Paranoid or was he with someone

[sleepisfor]

Been seeing a guy for a month and yesterday things were normal all day.
He was messaging me etc even at work.
Got to 8pm and I text him and no reply.
He wasn't on WhatsApp /Facebook etc for the rest of the night.
He finished work at 4 and went to the gym so I knew he was home.
Anyway haven't slept all night.thinking he is with another woman.
He text me at 5.30 am when he will have been getting up for the gym then he starts work at 7.30 am.
I feel sick to my stomach he is always on social media and there is no reason why he wasn't active after 8pm apart from being with another woman.
What do I do?
Ask him why he wasn't active
Why he didn't reply till 5.30 am?
Aibu ?
I don't even know

He probably came off all his social media to get some peace. You really can't see what you are doing OP.

I wanted to know if others thought he might be sleeping with another woman last night.
I never communicate with him on social media.
After work yest he was the one who text me.
I don't pester him at all
I just over analyse in my own head and worry

To me it seems like you were in a panic because you've perceived he was messaging you less in a 12-15 hour period than you deem acceptable. Now because he has messaged you on his lunch break you have calmed down.
You're going to cycle through these range of emotions over and over again unless you do something to help yourself. It's clear you are giving him the majority of your mental space.
A man who is in no way committed to you and still actively using dating apps has not earned the amount of mental space you are giving him.
Any opinion other people MN have as to whether or not he was sleeping with someone else last night is people purely guessing anyway, so it's not really of any use for you.
I think you should try and absorb what people are saying about your monitoring his behaviour not being normal though. Your defence seems to be that he doesn't know you do it so it's fine. It isn't fine. You drove yourself into such a state you wanted to sit and cry over a man who is not committed to you who you have been seeing for a month. You need to help yourself.

Your defence seems to be that he doesn't know you do it so it's fine. It isn't fine. You drove yourself into such a state you wanted to sit and cry over a man who is not committed to you who you have been seeing for a month. You need to help yourself.

Please listen to this wise PP.

Even if you feel justified in your behaviour can you at least explain if you understand the other ways of looking at this that PPs have shared?

Does he play on a console? Might've been doing that and then fell asleep?

Or he might've been with someone, tinder notifications don't sound great but this obsessive behaviour isn't helping you.

Ask him if he wants to be exclusive and if yes you can both delete tinder. If not you move on and stop the stalking!

The other day he whatsapped called me accidentally so was obviously checking my last seen too

There’s nothing here to suggest he was checking your last seen. I’ve done this lots of times. Once I dropped my phone while WhatsApp was open and accidentally called someone as I caught it. Once I was looking through a conversation for a specific message and accidentally hit the call button. When my phone is plugged in it takes on a life of its own so once my phone decided to call a friend when I was just trying to message them.

There are lots of reasons he may have accidentally called you. It doesn’t mean his behaviour is the same as yours.

Bless you. It is early days but unless you've been in this situation of modern dating,people shouldn't be so judgemental. If people have been married for twenty years they will just have no idea how sometimes even an intelligent woman can feel on this modern world. I'm 47 and after a month in of seeing someone I'm still unsure.
Just ask him where you both are at x

kerk I'm 28, I grew up in this "modern era". OP is still taking it too far. I'm not saying that to hurt her, but because she needs help with this now before it gets worse. He may not know about it, but she's going to unnecessarily ruin weeks of her life getting upset over things that really don't mean anything.

It's probably easier if you're younger and more used to being able to see when someone was online, in a way, but the technology is irrelevant. If it makes you paranoid, turn off "last seen". It's not worth the anxiety. He's had a perfectly normal morning at work, OP has been worried sick and wanted to cry.

I'd imagine if you continue this kind of behavior he'll be spending a hell of a lot more time with other women.

It's no excuse and I'm honestly not trying to justify myself but my last relationship was about 18 months.
Spoke about kids,marriage etc
He stayed at mine the Thursday night for work the next day.
Left Friday morning and never seen him again
No explanation,nothing
Wouldn't respond to my texts,answer his door.
6 months later he is having a baby with someone else.
I never once even worried about him cheating or looking elsewhere then out of nowhere he left me.

You really need help.

If he was sleeping with someone, he hasn’t done anything wrong as he doesn’t owe you exclusivity.

He’s not even your boyfriend.

OP, you are crackers!!

Maybe he was out with his mates for a drink while they watched the match last night. Then he got home, and went to bed since he had to be up 5:30am!

You've been dating him for a month, and you seem to constantly know his online presence - When he's been on WhatsApp or Facebook! That's ridiculous!
I am married and I have never noticed when DH has been on Facebook! That, along with knowing his full routine is a bit bunny boiler like!

You'll push him away if you go on about him being on facebook but not texting you back! Sometimes i read a text from DH and don't reply until an hour or so later because I'm busy or sometimes, I just can't be arsed! It doesn't mean I love him less or I'm busy shagging someone upstairs!

Just remembered this recent thread. It might help with your perspective OP. It’s similar to your scenario but with the roles reversed.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3593459-newly-dating-man-who-seems-insecure-red-flag

Woah. Crikey that's OTT.

It would be nice if posters could stop calling the OP 'mental' and 'crackers' and 'nuts'.

She's just shared a story of being left suddenly without explanation or reason by her Ex, probably the morning after intimacy and presumably after a faked normality on her Ex's part, and that kind of experience is pretty traumatising and dislocating and takes a lot of getting over.

I feel sorry for people dating today. I met dh and we didn't ever say are we exclusive. It wasn't a thing. He asked me out, I said yes and we have been together ever since. He called when he said he would etc etc.

OP, just be yourself don't play games especially not to t in with what you think this man wants. It will be exhausting. You can be yourself with the man who is meant to be with you.

I hope you are using condoms until you've both been cleared and even after that for your own sake.

OP, I get you. When you meet someone you thibk could be the one, when you've had bad experiences in the past, you do get paranoid.

I was too, thought my oh was still with his, ex wife because her ndne was still showing on the electoral roll, which yes I'd checked!

We laugh about it now, been together 12 years, married 6!

This is just not normal behaviour, you need to stop seeing this guy and get some help with your own self esteem.

Honestly with the mindset you currently have you're not in the right place for a relationship.

I think it's sneaky he went back on tinder

I missed this bit, dump him! What the fuck is that saying I came off tinder, thought yeah I like you but then goes back on it?

It might be he's finding you to high maintenance it might be he's a player, either way you're not the one for him!

Have you spoken to your GP about your anxieties OP? If not, you need to. This is intense and way overboard. You may have been hurt before but you'll push him away if your behaviour continues this way, even if he isn't aware of how you're feeling. This is far from normal

@SunshineCake he asked you out. That's the same thing however you phrase it.

Exclusive
Going out
Going steady

It's the same

Actually, OP, I don’t think you’re crazy at all. I think you’ve noticed a change and your instincts are telling you something.

Whenever I’ve been in a similar situation and told myself I was being paranoid, it’s turned out I wasn’t.

BUT - a month in is far too early to be investing so much emotion in a relationship. Because of your previous experience, you’re bound to feel vulnerable, and this bloke isn’t helping.

In your situation, I’d have to decide whether I was able to cope with some ambiguity without turning into a nervous, clingy wreck, or have a discussion with him about whether he’s ready to come off Tinder and make it an exclusive relationship. (My suspicion is that he isn’t...)

You sound very paranoid and insecure. You need to relax.

OP, re the Tinder thing.

Did he never come off it, or come off it and go back on? What's the story there?

OP in the nicest possible way, you don't sound ready for a relationship.

This guys behaviour might not be brilliant, but neither is your reaction. You're not even exclusive yet and you're checking his social media, seeing if he's active on Tinder (which he has every right to be if you're not officially a couple) and crying because he hasn't sent you a text for six hours.

I'm sorry for what happened to you in the past, but that's not this guys' fault. Behaving the way you are isn't normal and it's not fair on this guy, or on you. It seems to be that you need to take a break from the dating scene and work on your own anxiety levels and self esteem.