To be annoyed at card?

[justlonelystars]

I recently got married and I have received a birthday card from a (well wishing I’m sure) elderly relative made out to Mrs John Smith rather than Mrs Jane Smith. AIBU to be annoyed at the old fashioned sexism here that makes me feel like I’m owned by my husband? I know there are bigger things to worry about but it’s irritated me somewhat

One woman’s bollocks is another woman’s good manners. Disagreement is allowed.

How can it possibly be good manners to assume someone is happy to be referred to as a belonging of the male person they have a legal relationship with?

It wouldn't bother me, certainly wouldn't waste energy feeling annoyed about it.

We disagree. Shall we just leave it there?

It wouldn't bother me, certainly wouldn't waste energy feeling annoyed about it.

Really? You don’t see what it signifies? You don’t care about that?

What if your name was Jane but someone refused to call you that, calling you Tom because they felt like it? You wouldn’t correct them?

@Idontwanttotalk
I'm with you! No interest in harbouring negative energy about something that you can choose not to be offended by.
Next!

No need to get annoyed with this. YABU. Who cares.

It seems very old-fashioned and American? At least I’ve had elderly American relatives address me like that. Doesn’t bother me but I do raise my eyebrows a bit. It does come across a bit Handmaid’s Tale-esque these days; Ofglen and Offred etc.

We sent one to our widowed friend Mrs Thomas Skinner and when her daughter married the invitation was from Mrs Thomas Skinner too. She likes having her husband remembered.

Fair enough, her choice - but surely the fact that she's 'Mrs' and they all share the surname that originally came from him is a clear acknowledgement of him? Can we not remember a deceased parent without ignoring the one who is still living? If she had died before the marriage and her husband had still been alive, would he have felt it a nice way to remember his late wife by sending invitations from 'Mr Barbara Skinner'?

dont let it irritate you, its just their way. im sure in 40 years you will do something you deem "normal" that a niece or nephew pulls their face at.

dont let it irritate you, its just their way.

Do you think the same about racism, ageism, disableism?

Yeah, because using outdated etiquette is exactly the same as racism 🙄

“Yeah, because using outdated etiquette is exactly the same as racism“

Well, being sexist is pretty much the same as the sort of racism we are always being told to excuse in the “older generation”.......

🙄

If you really think they are the same you're just making yourself look stupid.

Life is too short to let things like that get to you tbh. Especially if it’s from an elderly relative

Fair enough. I think calling a black person “coloured” is racist. I think calling a woman “Mrs John Smith” is sexist. Both of these things were acceptable 40 years ago. They aren’t now. But they are both excused because “that’s what people were taught at school then”

Black people often use the term 'people of colour'.

As with most things it is all about intent.

Sliding doors. No you are quite right we have moved on. But it took me ages to remember not to punctuate addresses etc. If you do not have regular contact with younger people it is perfectly possible to live in the past.

As with most things it is all about intent.

The intent to identify me literally as my husband’s possession isn’t really something to applaud, surely?

We’re not talking about you. Strange as that may seem.

YABU it’s not a big deal

There was no intent to offend or belittle.

Well I wouldn't like it but I would forgive an elderly person. It used to be the right thing to do.

I don’t think the intent thing flies, really. Basically you’re saying “you can say anything you like to anyone so long as you’re not meaning to offend”. It’s like the “I was only joking” defence of bullies through the ages.