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AIBU?

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Original poster

Paranoid or was he with someone

189 replies

sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 06:28

Been seeing a guy for a month and yesterday things were normal all day.
He was messaging me etc even at work.
Got to 8pm and I text him and no reply.
He wasn't on WhatsApp /Facebook etc for the rest of the night.
He finished work at 4 and went to the gym so I knew he was home.
Anyway haven't slept all night.thinking he is with another woman.
He text me at 5.30 am when he will have been getting up for the gym then he starts work at 7.30 am.
I feel sick to my stomach he is always on social media and there is no reason why he wasn't active after 8pm apart from being with another woman.
What do I do?
Ask him why he wasn't active
Why he didn't reply till 5.30 am?
Aibu ?
I don't even know

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:10

I've been messed around so much before I just can't take it again.
I just have a feeling someone was over his house last night and that's why he wasn't online.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:11

I just don't get him.
He text me when he was at the gym at tea time and we exchanged some messages then this.
I went from feeling happy to not knowing what I did wrong.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 30/05/2019 08:14

perhaps he just watched a film or something and took a little online break - I do that sometimes

jaseyraex · 30/05/2019 08:17

OP you need to relax. You're being very intense! You didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't online. People can do that every now and again. He doesn't have to be online 24/7 just because that's how you know him to be. He might have been engrossed in a film or maybe he was out or had visitors. Maybe he did fall asleep. I was in bed at 7.45 last night because I was utterly shattered! Perhaps by the time he seen your message, he thought it was too late and it would be best to wait until morning. There could be a million reasons why he didn't reply and because he's cheating on you should be way down the bottom of the list!

If you're feeling this paranoid, this relationship is probably not for you. Have you tried counselling or something? You seem very anxious which is absolutely understandable if you've been messed around a lot but you cannot live your whole life thinking the worst.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:21

We haven't classed exactly what we are yet so that's making me paranoid too.
He knows so many women and he's very attractive so could get who we wants.
I don't think I trust him

OP posts:
ElderMillenial · 30/05/2019 08:21

He probably fell asleep from going to the gym so much.

They say trust your gut. Do you think you feel this way because of the past or because you have genuine reason to? If he wasn't messaging you he may have had no reason to be online. We're you waiting for a reply?

Relax. If there's one sure way to end a one month relationship, it's to question him about cheating.

Thuglife · 30/05/2019 08:24

I think your past experiences are colouring your view. I know this feeling; it’s horrible and you can torture yourself visualising things in your head.
He’s not your past partners though and so far has given you no reason to doubt him - don’t spoil what sounds like a lovely new relationship because of past experience.

ProfYaffle · 30/05/2019 08:25

"who falls asleep that early?"

someone who regularly gets up at 5.30am ......

Nameusernameuser · 30/05/2019 08:27

OP, I think you need to take some time for yourself. You sound highly strung, jealous and paranoid!

Karigan195 · 30/05/2019 08:28

Wow you really need to chill out. This is a horrible way to start a relationship. The poor guy could have been doing anything from a pub trip with mates, maybe cinema to having a nice walk.

You keep this up and you’ll turn into a controlling paranoid partner which is not good for any relationship

ffs74 · 30/05/2019 08:30

Maybe he was out with mates? Watching a film? Visiting family?
I mean this in the kindest way but in his shoes I'd be seriously annoyed with how you're behaving after a few weeks!

Ronnie27 · 30/05/2019 08:31

This is torture for you. Did he mention anything about what he got upto, could you ask kind of casually? He could have been with a friend, watching a film, anything and you can’t let him see that you're feeling like this at this stage as he will run! But I’ve definitely felt what you’re feeling before and it’s the pits.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 30/05/2019 08:37

This is ridiculous. You are in no fit state to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment. Get some counselling and then start again. Where do you think this relationship is going to go if it carries on like this!?

Queenoftheashes · 30/05/2019 08:38

Get where you’re coming from but if he’s texted you at 5.30 it sounds like he was just busy. He might have had a shower, dinner and gone to bed after gym if he was shattered. Why don’t you just ask him what he got up to last night in a conversational way?

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:40

It wasn't really a chatty text he replied to at 5.30 am
I sent him a picture of something funny and he just replied to that.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 30/05/2019 08:41

Back in the day (pre internet/mobiles/sm) if a guy was going to contact you you could either wait by the home phone or live your life and let him leave a message with a family member.

Take a day off from your screens so he wonders where you are.

ChequersDog · 30/05/2019 08:44

Isn’t the obvious thing to do to ask him what he was doing last night? You’ve only been seeing each other a month, have you even discussed being exclusive? Maybe he was with another woman. That’s not cheating if you haven’t agreed to being exclusive.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:48

It might not be cheating as such but if you've been dating me for a month and chatting daily
I except you to be only seeing me not other women.

OP posts:
Dollyparton3 · 30/05/2019 08:50

I agree with other posters, I don't think you're stable enough to be in a relationship and these insecurities aren't normal.

I get up at 5:30 some days and by 8pm I'm asleep on the sofa then crawl off to bed. Your brain is doing somersaults. I think you need to lay off the dating for a while until you're ready

BadLad · 30/05/2019 08:50

People who constantly expect instant replies to texts are exhausting pains in the arse.

Perhaps he just wanted to spend a little time relaxing and not having to text in the evening, especially if he'd be doing it at work.

Give him a break.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:52

I don't expect instant replies but he was on no social media and normally he is.
That's alarm bells for me.
I just miss getting a lot of messages from him.

OP posts:
MRex · 30/05/2019 08:52

A month is a very short amount of time, if you haven't agreed to be exclusive then it might just be casual on his side. Perhaps you should have that conversation with him. I hope you haven't been sleeping with him if you're not exclusive?

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:54

We have slept together yes.

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 30/05/2019 08:56

If you haven't had that chat then he's free to see who he wants. You need to clarify what you are and what you both want then go from there
You sound very intense for a month into a 'relationship' you're still getting to know each other at this stage just slow down, talk to him.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 08:58

He is still on tinder too
Which makes me paranoid
Why can't men meet someone date them then if not the one move on to someone else.

OP posts:
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