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Original poster

To have paid for my own

171 replies

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 14:54

I know billsplitting threads are on here all the time, and I am maybe just looking for somewhere to vent rather than asking but:

Went out for dinner with a couple of friends who I go out with frequently and a friend of a friend who I vaguely know. Generally theres no issue with the bill, we tend to get round about the same thing and well..are friends so even if ones a bit more, who cares. But this guy, he ordered steak (no issue, I usually do) and 2 starters for himself (that he left most of) and nonestop cocktails while we drank..well like normal people. Then ordered a desert, didn't like it so ordered another, while still ordering and necking cocktails. It was like something from a TV show tbh, the constant shouting for stuff, the sheer amount ordered, he was also a bit of a twat to the waitress, basically seemed to think she was there to be his slave, even fucking asked her to wipe the table when he spilt a bit of drink instead of just doing it himself. Friend seemed quite embarassed to have brought him. And there was an atmosphere throughout the whole ordeal, as people kept pulling him up on speaking to staff like dirt and that.

Anyway, inevitable, bill somes and the guy says we should just split equally. I refused, as did the others as he had clearly taken the piss. He actually started arguing that this made us tight, who cares about an 'extra few quid' etc etc. I stood my ground and told him it was him who was tight because he basically, did not want to pay for the extravagent amount of food and drink he had ordered and how on earth were we tight because we did not want to basically sub him. He still said that it was us being tight. The whole scene was embarassing but I swear the difference was huge, but it was more the principle of it..we have enouh cash to pay for his too but why should we, especially when hes gone on the way he did and basically ruined the night. In the end, we all paid our own. Mine and mates was 20-25 quid each. His was near a hundred. And he didn't leave a tip either..took the change down to the penny!

He then said when leaving in a strop that if not splitting the bill, we should say before anything is ordered. WHY would that make a difference, if he was not only ordering as he thought we would pick up the tab? There is no reason at all that telling people you are not splitting would make any difference, unless they were being a twat on purpose surely?

Can anyone think of a reason why (besides taking the piss) anyone should have to say before anything is ordered that they are only paying for their own?

As I said, we usually just split it, but we don't take the piss out of each other the way this bloke was seemingly to. Anyway, he buggered off still in a strop that we were stingy and mean apparently, and we went on to have a decent night. I will totally avoid him from now on, not that I saw him much anyway, was just someone I kind of knew in passing but not a friend.

I think I know the answer to this really, but bill splitting threads are sometimes unpredictable. Were we being unreasonable to stand our ground and pay 20 quid, rather than literally double that it would be had we paid for his too? I know a lot will think 'its only 20 quid' but, it was principle too. Especially when he started saying it was us who were tight, when he was asking us to pay an extra 20 each because HE had been over indulgent..

OP posts:
Crazycat16 · 27/05/2019 15:32

Good for you!
And I say this as someone who will happily split a bill but end up cringing when I’m out with one lot of friends as we all have to line up and order and pay for drinks individually Blush

SupremeDreamz · 27/05/2019 15:32

Or even to subsidise a large bill. Whops.

Pinkvoid · 27/05/2019 15:33

Horrible person and not someone I would ever be sitting down for dinner with again.

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/05/2019 15:36

I think you were right the first time Supreme grin.

I hope this thread illustrates to all those who call people who don't want to split bills evenly tight why they don't want to do it, ie it's not always 'a couple of quid', it rarely evens out over time and it's always big eaters and drinkers who benefit, often at the expense of people who are sticking to a more modest amount of food because they have to, ie they can afford to eat out if they have one course and one drink, but not three courses and multiple cocktails.

Honeyroar · 27/05/2019 15:38

I'd have replied "I'm saying in advance that I won't be going out to eat with you again, you've been an embarrassment from start to finish!"

Actionhasmagic · 27/05/2019 15:38

The ‘we should have said we weren’t splitting the bill before the meal’ comment showed his true colours. I like splitting the bill but not with people who are mean to staff and clearly he over ordered because he thought it was being split. He wanted you all to pay toward his blow out

Queenoftheashes · 27/05/2019 15:40

Generally speaking if someone has had more they will insist on not splitting or point out X wasn’t drinking etc. Surely it’s not normal to have way more than everyone else then insist on splitting equally!
That’s horrendous and embarrassing behaviour. Splitting is good when you have roughly similar bills and everyone will always round up a bit anyway so it makes little difference but most people are self aware enough to ensure splitting isn’t fucking anyone over!

GabsAlot · 27/05/2019 15:41

Yeah if we're not splitting the bill i'll order less is what he meant

CF

ImMeantToBeWorking · 27/05/2019 15:44

I totally agree with you, he was totally in the wrong!!

Plus I hate people who are rude to waiting staff!!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/05/2019 15:49

Mn does get heated about equally splitting bills,and not doing so is tight,rude,or a faff.apparently
I pay my own bill,don’t split bill equally because not all orders are equal
There’s always someone who tries this little trick,and it’s really appalling. To socially manipulate or coerce others into splitting bill on basis of manners, or proper

Drum2018 · 27/05/2019 15:52

You were 100% right to pay for your own. I go out with friends. Only one drinks alcohol. We usually have similar food so she deducts the alcohol and we split the food bill. Even with good friends I don't see why others should foot their alcohol bill, let alone someone you are not good friends with - added to that 2 starters and 2 deserts, no frigging way!

Kaddm · 27/05/2019 15:52

Splitting bills is fine if people have had roughly the same. He was clearly taking the piss and expecting others to pay for it. Horrible twat.

NewAccount270219 · 27/05/2019 15:54

Of course you weren't in any way being unreasonable.

But it's also a bit silly that some pp are acting like this is a typical scenario when a group of people eat out, and so justifies a blanket ban on splitting the bill. I've never encountered anything like this - it is pretty extraordinary behaviour.

smallereveryday · 27/05/2019 15:56

He was relying on you being 'typically British ' and not wanting any confrontation.. that way he could carry on in this arsehole way and not suffer the financial consequences..

Bad luck arsehole

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/05/2019 16:00

I’ve experienced this loads,work dos,hen do,school do. I pay my share and no more.
I do make it clear at outset that I will pay my share and not split bill

Leeds2 · 27/05/2019 16:00

Good on you!

What did the friend who had invited him say after he had gone?

SpaceCadet4000 · 27/05/2019 16:08

He sounds like a complete arse, where do these people come from?! Well done for being assertive and calling out the unreasonable expectation.

We always play it by ear with bill splitting, I'm happy to if we've all pretty much had the same. We don't drink and usually have veggie options so we are generally on the cheaper side. Most of our steak and alcohol type friends will actually say "oh we'll cover ours as it's more" before it's even an issue.

Itssosunny · 27/05/2019 16:09

Anyway, inevitable, bill somes and the guy says we should just split equally.

Omg, he is a CF. I thought people don't do like that anymore. That's why I pay separately because of CFs like this guy. You order for £20 and they order for £30 or more and then want others to pay for them.

MRex · 27/05/2019 16:13

He sounds like a right knob. YANBU. Everyone in my circle tends to split the bill, but if one is having a lot more or less then there's an adjustment made, nobody reasonable expects others to subsidise their meal, at least not without asking first and promising repayment.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/05/2019 16:18

I don't think you'll have anybody disagreeing with your course of action, OP. The people who want to pay for their own are NEVER the CFs. Most people split bills quite happily but on occasion, there are people like these.

Fundays12 · 27/05/2019 16:23

I wouldn’t have split the bill either. I don’t mind splitting the bill and always put in a small tip aslong as everyone orders similar. Often I order one course and one drink as I am not a big eater or drinker so prefer to pay my own as most people order courses.

He ordered loads expecting everyone else to pay for it. Thats not on he should have ordered what he could afford.

Orangecake123 · 27/05/2019 16:23

Well done OP. Super proud of you for standing your ground.

LikeARedBalloon · 27/05/2019 16:23

He was very rude and very unreasonable.
I've had to cause tension in the past when a large group have wanted to split when they've had starters, main, desserts and alcohol and others have had a main and soft drink only....but they won't stand up for themselves. Probably why I don't go out for group meal anymore!! 🤣🤣

Whatsername7 · 27/05/2019 16:30

Read your post back and rejoice at the beautiful way you handled a CF looking to take advantage of nice people. If he'd ordered one extra drink or had a side that would have been one thing, but an extra dish for two of the three courses, expensive drinks and being so rude it ruined your night and still expecting you to pay?! No way! He got absolutely what he deserved! Ha!

Petalflowers · 27/05/2019 16:31

Well done to you (and friends) for standing up for yourself. There’s a huge difference between £20 and £100.