pm late for a 12 year old to be up? And regardless of age, you share a wall with neighbours so YABU allowing him to play his instruments and Xbox so late.

Actually this must be a reverse.

Piano, guitar and loud xbox at 9.30-10pm. Yeah YABtotallyU.