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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have paid for my own

171 replies

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 14:54

I know billsplitting threads are on here all the time, and I am maybe just looking for somewhere to vent rather than asking but:

Went out for dinner with a couple of friends who I go out with frequently and a friend of a friend who I vaguely know. Generally theres no issue with the bill, we tend to get round about the same thing and well..are friends so even if ones a bit more, who cares. But this guy, he ordered steak (no issue, I usually do) and 2 starters for himself (that he left most of) and nonestop cocktails while we drank..well like normal people. Then ordered a desert, didn't like it so ordered another, while still ordering and necking cocktails. It was like something from a TV show tbh, the constant shouting for stuff, the sheer amount ordered, he was also a bit of a twat to the waitress, basically seemed to think she was there to be his slave, even fucking asked her to wipe the table when he spilt a bit of drink instead of just doing it himself. Friend seemed quite embarassed to have brought him. And there was an atmosphere throughout the whole ordeal, as people kept pulling him up on speaking to staff like dirt and that.

Anyway, inevitable, bill somes and the guy says we should just split equally. I refused, as did the others as he had clearly taken the piss. He actually started arguing that this made us tight, who cares about an 'extra few quid' etc etc. I stood my ground and told him it was him who was tight because he basically, did not want to pay for the extravagent amount of food and drink he had ordered and how on earth were we tight because we did not want to basically sub him. He still said that it was us being tight. The whole scene was embarassing but I swear the difference was huge, but it was more the principle of it..we have enouh cash to pay for his too but why should we, especially when hes gone on the way he did and basically ruined the night. In the end, we all paid our own. Mine and mates was 20-25 quid each. His was near a hundred. And he didn't leave a tip either..took the change down to the penny!

He then said when leaving in a strop that if not splitting the bill, we should say before anything is ordered. WHY would that make a difference, if he was not only ordering as he thought we would pick up the tab? There is no reason at all that telling people you are not splitting would make any difference, unless they were being a twat on purpose surely?

Can anyone think of a reason why (besides taking the piss) anyone should have to say before anything is ordered that they are only paying for their own?

As I said, we usually just split it, but we don't take the piss out of each other the way this bloke was seemingly to. Anyway, he buggered off still in a strop that we were stingy and mean apparently, and we went on to have a decent night. I will totally avoid him from now on, not that I saw him much anyway, was just someone I kind of knew in passing but not a friend.

I think I know the answer to this really, but bill splitting threads are sometimes unpredictable. Were we being unreasonable to stand our ground and pay 20 quid, rather than literally double that it would be had we paid for his too? I know a lot will think 'its only 20 quid' but, it was principle too. Especially when he started saying it was us who were tight, when he was asking us to pay an extra 20 each because HE had been over indulgent..

OP posts:
bevelino · 28/05/2019 18:53

Well done OP, for teaching the CF a lesson, ha, ha.

ifyouneedmenow · 28/05/2019 18:55

@AliceRR I think you've taken it out of context .

WillLokireturn · 28/05/2019 18:59

He was a wanker who was gutted to have been called out on his wankery. Good on you all for not subbing him.

This ^

Very proud of you OP. He behaved appalling and won't get invited out again by "his (your) friend".
Bet his circle of friends narrows rapidly.

AliceRR · 28/05/2019 19:03

@ifyouneedmeknow I’m just responding to how I interpreted it

staceyflack · 28/05/2019 19:05

I'm proud of you too OP. What a prick!

Provincialbelle · 28/05/2019 19:08

I am so glad your story ended the way it did, I was worried you’d give in to his loutish behaviour. What a sick vile twat he was

CodenameVillanelle · 28/05/2019 19:14

I'm happy to split the bill if everyone had more or less the same and it will cost me less than £5 more than mine would have cost. However if some people are chugging back wine and having several courses I'll always pay for my own. If the rest of the party want to split what's left that's their lookout.

AliceRR · 28/05/2019 19:21

It annoys me if people have all had different things and then one person (eg in a work thing) calls out “we all owe £20” or whatever the amount is and then it’s “a thing” to say otherwise

I’ve also refused to split the bill when in a burger place in an evening with some younger, more junior colleagues. I was friends with one do them but there were two of her friends there. We all had burgers and fries but they also had several cocktails. When I said I was just paying for what I’ve had one of the girls (she was only about 20) then announced she needed to borrow some money in that case! Another guy who is in his 50s and and v generous offered to pay it and said “don’t worry about it” politely. I bet they didn’t offer to pay him back.

ThistleTits · 28/05/2019 19:31

Yanbu. If you had said before hand you would not be splitting, he'd not have had a third of what he did. I hate people trying to mug folk off. Hope he was sick and had a whopping hangover next day.

mcmooberry · 28/05/2019 19:39

Wonderful! A CF having to pay for his whole meal when he didn't expect it!! The not eating half of it is the worst of it!!

HighlyUnlikely · 28/05/2019 19:42

Well done OP! I had a ‘friend’ like this at Uni. Never had any money, but always wanted to come for meals out with everyone and expected others to sub her, even though we were more or less all in the same financial boat. Same every time... ‘oh I’ve only got four quid! I’ve forgotten my purse! I promise I’ll pay for you next time...’

30 years later, a group of us are trying to organise a little reunion and visit some of our old mates abroad. After much conversation about possible dates to accommodate CFs work schedule, she finally revealed she couldn’t afford the flight and hinted heavily that we could all ‘chip in’ so she could go, after we’d all bent over backwards about the dates. The group chat went curiously silent and plans were quietly abandoned. Fuck that! I could just about fund my own flight and certainly wasn’t subsidising hers too. Once a CF, always a CF.

viques · 28/05/2019 19:49

He's a greedy bigger, two starters, two desserts! And the rest. If nothing else he will think twice before he does it again.

viques · 28/05/2019 19:50

Bugger not bigger!

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 28/05/2019 20:13

He deliberately did it as he thought he could pull a fast one on you and then went off in a strop when it didn't work.
Well done on standing your ground.
As to the way he behaved to the waitress, he's an arrogant twat.
I'd never agree to him coming on a night out again.
I'll bet he's done this before, sounds like he's got form.

Beaverdam · 28/05/2019 20:16

Wow, that's very rude of him. I think you did the right thing. He obviously thought you would sub his overspending.

Commencaal · 28/05/2019 20:18

Am staggered by the number of cheeky bastards who find themselves short of cash when they realise they need to pay for what they've had! Tramps!

TigerTooth · 28/05/2019 20:23

We always split the bill, but, if I for whatever reason wanted a couple more cocktails or extra starters then I would insist on paying that bit extra. As would me friends, usually it’s pretty even anyway and easier to just split.

TigerTooth · 28/05/2019 20:24

Sorry - posted too soon!
Of course YANBU - bet he friend who bought him was mortified!

Cherrysoup · 28/05/2019 20:30

I’m astonished that he had the face to argue when you told him no. Unbelievable. I hope you don’t have to see him ever again.

Goldenphoenix · 28/05/2019 20:32

Good for you! Cheeky fucker, he might think twice next time he goes out to eat (not with you though!)

TheGrapefulDread · 28/05/2019 20:39

I am usually overly generous but there is one group where I won’t split equally because there is one person who drinks the equivalent of a tropical fish tank of wine to my couple of glasses of soft drink. I prefer to drive myself ( and when I had an MPV ) made sure my friends were safely dropped off too. It made for a better, more relaxed, night out when no one was clockwatching for their lifts. I don’t use the word very often but this person’s liquid consumption was awesome ( even ignoring the fact it was alcohol based ). I also find those folk that are ‘high maintenance’ are generally the stingiest of tippers.

Ontheboardwalk · 28/05/2019 21:49

Good on you OP for calling him out

Like you I like steak when I’m out, depending on who I’m with I sometimes throw in the extra cash for the steak then split the rest of the bill. With other friends I don’t bother they can suck up my steak because we’re close friends and it will all work itself over time 😀

Once had a colleague who joined us late for lunch but wasn’t eating. They ordered 2 very expensive cocktails then tried to say they weren’t included in paying their share of the bill because they hadn’t had food - erm nope

Cornishgorl44 · 28/05/2019 21:58

In my previous job we went out for a meal . Everyone ordered no hassle, the headteacher then proceeds to order and create a fuss and re order. All the food came the head insisted that she hadn’t ordered what she was served and demanded something different. When the time came to pay. We all paid for what we had eaten and a bit extra for a tip. Not the head ( in far far more money than everybody else) she asked for the difference in price of what she had previously ordered and what she had eaten to be altered and then took a bit off as she never left a tip !!!!!!
Done a few times when we went out as a group. In the end I decided not to go on work meals any longer

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/05/2019 22:36

There’s only one reason he’d want to know you weren’t splitting the bill beforehand - because then he’d have known not to order extra courses and fancy cocktails. Well done for standing your ground. I also can’t believe a PP suggested you should have covered his share of the tip - no bloody chance!

I’ve only had a couple of instances of this in my life. One was several years ago at a friend’s 30th - a big meal where not everyone knew each other. I had the only veggie choice, which has was a burger and only about £6. The couple opposite me both had three courses including the most expensive one on the menu - over £20 - then not only suggested splitting the bill, but also said we should split the birthday girl’s meal between us too! They sat there patting each other on the back saying ‘I’m so pleased we could do this for Kate’. I didn’t say anything, but I wanted to scream that they’d not only contributed both to Kate’s meal, but hadn’t even covered the cost of their mains. I kept quiet because I didn’t want to be the person causing a scene on someone’s birthday. I wouldn’t think twice about it now. In fact I’d take great pleasure in telling Lord and Lady Bountiful that they were a pair of freeloaders who needed to cough up if they really wanted to treat their friend.

Devora13 · 28/05/2019 22:43

Splitting the bill would only be a reasonable option if each person was ordering s reasonable, comparable amount. Unless he was stupid as well as rude, he could clearly see he wasn't, so the cheek was all his for even expecting it to be split. Sounds like he was one of those spoilt kids who whined until he got his own way.

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