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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paranoid or was he with someone

189 replies

sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 06:28

Been seeing a guy for a month and yesterday things were normal all day.
He was messaging me etc even at work.
Got to 8pm and I text him and no reply.
He wasn't on WhatsApp /Facebook etc for the rest of the night.
He finished work at 4 and went to the gym so I knew he was home.
Anyway haven't slept all night.thinking he is with another woman.
He text me at 5.30 am when he will have been getting up for the gym then he starts work at 7.30 am.
I feel sick to my stomach he is always on social media and there is no reason why he wasn't active after 8pm apart from being with another woman.
What do I do?
Ask him why he wasn't active
Why he didn't reply till 5.30 am?
Aibu ?
I don't even know

OP posts:
MRex · 30/05/2019 08:58

Why do you expect him to be exclusive if you haven't asked him to be?

I still think he was at the pub or with friends or family, but he's a free agent. Just one month in it really doesn't matter as you're only just getting to know each other, but if you want to be exclusive then you really ought to say so.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 09:00

He is a full time dad to a 15 year old.
She lives with him but I remember him saying she was staying at a friends Tuesday or Wednesday night.
That would have been the opportunity if she wasn't home.

OP posts:
Adsy1988 · 30/05/2019 09:00

If this is what you’re like after a month of being non-exclusive, heaven help him if you go exclusive and in six months time he doesn’t respond straight away.

You sound very intense.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 30/05/2019 09:01

A month! You'll scare him off

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 09:02

That's why I haven't said anything.
I don't want him to know I'm feeling this way.
He is so laid back and I mean so laid back.
His ex was controlling and that's why he ended it.
She would hit him and he was beyond unhappy.
He said he doesn't want another high maintenance woman.

OP posts:
Adsy1988 · 30/05/2019 09:05

@sleepisfor if that is the case that he doesn’t want another controlling partner then you should do the right thing and walk away as you are coming across as quite controlling in your responses.

Original poster
sleepisfor · 30/05/2019 09:07

I'm not controlling
I just want to know where I stand
Or if he's sleeping with other women

OP posts:
Fatasfooook · 30/05/2019 09:09

Fucks sake Glenn close! Calm down 😂
Give him the benefit of the doubt, he was probably asleep!

PeachNut · 30/05/2019 09:11

Just bloody ask him then!

theemmadilemma · 30/05/2019 09:16

@fatasfooook Grin

Ask him.

It will give him the heads up to run now while he can.

Trafalger · 30/05/2019 09:17

Sorry sleep but you are coming across as high maintenance, needy, desperate and a bit stalkery to be honest. None of these are attractive traits. If you want to know where you stand ask him. I would leave out the bits about last night but ask if you are exclusive. Of course he could say you are and not mean it, but in life you have to take risks. I dont think this relationship is for you to be honest. Or any for the time being. You need to work on your self esteem.

Orangeballon · 30/05/2019 09:19

You are paranoid, get a new interest or you will lose him.

plunkplunkfizz · 30/05/2019 09:26

If I thought someone was tracking when I was and wasn’t online I’d run a mile! Please never mention ANYTHING that you’ve said here to him.

QforCucumber · 30/05/2019 09:28

You have no reason to think he was with another woman other than the fact he didn't look at his phone? Jesus.

There are absolutely loads of possibilities and you've jumped straight to one single conclusion.

Why don't you trust him?

Hahaha88 · 30/05/2019 09:31

I would run a mile if I were him. Chill out! You sound about 15 years old!!!

MRex · 30/05/2019 09:34

Maybe he was with his child then, 15 year olds need their dads sometimes.

It doesn't sound like you're a good match if he's just come out of a controlling relationship. The man needs calm and peace, you're going wild with unfounded jealousy because he didn't look at Facebook! Leave him to it and work on your own issues. Next time, if you want an exclusive relationship then use your words, ideally before you sleep with someone (or at least after the first shag like most people).

SurfingGiantess · 30/05/2019 09:35

Why are you even checking his social media activity??? That in itself is crazy.
Meet up ask him where you stand and if you're exclusive? Then you'll know more. Chill out a bit. Or ask him what he was up to last night. Up to you.
Bit seriously I think you coukd benefit from some therapy to deal with your insecurities. In fact everyone could probably benefit from some form of therapy. But you'll drive yourself crazy be I g this anxious all the time.

pastyballbag · 30/05/2019 09:38

fuck me, if I was him I’d be running for the hills. if a man posted this he’d be called controlling and obsessive. you are the same

Crunchymum · 30/05/2019 09:41

Sometimes people fall asleep early.

You sound fucking nuts OP.

Suebnm · 30/05/2019 09:50

You're very overinvested in such a short time with this man you're dating. You sound very hard work and you definitely drive him away. Self-fulfilling prophecy?

usernamerisnotavailable · 30/05/2019 09:51

Seriously OP. Chill out. The fact you are constantly checking his online activity shows a huge amount of insecurity on your part. This is not the way to enter a long term relationship. I'd back off and see if he comes to you. If he doesn't you will know where you stand. If he does then take it slower in future and for heavens sake stop stalking him!!

Runkle · 30/05/2019 09:55

Chill out! You need to fill your own time with things you enjoy rather than spending the night pining for his messages and checking if he's online. Seriously, this won't do either of you any good. Are you sure you're ready to be dating/in a rship?

Figure8 · 30/05/2019 09:57

Maybe his internet was down

Maybe he did reply and it went astray

Maybe his daughter needed him and he got tied up

Maybe he did have a visitor, but managed not to sleep with said visitor.

Maybe he just fancied some alone time- as in if his daughter was out, then he had a chance to recharge.

Pk37 · 30/05/2019 09:58

Get a grip, you sound unhinged

Zfactorstar · 30/05/2019 09:59

Holy shit. Reverse the genders on this and people will scream to the sky that's it's abusive. Do him, and yourself a favor and end it, get therapy and learn to love yourself before you enter another relationship. Your basically acting like a stalker right now, and that is not a good place to be.

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