AIBU - parents changed their will

[Mereday]

I'll try to paint as clear a picture of as possible!

My DH and I are sometimes struggling financially because I have been unable to work due to illness for most of my adult life. We do OK mostly, but we are living off one (below national average) salary so we can't afford luxuries or holidays. Anyway, that's just how it is, and we are managing, so it's all right.

In contrast, my brother has done really well for himself! He's smart, driven and has a great mind for business, and he married a very wealthy lady who is equally smart and driven. We get along well - I think that's important to say - but their lives are very different from ours. They're constantly away on exotic holidays, they have a gardener, a nanny and a housekeeper, and they own multiple properties. In short, they are just extremely well off. They work hard, but they love it too.

My DH and I are close with my aunt and uncle, who have no children of their own. We had been on the lookout for a small flat, our first, and found one we loved, but we could not quite afford it. My aunt and uncle decided they wanted to help us out and paid for the deposit out of their savings - a very generous gift for which we were really grateful.

Anyway, my parents now heard about this gift, and while they are happy for us, they thought it unfair towards my brother. So they have decided to change their will: my brother will now get that same sum out of our joint inheritance and any remainder will be split between us. Of course I did not say anything - it's my parents' money and all - but I cannot help feeling a little hard done by. That money is absolutely nothing to my brother - he told me he did not care either way - and would be a windfall to DH, me and our DS.

I'm not sure why it bothers me. It is fair, but not equal? Equal, but not fair? Brother's family is set to inherit millions through his wife's parents as well, whereas DH has a working class background. As I said, I did not protest when my parents told us, but looking at my DS just now who will have so much less than his cousins already - sometimes that hurts and I just felt it all of a sudden. So, Mumsnet, are my feelings unreasonable?

Money is tricky. Are you unreasonable to feel as you do? No. Would you brother have been unreasonable to feel hurt has your parents not done this? No.

What your parents should have done is not mentioned it. Odds are all the money will be gone on care before it gets to you anyway and all this hurt is for no reason.

How much was it you got? That makes a difference. If they gifted you £200k that’s a balance that should be redressed. £20k, not so much.

I'd be upset if my child took a large gift knowing their siblings wasn't getting the same then complained when it meant they got less later. Happy to benefit themselves but then cross when they know it was made equal.

Maybe try reading the OP's post, where she explains that she hasn't 'complained' or got 'cross' with either her parents or her brother.

She came on here to ask whether people felt her parents had treated her kindly, and in my view no, they haven't.

And, as has been pointed out, the inheritance, when it comes, won't be 'equal'. The brother will be given a greater amount than the OP .

You don't leave less to one child because they dared make a success of their life money wise. You treat children the same regardless

I totally disagree. If one child has millions in the bank and the other rents a small flat, and you have £200K to leave, that money will mean so much more to the second child and the first child just doesn't need it.

And my parents are my aunt and uncle's heirs.

This is what makes the difference IMO, because the parents probably don't need to inherit from their siblings so see themselves as a conduit for the money to go to OP and her brother, so it is like if her parents had given her some inheritance early to help with a house.
It's all irrelevant anyway after it'll likely go on care bills.

If one child has millions in the bank and the other rents a small flat, and you have £200K to leave, that money will mean so much more to the second child and the first child just doesn't need it.

Then they can make the decision to forgo their inheritance in favour of their sibling. Everybody knows the apportioning of inheritance is about so much more than the numbers.