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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have paid for my own

171 replies

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 14:54

I know billsplitting threads are on here all the time, and I am maybe just looking for somewhere to vent rather than asking but:

Went out for dinner with a couple of friends who I go out with frequently and a friend of a friend who I vaguely know. Generally theres no issue with the bill, we tend to get round about the same thing and well..are friends so even if ones a bit more, who cares. But this guy, he ordered steak (no issue, I usually do) and 2 starters for himself (that he left most of) and nonestop cocktails while we drank..well like normal people. Then ordered a desert, didn't like it so ordered another, while still ordering and necking cocktails. It was like something from a TV show tbh, the constant shouting for stuff, the sheer amount ordered, he was also a bit of a twat to the waitress, basically seemed to think she was there to be his slave, even fucking asked her to wipe the table when he spilt a bit of drink instead of just doing it himself. Friend seemed quite embarassed to have brought him. And there was an atmosphere throughout the whole ordeal, as people kept pulling him up on speaking to staff like dirt and that.

Anyway, inevitable, bill somes and the guy says we should just split equally. I refused, as did the others as he had clearly taken the piss. He actually started arguing that this made us tight, who cares about an 'extra few quid' etc etc. I stood my ground and told him it was him who was tight because he basically, did not want to pay for the extravagent amount of food and drink he had ordered and how on earth were we tight because we did not want to basically sub him. He still said that it was us being tight. The whole scene was embarassing but I swear the difference was huge, but it was more the principle of it..we have enouh cash to pay for his too but why should we, especially when hes gone on the way he did and basically ruined the night. In the end, we all paid our own. Mine and mates was 20-25 quid each. His was near a hundred. And he didn't leave a tip either..took the change down to the penny!

He then said when leaving in a strop that if not splitting the bill, we should say before anything is ordered. WHY would that make a difference, if he was not only ordering as he thought we would pick up the tab? There is no reason at all that telling people you are not splitting would make any difference, unless they were being a twat on purpose surely?

Can anyone think of a reason why (besides taking the piss) anyone should have to say before anything is ordered that they are only paying for their own?

As I said, we usually just split it, but we don't take the piss out of each other the way this bloke was seemingly to. Anyway, he buggered off still in a strop that we were stingy and mean apparently, and we went on to have a decent night. I will totally avoid him from now on, not that I saw him much anyway, was just someone I kind of knew in passing but not a friend.

I think I know the answer to this really, but bill splitting threads are sometimes unpredictable. Were we being unreasonable to stand our ground and pay 20 quid, rather than literally double that it would be had we paid for his too? I know a lot will think 'its only 20 quid' but, it was principle too. Especially when he started saying it was us who were tight, when he was asking us to pay an extra 20 each because HE had been over indulgent..

OP posts:
TurnBackTime2015 · 27/05/2019 16:32

What a freeloader. People like that piss me off, he's got a bloody nerve calling you a tight wad when he saying you should have said before the meal if we're paying individually.

You should have said I'll split the bill between the others but refused his. I doubt you'll ever go out for a meal with him again

Purpletigers · 27/05/2019 16:34

Well done ! You did the right thing, hopefully he’ll be less inclined to take the piss again .

whatthehe11 · 27/05/2019 16:44

Unfortunately in my experience a lot of people in dinners have that attitude. I've been stung countless times even when I've had 1 course and bloody sparkling water. Good for you for standing your ground!

GinoPlaysTheTango · 27/05/2019 16:46

The good news is that you'll probably never have to sit through another meal with this person. He'll only be interested in going to restaurants with people he can rip off!

Just out of interest: what did your friends think? Hope they backed you up.

AlexaAmbidextra · 27/05/2019 17:01

I generally go for splitting the bill equally. I have a couple of friends who I know aren’t terribly well off so if I’m with them I’ll always put in a bit extra, ie. i’ll cover the drinks etc. However, there is no way on God’s earth that I’d subsidise a greedy twat like him. What a CF. 😱

Tistheseason17 · 27/05/2019 17:13

Well done for standing your ground, OP!
A good read!
And.... don't invite him out again - he's not actually your friend.

GnomeDePlume · 27/05/2019 17:34

YANBU and well done for standing your ground.

But it does make me wonder what his thought process was. Was he genuinely trying to scam you or was he totally unaware that he was ordering far more than the rest of you?

redexpat · 27/05/2019 17:42

I like your style.

Iloveacurry · 27/05/2019 17:46

He’s a twat and a CF. Well done for standing your ground. You shouldn’t have to sub him. I wouldn’t go out with him again.

livefornaps · 27/05/2019 17:48

I hope he walked into a lamppost on the way home

rainbowstardrops · 27/05/2019 17:52

Well he won't be invited again!

He was an utter twat

Ravenesque · 27/05/2019 17:55

What a massive arsehole. Him calling you all tight for not wanting to sub his excessiveness is bad enough but oh my days the rudeness to the staff. I'd have wanted to twat him one for that.

Cryalot2 · 27/05/2019 17:55

He sounds a miserable arrogant s#it .

dustarr73 · 27/05/2019 18:15

Just as well he had the money on him to pay.Imagine he didnt

Bluerussian · 27/05/2019 18:39

In future tell the waitress that the bill will be split. That's quite normal.
The man is an arse.

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 18:57

Just out of interest: what did your friends think? Hope they backed you up.

They agreed and did tell him too eventually. To start with they seemed a bit..shocked. Which I figure now he was banking on. The friend who brought him was so embarassed she spent the rest of the night apologising Grin Bless her. Says she had absolutely no idea as hes always seemed ok at work. I guess work and out are very different things.

No issue splitting bills with actual mates, regardless of what they have as they just wouldn't go on like this. Wouldn't quibble over someone having a desert or something. And have split equally in the past when I was pregnant and not drinkign as its mates. But someone I don't really know, and going on like that..fuck off. Was half expecting him to say he didn't have enouh cash when pushed to pay, but he had the cash to cover it, then take his 3 quid or whatever change and stomp off.

For whoever said we should have covered his tip, we did (was not really about the cash, more the attitude and we had enough money, stayed out for hours afterwards!). Once he had gone we actually stayed for another drink there and the waitress when not busy was speaking to us and says such a thing is not as rare as we would hope :/

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 27/05/2019 19:26

Out of interest, who invited the other guy?

redbedheadd · 27/05/2019 19:29

That's awful! I hate it when people don't leave a tip too - very unappealing person.

redbedheadd · 27/05/2019 19:31

Also I've never seen anyone order two starters and a main and dessert - that's bizarre and gluttonous

littlemeitslyn · 27/05/2019 19:43

He's an ar*e !

CanuckBC · 27/05/2019 19:58

He is a complete arse! Treating the waitress like that, not leaving a tip! Pisses me off!

It’s normal where I am to pay for what you get. Most bills are itemized that way now. You are almost always asked if you are on the same bill or not.

SrSteveOskowski · 27/05/2019 20:01

YANBU. He's a dick. DH had a friend like this. Note: past tense!
DH, myself, dickhead friend and duck head's wife (who was very nice) went out for dinner one night.
Dickhead had the most expensive options of everything on the menu. His main (fillet steak with all the trimmings) cost twice as much as everyone elses and he ordered 2 starters (in case he didn't like one) and 2 desserts.

DH doesn't drink and neither dickhead wife or myself are big drinkers, but he was ordering champagne and brandy etc.
Bill came and dickhead's wife said to him about paying for his share. He started getting really shitty and abusive, both to her and to us.

I'd never liked him (always liked his wife) and that night I'd just had enough. I told him that we weren't paying for all his alcohol and copious amounts of food. He called me a bitch, threw some money on the table and stormed out. His poor wife had to make up the rest of the money as of course, he hadn't left anywhere near enough.

I met his wife in the supermarket about 6 months later and she told me she'd left him, and that the night out with us had been the final straw for her. She said she was delighted when I stood up to him as it showed her how bad he really was.

I told her I was bloody delighted to hear it!

She's met a really lovely guy since. The 4 of us have been out together and he was more than happy to pay his fair share.
We had them round for dinner recently. She brought flowers and chocolates and he brought a nice bottle of champagne.

Haven't seen the dickhead since and he and DH are no longer friends.

Apologies for the essay, but you were dead right to do what you did OP. Some people are just complete pisstakers.

SrSteveOskowski · 27/05/2019 20:03

Oh, and I meant to add, ANYONE who treats waiting, retail or bar staff like shit, will ALWAYS be a dickhead in my book!

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 27/05/2019 20:03

I'm so glad you did that! You handled his cf behaviour perfectly Smile and pointed out what everyone always forgets - that it's not the people refusing to split the bill who are tight, but the person expecting everyone else to subsidise their meal.

I'm just delighted he got this response rather than the usual cow towing from people trying to "keep the peace". Hopefully he'll think twice next time!

TheRLodger · 27/05/2019 20:05

Yanbu he is cf. he sounds like he pretty much ruined what would have otherwise been a great night