To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

I do agree wholeheartedly with the post above (that I now can’t find ) that suggests children need you more as they get older. That’s definitely how I feel.

I definitely would. I would love it.

If you are an unmarried partner, don't have independent means of wealth and don't have an in-demand skill that means you can support yourself, then there's no such thing as 'I don't need to work'.

I am. Not really through choice though. I have two children with additional needs and two other children besides. I find myself quite busy with their appointments and other things, like chasing up appointments.

I volunteer though, which takes up 2-3 days a week, sometimes more.

If I had a career to go back to and childcare then I would. But childcare doesn't really exist when you have children with special needs. My husband's work isn't very flexible either so it is challenging to get a balance between us.

I got bored before my volunteering though, I started an open uni degree (I already have a degree so this was just for myself really).

I'm an ideal world I would work part time, but it's just not possible right now for me.

For me personally I know that it wouldn’t be good for my mental health unless I had some quite structured volunteering or something. I do agree that one of the reasons ptas and other committees etc struggle is that there are less people doing this and so less people have time.
I wouldn’t judge someone else but for me it would feel too self indulgent to just use the school day to look after my house/family/myself/going to the gym etc. And I know it would not make me feel happy or good about myself, but others would probably enjoy that. It also is a factor whether you have a social circle of others in the same position as otherwise it could be quite lonely.

100 times no. I'd be bored to death and not working affects my mental health in the long run. I start to feel anxious and trapped. Is there any chance you might want to work again in the future? If so, might you want to get something part time now just to kind of keep you employable? I know it's really hard for some people to get back into work after years as a SAHM because their CV suffers and sometimes their confidence too - my sister was a ball if anxiety when it came to going back to work as she'd been out of work for 10 years and it was tough for her to ease back into it.

Also yes, you might be vulnerable in case of divorce too.

*the above applies where I was making an active choice. I would not feel the same if I had children with additional needs or loads of appointments or basically didn’t have a choice.

Just as a word of warning. My MIL has been a SAHM for 50 years, through not working and not going anywhere to meet people she ended up lonley with all her focus on the kids. She oversteps all the time, and all her son's find her difficult but feel they 'owe her' as she gave up her life for them. BIL in particular never found someone because (in his words) he is guilted into spending all free time with his mum as she gave up her life to raise him.

I work part time but have started lots of social clubs already and if you do stay a SAHM I would recommend that too. Make sure you have more to your life than just your children as it isn't healthy for anyone for your sole focus to be them.

I honestly do find alot with SAHM they feel alot more pressure for their children to do everything perfectly and have a perfect home. This isn't how it should be but it may be better to work if you feel those type of pressures from staying home too

Where are all these jobs that either give you 14 weeks holiday a year and only require you work 10-2, or else pay enough for a person just returning to work to pay 14 weeks holiday childcare and wraparound care from about 7.30am and until about 6pm for at least 2 kids? Plus are flexible about days off for illness etc? Let's face it, until kids are old enough to look after themselves a lot of parents (Usually mothers) will find it too difficult to get back into the job market.

(Before anyone asks I work part time, 27 hours a week)

I've just posted this on the school hours/ childcare thread:

In my final year of teaching, between DH and I we were working 100+ hours per week. DS's TAs went on strike due to their salaries being slashed. Thank goodness my y13s had just finished their courses so I could pick up at DS's lunchtime on my gained time... teaching y10 and y9 with a 5yo was... erm... interesting... DH was abroad. His family are abroad. DM works full time 200 miles away. DGM is too frail to drive 50 miles to where we are. I didn't know any parents at the school gate because I didn't meet them when DS was the first in wrap-around in the morning and the last to be picked up each day. Without a support network it was just too bloody tough on top of a tough job, so all round it was better for family life to walk away from teaching and be a SAHM. That's obviously not a universal solution to other people! Where there is too little demand for childcare, it does not exist.

Basically my children, particularly DS1 were struggling for both of us working long hours with no support network. It turns out that DS has some specific learning difficulties and gets exhausted by school. Nearly 3 hours in a cramped, bustling after school club is exactly what he does not need. DH often works away sporadically and often at short notice. I ended up holding the mental load and taking the slack around his work demands on top of my already demanding job. It was not a healthy sustainable lifestyle.

If I looked outside teaching, finding something flexible enough with decent enough pay to cover two in childcare is easier said than done. I'd still have the mental load anyway.

If I had to, I could get my foot in the door for supply teaching within a few weeks. At that point, the benefits of work would outweigh the social costs.

I've been a SAHM to school age DCs for 3 years and I love it, and as a family we are happier for it. Admittedly I'm crap at housekeeping, but I got the brunt of it as I when working, I spent more time in the home than DH plus had the school holidays anyway.

I’m not a SAHM and I enjoy my job but if I could afford it i wouldn’t work.
Do what you think will make you happy it’s no one else’s business.

Thing is, with DC at primary school, the hours are a lot shorter than most workplace hours, so you'd need to find/pay for at least afterschool childcare if not early morning drop-offs. Then there's the fact that most kids, in their first year at school, get every fucking virus known to man so have to be at home being looked after (childminders etc won't take a sick kid.) You may well know all this from your older DCs' first year or two of education.

So the only kind of job you could hold down would be part time, with plenty of flexibility. Jobs like that are pretty rare. If there's something you could do that would help keep your hand in, with a view to rejoining your chosen industry in a few years, that might be a good idea, but taking a shitty menial job with no potential career progression, that will earn no more than enough to cover the cost of that childcare - what is the point of that?

A lot depends on your skills and interests, as well. Are there things you could do at home or any kind of work you could do freelance? though, again, a lot of these types of job now involve competing with agencies and apps, which mean the pay is negligible (cleaning, dog-walking etc: the agencies will generally undercut anyone setting up by themselves). However, there is still stuff like transcription, translating, proof-reading or copywriting, if your pre-kids work lay in those areas.

@ThisIsTheEndgame I work in the public sector, I just work from home if one of the kids is ill, I had 2 weeks working from home last year when DS had his tonsils removed (and DH was away). DH is public sector too and he just gets the day off without having to do anything, not sure why, I have to work the time back, he's military though so it's a bit different from 36 hours a week and will work a heck of a lot more than that a week cumulatively.

I would never make myself financially dependent on someone else, even within marriage.

I took a few years out when ours were in their teens.At the time DH was earning well and I was genuinely stressed and fed up of juggling it all.Plus to the besumenent of some felt that was an age my DCs needed me around more than ever.Best thing I've done.
And to an earlier poster who said it's lazy well stuff that.I did absolutely loads from sorting the garden to regular volunteering in school and helping at a local adult education centre with people with literacy problems.Totally different from my previous career,and a real eye opener.There's a chronic shortage of volunteers out there.
After a few years I was ready to 'work' again and started my own business and worked harder and longer hours than ever before.Something I never would have done without stepping away from my old job.And no regrets.Go for it OP if you want.Everyone is different,

@ReanimatedSGB it's negativity like that that projects this idea that working with kids is impossible. My youngest has had one day off school his first year and DS1 has had 3 days off in 3.5 years. Flexible working is very common in many fields, particularly public sector, it's not impossible. (If you want). Plus hopefully there will be a partner in the picture sharing the issues.

I second the wfh option. I do that now and earn a fraction of what I did but get to pick the kids up, drop them off, do all the school stuff and keep my hand in. I got bored being at home with no kids there. Excessive cleaning wasn’t my bag and coffee mornings aren’t my thing either.

But I’d point out that it’s your choice, based on your life, needs and wants. I got bored - you may not. Other people love it and are able to happily fill their days with rewarding activities. If the kids are young you have years ahead of you to get back into work. I’d recommend voluntary work (food bank etc), being a school governor, going on the PTA - this gives you a vital CV filler with genuine skills which can acquire and might translate into work as and when you want to return.

No

I would be bored but then I really enjoy my work

I know quite a few sahm with school age children a few keep themselves busy pta etc others who spend a lot of time telling me whenever I see them how busy they are

My kids are 7 and 9, and never had a sick day. Luck, sure. But not everyone’s children are off sick all the time. Give them bloody vitamins and an early night!

If you can afford it, it's wonderful. Hobbies stop you from being bored but you may prefer a little financial independence so part-time work can be a happy medium.

However, pension-wise it's a bad idea - PT work often means no NI payments. A heavy workload/lots of responsibility can turn it into FT.

If DH hates his job he may resent your being at home, feeling that you're taking it easy while he has to slog. I loved it, but as with everything else there are pros and cons.

I'm a SAHM, 4 DC youngest is 7, oldest 19 and not planning to work anytime soon.
DH works away so everything at home is my responsibility.
I worked school hours in between DC2 and DC3 when DH was working locally and doing more at home and it was tough. It would have been more difficult had I had to get home and do everything there as well.
It's completely a joint decision for us. DH is 100% on board, he couldn't do his job without someone taking full responsibility for the children and we've both said a nanny or them living with family during the week wouldn't be suitable so he would leave his current role. We have insurance in place to cover illness/death for both of us.
DH is aware divorce is an area where I feel vulnerable and has put measures in place to reassure me. However most couple I know who both work full time have maxed out to afford to buy a house. Their whole lives are reliant on two incomes neither could just take over if the other one left. I know several working divorced/separated couples who are trapped in the marital home as neither can afford to go it alone as well as others who have had to live with parents or siblings due to being unable to afford to buy on their own.

I was a SAHM until both my DCs were in secondary school! 15 years I had... it was lovely. Financially I didn’t need to work and DH was always happy with the arrangement.

I work term time only now but only because DCs don’t need me in the same way any more.

In a perfect world I would work 3 days 9.30-2.30. One day would be for cleaning, food shop etc, and one day to myself to read/meet a friend/go to the gym or whatever. Then the weekends could be dedicated to fun with my child(ren)

newjobnerves I don't agree at all, we can all conjure up a study somewhere to support our own view, however I was a dd of a working mother that worked long hours, and I never saw her, she was not a good example to me because she was always too tired to talk to me, she never knew where I was or who I was with, it did me no favours whatsoever and the inevitable happened. I felt like I pretty much raised myself.

So I disagree vehemently that children do not need their parents around. Parents do need to be free for their children in some capacity between them at the very least, until they reach adulthood. To guide them, help with homework, problems at school, eating well, sleeping properly, teaching them how to be decent human beings, and most importantly to ensure they are safe and well looked after.

The idea that we can have it all does not exist.

I have worked, I have stayed at home, my children benefited massively from being me at home. They benefited hugely also when my dh was at home for a while, both were moved up in Maths and English sets. Children need solid good parenting, more than they will ever need luxuries or holidays.