If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

[onceacheat]

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

If it was just 1 month. If it was just the one woman. If my husband wanted our relationship to work and to keep our family together...I'd rather live in blissful ignorance.

It's very unlikely that a third party (the OW or anyone who found out about the affair) would be able to judge any of those things. You and your husband would be best placed to know... and what if one person knows about just one woman, but another person knows of someone else?

I'd want to know. I couldn't forgive it. I'd rather have the pain, end it and get through it then live a lie and have the pain eventually when I randomly found out; and I do think these things usually come out.

I think you're right, OP. Who you are makes no difference, nor do your motivations. Her dh broke his vows and carried on a month-long affair. Damn right I'd want to know about it, and your motivation for telling me would be the least of my concerns. She deserves the opportunity to make her mind up about it.

Who you were in the scenario would make a difference as to whether I wanted to know (from you).
If you are a friend or trusted person to the cheated on party, I'd want you to tell me.

If you are the ow I wouldn't want you to tell me - because in my experience the H will start more lies "she's crazy and obsessed with me blah blah blah" and it leads to more pain - do you trust the man you're married to or a complete stranger? Etc.

If you are the husband I'd want you to tell me.

So for me, it completely depends on who you are!

Without doubt - YES.

If it was a one of shag that he did 4 years ago, nothing before and he was too eaten up with guilt to ever do it again, then no I wouldn't want to know.

But a month long affair?
That's no longer a marriage. He's acting single and he will again.

She absolutely needs to know, no matter that your role is.

Although if you are the OW, be prepared to not be believed and painted as a psycho.

Clearly you are the other women and yes it does matter. The husband is mutually at fault with the ow/you. Why are you asking? I suppose you are planning to tell the wife. I doubt this is because you give a shit about her and you think she deserves to know. Just causing more trouble. Do you get off on causing misery to others?

It really does depend who you are OP.

If you are the OW your motives will be skewed.

If you are a colleague or a bystander it's none of your business and should keep you beak out.

If they were s3xting I am sure the OW has evidence.
If you are the OW it is really bad form.
Yes he is scum, his DW only after a baby, BUT in my eyes, the OW is not much better, if she knew she was fucking a married man behind his DW's back.

I wouldn't want to know.

Yes. If he's done it once he can do it again.

How men can cheat when they have babies at home is beyond me. It takes a certain sort of vile selfish creature to behave like that.

Poor wife.

I would prefer to be told.

I don't understand the "it's none of your business so just shut up and pretend you don't know" mentality... Unless I knew the person intimately, I would try to tip them off anonymously (to let them save face and to avoid any messenger-killing), but I don't see the virtue in staying silent.

If you knew that someone was being stolen from, would you not let them know? If you knew that someone was at an increased risk for a disease or injury (and probably didn't already know it), would you not warn them?

It could be that a couple has an open marriage, and of course you never know exactly what goes on behind closed doors, but I'd rather err on the side of caution and be certain that the (perceived) innocent party has access to possibly life-altering information.

yes - I would absolutely want to know. He's a cheat & a liar

Yes I would.

Yes I’d want to know

I wouldn't want to know and it is not your place to tell her.

If you're the OW then your intentions are obvious, you are not trying to help, you are trying to cause pain.
If you are not the OW, how do you know 100% it's true?
Either way, I'd stay out of it.

I wouldn't want to know.

I've always thought I'd want to know... I have a toddler and one on the way so for me right now, the answrr would be no if DH was deeply regretful, guilt-ridden and was absolutely certain he wouldn't do it again. If people knew for sure he was a serial cheater, yes I'd want to know.

No-one can know though for sure perhaps all first cheaters think it won't happen again but if you do something once, it gets easier doesn't it?

It does matter who you are OP. As others have said if you are the other woman, you didn't mind fucking a husband and new father so why tell her now once you've had your fun? How spiteful can you get.

An anonymous letter to the wife I think would be best.

Mixed opinions here really.

How do the husband and OW deal with working together when there is such awkwardness now? Yes, they should have thought about this but hindsight is a great thing. Should one suggest the other leaves?

Are you actually serious?? An anonymous letter to the poor woman? So now she’s creeped out and has no-one to direct her questions to but her lying husband.
You’re obviously the OW and your attitude makes my blood boil.
Here’s what you should do; find a new job, leave, delete his number and get on with your own life. Leave him to get on with his and deal with his own guilt as he sees fit.
Do not contact his wife, it’s so plainly obvious and desperate that it’s for your own reasons

Yes I would want to know, but I would want to hear it from my dh, not some person wanting to embarrass me and get one up! If I wasn't involved in this shit show directly then I would mind my own business.

onceacheat
If you are the OW, please don't do this. Being told about an affair by a friend who cares about you and is there to support you is one thing, being told by the OW on a revenge spree is another.

Why won't you just admit you're the OW? An anonymous letter is a horrendous idea. You're looking to create as much damage as possible. Are you sore that he called it off? Are you hoping that if you say, he'll come running to you? That's your ideal man: a new father who happily cheated on his wife. If he did it to her, he'll do it you.

And no one gives a shit about how to handle the awkwardness post-affair; compared to the mess you are making of someone else's life, this is a trivial, pathetic problem.

I feel desperately sorry for his wife, don't you? Or maybe you don't because he fed you bullshit.