To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

I’d be bored. What about doing some volunteering?

I'm a SAHM. Also am a single mum. Did a BSc which led nowhere (have recently started to look for part time work) but really did it for the love of learning and shift to a more alturistic career...which hasn't materialised yet!

I would say school hours aren't as long as you imagine if you are doing all drop offs/pick ups. You are also totally responsible for all school related activities and believe me there are more than you would think! Costumes to be bought/made with little notice/books to be swapped and read and bought for libraries/pennies to be taken in to make a playground worm/wear XYZ colour for XYZ charity days/parentmail emails about last minute trips or cake sales or PTA minutes/changing PE kits and shoes, coats, sun creams and hats for every season/menu changes that might mean emergency packed lunch is needed...it goes on incessantly. There is also a tendency to fill the hours with housework and chores because you are home and see it constantly, so other well intentioned activities gym i'm looking at you fall by the wayside. Other mum's also do this so meeting for coffees is a rarity IME. It can be quite isolating and be prepared for other mum's at the playground doing a lot of "oh but I've had to fit it all in around work you see" or "don't you get sooo bored?" and "I couldn't do nothing all day" comments which can really get you wondering what you are doing.

That said, it can be lovely if you take a step back and remember why you are doing it (being there for your child and focusing on the important things in life) as well as realising many people who say the above comments would also drop their jobs if they could (not ALL obviously) so it is a lucky position to be in .

Not everyone can get insurance. Especially if you don’t apply for it until your late twenties, which is the earliest many people are able to get a mortgage and start considering insurance, as you’re likely to have had some health issues by then. Many many people are considered uninsurable due to very common illnesses like depression, recent surgeries for non life threatening illnesses and so forth. I’m 31 and have three health issues, none of which are going to lead to my demise, and I’m uninsurable by everybody. It’s a real worry.

The more pressing issue would be what if you divorced? I would use the time to improve general career prospects rather than working in any old admin job that likely won't lead anywhere. Could you take a qualification? In any case in the first year of school I wouldn't have had much chance to start a career mine had do much time off and the holidays were long too. I wouldn't have put them in afterschool club either as they were exhausted.

YABU

On yourself...you leave yourself very vulnerable if you have a big gap in your employment. I work trying to get women into work that haven't previously worked or have had years out and it's really difficult.

Get yourself a part time job at least. It's good for your self esteem, personal development and mental health (as long as it is the right job). It will give you the ability to be financially independent if ever the need arises.

I'd like to add that we are both fully life insured, my DH has income protection and critical illness insurance too.
And I certainly wouldn't use the time to "sit around the house all day" as some people have said. If I'm handling all the bills, life admin, housework etc then it means at weekends we are free to do whatever we want as a family rather than catching up on all that stuff.

Of course I may totally change my mind about staying home once the teenage years hit haha! I think I'd like to volunteer a bit in the schools and/or with children with additional needs if I can.

It's down to you and your family. Every one is different. You do what's right for you.

I would be bored stupid personally but I'm lucky that I enjoy my job and can work for myself around my kids so best of both worlds really.

I also don't think it's bad to think about what happens if your DH loses his job, gets ill etc. Yes we have life insurance but would that be enough to keep you going forever?

Obviously it's just very different personalities

Isn’t that the crux?

We got insurance in our mid 30s. DH did have to do a medical but nothing else we have some risk factors between us too. It would probably be more difficult if you have an existing medical condition though.

@JacquesHammer absolutely, and if the op is asking she probably has the personality for it. Like anything on a forum though it would get a bit boring if a discussion didn't ensue and a discussion is a bit boring when one sided!

I was a SAHM for 8 years until my youngest started school. I then got a part time office job working school hours 3 days a week which so have been doing for the last 5 years. I’ve been incredibly lucky as still done all the school drop offs & pick ups, taken my DCs to after school activities etc and have my own money. It has given me a sense of purpose and boosted my confidence as I know if I ever have to go back to full time work I could. Everyone’s situation is different though but for me it has definitely been the best of both worlds.

I am a sahm with 4 children at school. I have dogs and various animals to look after and a husband who works abroad every week, sometimes weekends. I have no time to be bored!! But if I didn’t have that busy life then I think I would get bored and want to do part time.
I think see how it goes, may seem lovely for a while, you may get bored or you may not! Make a decision after you’ve tried for a while. A job in a school hours only is hard to find so you need to consider what to do in the holidays too.

Totally up to you if your OH is also agreed.

It would depend on finances for me, if I could afford to be indulgent and enough my hobbies I wouldn’t. If it meant I couldn’t do my hobbies etc then I’d work.

I was in this position, where there was no financial need to work when youngest started school. ExDH had a very demanding, well paid job which necessitated regular travel away from home, sometimes for several days at a time so I knew all school runs, holidays, sick days etc... would be mine to cover as I could never hope to earn anywhere near what he was earning. Because of the hours he worked I also knew that realistically all home admin, appointments, housework, cooking etc... would be down to me. He did absolutely pull his weight at weekends but his work often took up weekend time too. Me going back to work seemed like it would be almost impossible from a practical point of view and neither of us were sure we wanted the extra hassle.

In the end however I couldn't fight the yearning to do something else so I made the decision to go back part time, two days a week, then rising to three. I did it as I wanted something for myself apart from being a mother and homemaker - entirely my choice and and I know not everyone feels the same. Until I went back I hadn't realised how much my confidence in myself had been eroded. I took a very basic low paid job to begin with as it promised flexibility but I soon realised that actually I was capable of a lot more and that once I had a routine in place working around the DCs schedule wasn't actually too difficult most of the time.

After I'd been working for about 3 years ExDH suddenly lost his job under awful circumstances meaning that I became the sole breadwinner for several years. As I was already in a job it was relatively simple to go up to full time hours and in effect we reversed roles.

Further down the line we separated and divorced (different set of reasons I don't want to go into). I am so glad now that I went back to work when I did as by the time we needed to rely on my salary, rather than just using it for treats, I was earning considerably more than I thought I could and following the divorce it meant that I was already financially independant and had pension provision etc... already in place.

I know my circumstances are probably the exception rather than the rule but I guess I'm trying to say, you never know what the future might hold and actually when you try something out it's not always as hard as it looks.

I did for a couple of years and really enjoyed it. Until I didn't.

I also really like the money I earn (and I earn more than my DH) so I wouldn't go back to being a SAHM again, although if you offered me what I get paid now to stay at home I'd jump at it

I think the key for me was having enough money to do what I wanted whether it was tennis lessons or riding, entertaining, learning a language or just chilling and reading.

Not working whilst counting pennies and doing endless cleaning would be extremely depressing in my view.

Similar to echidnasphone (spookily so!) My youngest has been at school for years now though. I like to be there for when school chucks out. I have done lots of voluntary work at the primary school but also other things, admin for a well known organisation, charity work, committee involvement etc

It suits me but I'm the sort of person who can fill my time with all sorts and be happy. It's not for everyone.

I have done both op.

It is much, much better for your children to have a parent at home, someone to help with homework, play and spend time with them after school. They have so many school holidays the times in between are very busy, at least it was for me. I plan amazing holidays, and spent time making sure I have a clear diary so I can be there for them. Some of the best years of my life were the summers with my small children.

Term time you are able to catch up, actually spend time exercising, the odd hobby, seeing friends, volunteering. It can be very rewarding and fun, not to mention being able to create a calm and organised environment with no stress. Its good for everyone I found. I have never ever been bored! I noticed particularly the day feels so compressed and sandwiched when I work. I am also rushing, and never seem to have enough time for anything. I felt under pressure most of the time.
As dc get older they need more help not less. I now have teens and older children, and they need me as much as they always did.
Have a financial plan in case things go awry. Maybe once a week course retraining in an industry you are most inspired by would be good insurance. Most of all make the absolute most of it! They will not be small forever.

I wouldn't work given a choice. If this baby sticks I'll take the first few years out then go part time self employed (I retrained in a trade a few years ago) and do that once school starts around school hours. I doubt I'd go back to employed work. I want to keep my own hours. We are moving so once that happens, I'll go self employed in my trade anyway.

I would never not work Now. I was financially dependent on my seemingly perfect husband and he left me. Made things extra difficult.

You never know what is round the corner.

It is much, much better for your children to have a parent at home,

Except it really isn't as black and white as that, there has been a study that shows the benefit to daughters seeing mums work and that sons growing up in houses with working mums are more independent.

Your life. Your choice.

I was a SAHM for nearly 20 years though I did have a few on and off part time jobs. I'm now back working full time and I am not enjoying it. It's nice to have the money but I'm permanently tired, the house looks a mess and I've just lost my "joie-de-vivre".

I actually feel quite depressed over it. I miss my old life. I don't the whole "you need to work and keep your independence" crap. I loved being at home, keeping the house and garden nice, baking, walking, spending time with the grandkids.

I've done this for the last few years. It came about because we struggled so much with holidays, sick days etc when we both worked full time as we don't have family nearby. I've been criticised a few times, but mostly by people who have family helping them.

Overall it's been better for the family than me if I'm honest but I think I've turned that around now. The children love having me around and I feel lucky. It's also been useful as one of my children has SEN which resulted in a protracted battle with the local authority and school to get him help. I don't think I would have had the energy to do that if I worked fully time, although perhaps I would have just paid a solicitor to do it.

What's not so good is I have felt very lonely at times, I began to find myself getting bothered by stupid playground nonsense like a group of women excluding me from coffee mornings. And I have to be very discipined otherwise the day can just melt away and I haven't done anything.

However, I've got to a good place now. I shook off the silly playground bully behaviour and picked myself up. I am retraining and plan on starting a new business in around 6 months time. I also do quite a bit of volunteering for a local charity helping lone elderly people. So, it's turned out to be positive for me but I'd say that's because I've found a focus to retrain and have developed quite a strict structure to my day.

My advice would be to have an eye on your long term future. The children won't need you forever so it's important to have a plan to fill that void.

No I'm on count down to get back in to work I left work when my eldest was born currently my youngest is a few weeks old and as soon as they turn one I'll look to get back into work for many reasons
Whilst we are all ok surviving at moment on one in come it would be nicer to set good examples to both my DC that we work
I want to be able to take them both abroad on holidays travel see different countries and they're cultures
I want to be able to always provide them with nice luxuries in life and most importantly I too want to be able to go back to having the odd luxuries without feeling guilty if it's spent on when there's only one income and I too want adult interaction and my own routines that are not just based around my children and be more than just mum and a wife

I’d love to be a SAHP! If you can and you’re both happy why not?

Dd starts school next year. I’m not planning on working straight away but I may do. I don’t have too though and dh doesn’t mind if I do or nog