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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have paid for my own

171 replies

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 14:54

I know billsplitting threads are on here all the time, and I am maybe just looking for somewhere to vent rather than asking but:

Went out for dinner with a couple of friends who I go out with frequently and a friend of a friend who I vaguely know. Generally theres no issue with the bill, we tend to get round about the same thing and well..are friends so even if ones a bit more, who cares. But this guy, he ordered steak (no issue, I usually do) and 2 starters for himself (that he left most of) and nonestop cocktails while we drank..well like normal people. Then ordered a desert, didn't like it so ordered another, while still ordering and necking cocktails. It was like something from a TV show tbh, the constant shouting for stuff, the sheer amount ordered, he was also a bit of a twat to the waitress, basically seemed to think she was there to be his slave, even fucking asked her to wipe the table when he spilt a bit of drink instead of just doing it himself. Friend seemed quite embarassed to have brought him. And there was an atmosphere throughout the whole ordeal, as people kept pulling him up on speaking to staff like dirt and that.

Anyway, inevitable, bill somes and the guy says we should just split equally. I refused, as did the others as he had clearly taken the piss. He actually started arguing that this made us tight, who cares about an 'extra few quid' etc etc. I stood my ground and told him it was him who was tight because he basically, did not want to pay for the extravagent amount of food and drink he had ordered and how on earth were we tight because we did not want to basically sub him. He still said that it was us being tight. The whole scene was embarassing but I swear the difference was huge, but it was more the principle of it..we have enouh cash to pay for his too but why should we, especially when hes gone on the way he did and basically ruined the night. In the end, we all paid our own. Mine and mates was 20-25 quid each. His was near a hundred. And he didn't leave a tip either..took the change down to the penny!

He then said when leaving in a strop that if not splitting the bill, we should say before anything is ordered. WHY would that make a difference, if he was not only ordering as he thought we would pick up the tab? There is no reason at all that telling people you are not splitting would make any difference, unless they were being a twat on purpose surely?

Can anyone think of a reason why (besides taking the piss) anyone should have to say before anything is ordered that they are only paying for their own?

As I said, we usually just split it, but we don't take the piss out of each other the way this bloke was seemingly to. Anyway, he buggered off still in a strop that we were stingy and mean apparently, and we went on to have a decent night. I will totally avoid him from now on, not that I saw him much anyway, was just someone I kind of knew in passing but not a friend.

I think I know the answer to this really, but bill splitting threads are sometimes unpredictable. Were we being unreasonable to stand our ground and pay 20 quid, rather than literally double that it would be had we paid for his too? I know a lot will think 'its only 20 quid' but, it was principle too. Especially when he started saying it was us who were tight, when he was asking us to pay an extra 20 each because HE had been over indulgent..

OP posts:
Sockworkshop · 27/05/2019 14:59

Nope not unreasonable at all !
Theres always one Hmm

fedup21 · 27/05/2019 15:02

What a horrible man. Did he pay up?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2019 15:02

What a twat. He thought he could get away with having an extravagant meal because everyone else would be paying for it. I wouldn't have even considered splitting that bill evenly. I sincerely hope you never cross paths with that cheeky fucker again.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 27/05/2019 15:04

Dreadful man.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/05/2019 15:05

He was a wanker who was gutted to have been called out on his wankery. Good on you all for not subbing him.

Ordinarily I'd have no problem splitting the bill; we do it often. But he was just chancing everyone being so embarrassed that they coughed up. Serves him right.

Sabato · 27/05/2019 15:05

You definitely weren’t unreasonable, I don’t blame you at all for refusing to split it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2019 15:06

He's not a mate. He's a wanker. I wouldn't have paid for his meal either.

When someone is rude to serving staff they forfeit their right to be treated well by me. And my tip would have been extravagant!

Magmatic80 · 27/05/2019 15:07

I often insist on paying my own bill only. I don’t get the mn obsession with splitting equally. Sometimes I want to spend time out with people, but can’t afford the whole dinner, and just order what I can pay for. Well done for speaking up!

missminagrindlay · 27/05/2019 15:08

No, fuck him off! He was hoping to rip the piss out of you. I'd have told him to get to fuck.

Treaclesweet · 27/05/2019 15:09

Of course you were not unreasonable. All of you/the friend who brought him should have covered his tip though imo.

AliceRR · 27/05/2019 15:09

YANBU It’s shocking that he behaved that way especially in getting annoyed when you refused to split the bill. He wasn’t obviously just expecting you all to subsidise his dinner which is appalling.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 27/05/2019 15:11

He sounds awful and I'd bet good money that the reason he was so adamant and aggressive about splitting the bill equally was that he knew EXACTLY what he was doing and how much he was taking the piss.

There is no way on God's green earth I'd have shared any of his bill.

As a general rule, whether or not we decide how to split a bill before a meal depends on who I'm with. Friends and family then probably not as I trust them not to take the proverbial, but others I might suggest it, especially if it looks like some are ordering more than others/some not drinking etc and it saves an argument at the end. In my experience, the less well I know the other people (work colleagues etc) the more it is expected that you'll pay for yourself.

The only time I've been adamant about it up front was when travelling and we had a girl in our group who would tot up how much her meal was worth, and want to split the bill equally or pay for her own depending on which way worked out cheapest! Once we cottoned on to her, we insisted on her deciding at the start whether she wanted a separate bill or to share with the rest of us.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 27/05/2019 15:14

What a wanker. How did you manage to sit with him for so long? I would have got up, paid my bill and left. But I really hate people who are arrogant to waiting staff, it is one of my pet hates.

I remember once being at a restaurant and a guy on another table was acting like the twat you described, he made some comment to the waitress about her ‘only being a waitress’ and she informed him that yes it she was, but it helped pay her bills whilst she was at medical school. I swear the guy visible shrank underneath his table.

pompomcat · 27/05/2019 15:14

YANBU, what a CF!
See it on here all the time where nice people were appalled at someone's behaviour whilst eating out but still ended up agreeing to split the bill equally because they were in shock / didn't want a scene - you should be proud of yourself for standing up to him! Hope you don't have to see him again Smile

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/05/2019 15:15

YANBU at all.
Among my various groups of friends, we do generally decide up front if we're going to split the bill equally at the end, or pay our own, but that's usually if one or more of us is feeling the pinch at the time.
Otherwise we'll just sort it when the bill comes in.

At no point would I have agreed to sub this chancing fucker a penny - he obviously hoped he could get away with it and got royally burnt, serves him bloody right! Rude bastard.

AliceRR · 27/05/2019 15:18

I often insist on paying my own bill only. I don’t get the mn obsession with splitting equally.

Generally I have mixed views on splitting. With many of my friends we just split it and it does feel “tight” not to tbh. It seems to us he become the norm. However, it’s annoying if I am trying to watch what I’m spending. I don’t drink much and often drink water with my meal after one soft drink or glassblowing of wine (or just water throughout) whereas others can spend as much or more on drinks as they do on food. Often I think you get into a pattern with certain friends.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/05/2019 15:19

He was banking on a Cheap night with copious amounts of food and drink based on the traditional way of taking the hit rather than embarrass ourselves by challenging cheeky fuckers like HIM. Well done OP Flowers

Listlover · 27/05/2019 15:20

Good for you for standing your ground.
Imo the only people who get upset about not splitting the bill are the freeloading greedy bastards who overindulge because someone else is paying for it and this is exactly the case here.
No decent person would mind someone with a cheap meal and coke etc only paying for what they’ve had.
No doubt the “oh if you can’t afford to split the bill you shouldn’t go out “mob will be along in a minute to disagree

Toooldtocareanymore · 27/05/2019 15:22

Well done you.

Rafflesway · 27/05/2019 15:22

I think you were brilliant Goals in standing up to this moron in the way you did. I would definitely not have subsidised his ridiculous spending either.

We don't eat out with others often but when we do we always say we will pay for our own. Not because we are tight - well I am but that's another story Grin - but because DH has a tendency to order expensive items and would never expect someone else to part fund his bill.

Not leaving a tip either after demanding so much service? Just vile!
Totally agree about you giving him a very wide berth in future.

cstaff · 27/05/2019 15:22

He is a CF of the highest order - Like you OP I would usually split the bill with friends and one week mine might be a bit more expenses and vice versa but that is totally taking the piss. Who does that to their friends.

Also the only reason for agreeing to split the bill beforehand is if someone is a bit stuck for cash.

DarlingNikita · 27/05/2019 15:24

fedup21, yes, the OP says he paid up.

He's a twat. The ONLY reason he'd want to know in advance that you were not splitting the bill is that he assumed he'd get away with everyone else subbing him.

For the record, I'm happy to split bills when the difference is a pudding here and some olives there, but this is beyond the pale.

Starlight456 · 27/05/2019 15:31

You absolutely did the right thing I do wonder how many times he has done this and been called on it

SupremeDreamz · 27/05/2019 15:31

There's a big difference splitting a bill because it's easier for everyone and insisting on it because you need to subside a huge binge.

WitchDancer · 27/05/2019 15:32

Well done for calling out this cheeky fucker. You did exactly the right thing