To be depressed at being so ugly?

[Quasimodo84]

I know it’s very superficial and what kind of person you are matters more - as per Roald Dahl and his bit about how nice people are never really ugly - but it’s so depressing.
I’ve always been low in the appearance stakes but it’s defintiely worse now youth isn’t even on my side. My parents are perfectly nice normal looking people so I’m not sure how it went so wrong!
Every time I see myself I could cry. Of course appearances aren’t everything, but it’s amazing how a lot of people who say that are quite attractive and don’t realise the privileges that come with being more than averagely attractive.
I suppose it’ll only get worse as I get older too, I just need to learn to not care!

I don't think she's absolutely stunning but she's lovely looking

Don’t most studies show people are happiest in their fifties? Surely that should prove looks don’t = happiness or we’d all be happiest in our twenties.

I remember when I was about 18 - so if I was going to look ok ever it would have been then - and I’d got a photo of me and about seven or eight friends. I showed my mum and said ‘I actually look quite nice for once’ and she looked surprised and said ‘oh yes, you’d better frame that one, it might not happen again’ and then laughed 🙁 (she was right in all fairness)

Continuing to derail but....This is a good looking woman. More than just ‘average’ whatever that means.
I don’t think he is a stunner anyway.
But ultimately who gives a shit. They fell
In love, got married and have a baby 🤷🏽‍♀️

Usually it’s all subjective anyway and different people find things attractive.

I’m sorry you feel so awful OP. It sounds horrible. I know you can’t fix it all but maybe your hair is a small
Place to start just to make you feel a bit good about yourself. A previous poster says she wore wigs. An extreme thought but maybe one to ponder? If it’s as bad as you say xx

Oh quasimodo84 what an awful thing for your mother to say! I cannot ever imagine saying something so unkind to my DC

Continuing to derail but....This is a good looking woman. More than just ‘average’ whatever that means

Why can’t you realise that looks are subjective? In your OPINION she’s attractive! I am allowed to disagree with that. I had no idea who she was and googled her and no I don’t think she’s attractive, not for someone who is relatively young. That isn’t a bad photo that you’ve picked but in the others I’ve seen to me she’s not attractive.

She's like a lot of women, not photogenic and improved by grooming

My point really was that her attractiveness is imo coming from something other than looks. Some people, most people, are better in motion, talking, laughing. Some people look good in images and on film but their attractiveness may plunge through the floor if there's no spark of something too.

For the wedding how about the Garnier summer body tanner. Exfoliate beforehand and I tend to use a Primark mitt if it's for an event just to make sure it's even. Apply a few times before then to build up. Exfoliate face and liquid foundation applied with a brush. Subtle blusher or bronzer. Lip gloss. Tiny bit of vaseline for eyebrows. Simple hairstyle - bun with side parting? Or half up? I think side partings are flattering. If you're looking to buy something then look for a dress that suits your shape. Something skimming in chiffon or silk with some gathering under bust or high waistline is most flattering imo.

Oh you’ve just got to own it girl no matter what you look like. This is you so try to embrace it.

It makes me terribly sad when people don’t like the way they look. Last year I had to say goodbye to my husband and hold his hand as he took his last breath. He had a brain tumour so his mental health and physical appearance had been transformed. But when I held his hand and said goodbye it didn’t matter what he looked like. He was beautiful. When I remember him it’s not his looks I remember it’s his kind heart. No one will remember your looks they will remember though your character, your behaviours and the way you act. Be kinder to yourself.

Your story about your mum - I'm assuming those friends liked you for you. I barely even have that many friends, so...

Was your mum very focused on your looks? Could be part of why your placing lots of emphasis on this. Sometimes parents can be more critical of us than others would be.

How could anyone think Tasha McCauley is ugly? Ivd never seen her before, have no clue who she is but from these photos she looks pretty good to me. Skim, dark haired, dark features and quite unusual looking.

Sorry you find things so hard, OP. Lots of people have said ‘but you have a lovely personality’ etc to me and it’s kind, but doesn’t feel helpful if reality seems to be no bugger looks further than appearances so my ‘lovelines’ isn’t likely to get noticed as they don’t get that far. I was badly bullied throughout school and a lot of that was around my appearance. I had kindly parents who didn’t get it that being positive about ‘what’s inside mattering more’ weren’t getting the feeling of helplessness that comes with feeling at best invisible, at worst a target. I’ve had horrible sexualised bullying from men. I wonder who put the thoughts you have about your appearance in your mind, OP? I still struggle now, and a lot of that is around regret. I got into relationships not because I wanted them but because they were available. You are still young, OP. If counselling would help, I’d encourage you to go for it. I do my best these days. I think I have quite distinctive dress sense. I’m good with make-up. I’m not as overweight as I used to be. But I lost a lot of good years.

My mum is ugly. Very ugly. Absolutely hideous in fact.

If you listen to her own opinion of herself.

I grew up hearing this from her so of course I then grew up knowing that my mum was ugly.

As an adult I’ve looked at photos of my mum through the ages and my god she’s always been absolutely beautiful. But because of how she described herself, as a child I always just took it for granted that my mum was an ugly woman.

Find the things you love about yourself and make them your focus.

As r. Dahl said...

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Watch for some ideas and other videos and just practice every night till you change your eyes, nose and face shape to one you like. I only chose this video because its shows the stages of various application.

That's the beauty of makeup and why we love it.

tbh if you're confident and people generally like you, you will always come across as beautiful to them, always.

I'm sure loads of examples can be provided for people who have je ne sais quoi
I like
Melanie Gaydos
Camila Batmanghelidjh
They pack a punch !

Fact is most folk look good on the old social media. I've a few people on LinkedIn that I don't even recognise

True about personality : I knew a woman once who looked like Pocahontas but because she never smiled you just never saw her beauty. She was very beautiful but not a happy cheerful person at all.

Who can argue about Frida Kahlo

Physical beauty is over-rated.
I can name many famous/talented/inspiring people who are somewhat ugly, yet transcend that by personality/extroversion/talent/humour.
Men: Mick Jagger, Jeff Goldblum, Donald Sutherland, Quentin Tarrantino, Rowan Atkinson.
Women: Sarah Jessica Parker, Sandra Bernhard, Jo Brand, Glenn Close, Tilda Swinton, Melissa McCarthy.
Stop thinking like this, and become a new person that does not give a shit about good looks.
Best regards.

Frida Kahlo wasn't ugly in the slightest. She had facial hair which is unusual for a woman to let it grow.

Don’t most studies show people are happiest in their fifties? Surely that should prove looks don’t = happiness or we’d all be happiest in our twenties.

I think I look better now than I did when I was younger. What is the obsession with youth? It is possible to be beautiful at different ages (not that I've ever actually been beautiful haha). Interestingly men are supposed to improve with age and looking around I think it applies far more to women tbh.

Ugly is on the inside, not on the outside.

Sarcastic thoughts do not make you a bad person, just a normal one.

Have you had your eyelashes dyed, eyebrows shaped OP?
Eyes are what people look at when speaking to you or meeting you.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Sandra Bernhard, Jo Brand, Glenn Close, Tilda Swinton, Melissa McCarthy.

I dont think these women are ugly at all, not classically beautiful but if they weren't famous they'd be in the 'average' bucket with rest of us. Perhaps it's why women are so self-critical if perfectly ordinary looking women who are in the public eye are criticised for their looks.

I think I need to go and have my eyebrows shaped.

I feel intimidated by the attractive and young beatificians that inevitably work in such places. They probably wouldn’t give it a second thought but I always feel like they’d laugh at me for even bothering, like it’s a waste of money for me really.