Paranoid or was he with someone

[sleepisfor]

Been seeing a guy for a month and yesterday things were normal all day.
He was messaging me etc even at work.
Got to 8pm and I text him and no reply.
He wasn't on WhatsApp /Facebook etc for the rest of the night.
He finished work at 4 and went to the gym so I knew he was home.
Anyway haven't slept all night.thinking he is with another woman.
He text me at 5.30 am when he will have been getting up for the gym then he starts work at 7.30 am.
I feel sick to my stomach he is always on social media and there is no reason why he wasn't active after 8pm apart from being with another woman.
What do I do?
Ask him why he wasn't active
Why he didn't reply till 5.30 am?
Aibu ?
I don't even know

I don't have a clue.
I think he went off and came back on.
I didn't meet him on tinder.
I've known him for ages and we met in a pub about 5 weeks ago and swapped numbers.
I had fancied him for years.
He's text me loads since he finished work.
Maybe I was being paranoid
It's him initiating convo too so it's not like I'm pestering him.

Do you feel able to talk to him about it? As in, in person?

Not really nc.

OP you really do not sound very well.
Why should he text you all day? He does not owe you a text every day. I often do not text people back until the next day.
You are dating for one month, you are not even in a relationship!
Your thoughts have really jumped to a place that is not in any way reality. And you are making yourself sound unhinged.
Listen to it like someone else is saying it:
I have been dating a guy for a few weeks, he didnt answer my text one night (a text that did not need an answer). He texted me early the next morning, omg he is with another woman!
Ger counselling

Sorry you are upset by this. Maybe you became intimate too soon without knowing if you were in an inclusive relationship and you are not coping with this. Build your own self esteem and maybe back off and keep your options open. Good luck

Did he ever tell you he had come off tinder.

Or did you assume he did and then got back on?

Because if he never told you he came off and you arent actually an exclusive couple, then he has done nothing wrong.

Seeing someone for a month doesnt imply exclusivity. A converstation about it does.

I could go to sleep at 8pm ever bloody night. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he just wanted some downtime without his phone going off.

You may not be showing him this manic side. But dont kid yourself that he wont pick on these vibes.

Jesus, your ex was a dick. How long did it take you to get over that?

A similar thing happen to an acquaintance of mine. They were in the process of buying a house together. He had stayed at hers one night, then got up at about 5 in the morning, left, and she never saw him again. That was about two years ago and she's still not over it.

You need to stop dating. You are not ready. You need to work on loving yourself and knowing that no man can make you feel better/happier/loved/content only you can do that. Until then you will keep driving yourself mad like this. It's not normal or healthy.

Go do the work to make yourself happy.

@EnglishRose13 ages and I don't think I'm really over it.
I have zero feelings for him but just worry about everyone now,wondering do they mean what they say etc

@Icandothisallday no he never said he was off tinder but told me he had never met anyone off there

@sleepisfor what a horrible experience to have gone through. It's not surprising in many ways that you've become mistrusting of everyone you date but unfortunately PPs are correct that it's really not good for you to obsess so much. I get where you're coming from about patterns and changes in behaviour - therapy would help you come to terms with not tarring everyone with the same brush.

I "met" someone OLD earlier this year and we'd spoken on the phone a few times and arranged to meet. The next day, my 89 year old mother was taken into hospital and aside from texting my brother and sister, I didn't contact anyone else. When I finally got home, pretty tired, I had NINE messages from this man I'd never met who barely knew me, with increasing desperation as he wondered where I was and what I was doing.

I cancelled our date.

I'm not suggesting that you're like this man. Just that if you can't be more relaxed about his reduced contact at times, this might not be for you at this time.

You know that there’s absolutely no way you can keep tabs on where he is and what he’s up to 24 hours a day so you do need to put a stop to this or you’ll drive yourself mad with unfounded worry.

If he goes quiet for half a day, so what? Maybe he had a friend round. Maybe he went to the pub with mates to watch what was a really big football game - even non-football fans do this for the social element. Maybe he was engrossed in a computer game. Maybe he watched a film and fell asleep. There are so many completely normal, plausible things he could be doing that just assuming he’s in bed with a woman is a hell of a stretch to make.

The best advice anyone ever gave to me about relationships is to work on being the sort of person I’d want to date. Nobody wants to be with someone who sits at home checking up on them via social media and getting upset when they don’t know where they are all the time. So, distract yourself and keep yourself busy because at the moment you are spending YOUR free time worrying about what he’s doing in HIS free time and tracking him on social media. Rather than sitting in and worrying what he’s doing, go to a yoga class or for a run. Make a cake. Call a friend over and get a pizza in. Watch a brilliant tv series. Give yourself interesting things to talk to him about that say, ‘yeah - we didn’t chat last night but that’s cool as I was up to fun stuff myself.’ Anything other than constantly checking your phone and tracking him because you will drive yourself mad.

no he never said he was off tinder but told me he had never met anyone off there

So he isnt back on it. He never left because you have never discussed being exclusive. Getting notifications doesnt mean he is meeting someone. You get notifications if someone swipes you as a yes. Doesnt mean he is meeting people or lied about meeting anyone on there.

I have been on tinder. Never met anyone from there. Had it on my phone for a while. Then deleted cause the notification were annoying.

You have said he is back on tinder, hinting he has lied or lied about meeting people. He hasnt.

but he never told you this was exclusive, you’re just assuming. wrongly