To be annoyed at card?

[justlonelystars]

I recently got married and I have received a birthday card from a (well wishing I’m sure) elderly relative made out to Mrs John Smith rather than Mrs Jane Smith. AIBU to be annoyed at the old fashioned sexism here that makes me feel like I’m owned by my husband? I know there are bigger things to worry about but it’s irritated me somewhat

Well I wouldn't like it but I would forgive an elderly person. It used to be the right thing to do.

What if they spanked your child?

Yeh, It would annoy me.

I think intent/tone/ context is everything in this matter.
If you are bullying you have intent to harm. Do you think that is what is happening here?

Hitting a child cannot be equated with a traditional way of addressing a letter.

It used to be the right thing to do though. So it’s okay, right?

I think we’re on the same side here.

I wouldn’t like to be addressed that way and would never use it myself despite being 48 and being taught that way.
I just wouldn’t get upset by it from a family member from an older generation who thinks it’s the right thing.
If you feel strong enough, have the conversation with that relative when you next see them.

I didn’t know that Mrs meant “wife of” but I went on a phonics course recently and was told that woman meant wives of men.

One woman’s bollocks is another woman’s good manners. Disagreement is allowed

It is the opposite of good manners to call someone a name that they don’t wish to be known by.
Good manners is all about people, it’s not about adhering to ancient outdated guidelines.

But if you don’t know she doesn’t like it.......
Point it out to her/him not mumsnet!

Well there is at least one poster on here who does it at least in part to wind up her dd.

I think that if you know a woman is even remotely feminist-as in on the feminist side of being a surrendered wife, then common sense should suggest she would not like being called “Mrs John Smith”.

It would annoy me too. But being called “Mrs” anything would annoy me. Women should keep their own names when they get married if they don’t want to feel owned by their husbands.

The poster who does it in full knowledge is vile.

@MoreSlidingDoors - The intent to identify me literally as my husband’s possession isn’t really something to applaud, surely?

I don't see how it's any more identifying a woman as a man's possession than a woman becoming Mrs herFirstname husbandSurname when she marries. I think it's all outdated sexist bollox but if you want to change your name/be addressed as Mrs husbandFirstName husbandSurname or as Mrs yourFirstname husbandSurname, that's your prerogative, just as it is your prerogative to be addressed as Ms yourFirstname yourSurname if that is your preference.

Regardless, the polite thing to do is to refer to a person in the way they prefer.

Yeah, because using outdated etiquette is exactly the same as racism 🙄

But people aren't upset about 'outdated etiquette' though are they. It's the sexism which is this issue. And it's fine for people to discuss it! And yes, of course sexism is equally as wrong as racism

@BertrandRussell

“it’s a traditionally correct form of address, which is normal in our social circles and I love.“
Which social circles are those?

My social circles. As in the groups of people with whom I socialise. I don’t classify them by anything other than where we met/the hobbies we share. So the dog people friends, the farming friends, school friends, DC’s friends and their parents, uni friends.