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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be depressed at being so ugly?

270 replies

Quasimodo84 · 26/05/2019 16:40

I know it’s very superficial and what kind of person you are matters more - as per Roald Dahl and his bit about how nice people are never really ugly - but it’s so depressing.
I’ve always been low in the appearance stakes but it’s defintiely worse now youth isn’t even on my side. My parents are perfectly nice normal looking people so I’m not sure how it went so wrong!
Every time I see myself I could cry. Of course appearances aren’t everything, but it’s amazing how a lot of people who say that are quite attractive and don’t realise the privileges that come with being more than averagely attractive.
I suppose it’ll only get worse as I get older too, I just need to learn to not care!

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 27/05/2019 12:38

Joseph Gordon Levitt's wife is lovely !!

I agree, I think he is doing well for himself there.

LennyBelardo · 27/05/2019 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutOntheTilez · 27/05/2019 14:32

I know this is going to sound corny, but it really is what’s on the inside that counts, at least for me. Years ago I worked with a woman who looked like a model. Unfortunately, her attitude showed that she knew it. She was perfect at her job (when she decided to show up), but she was arrogant and not friendly.

I eventually had to fire her after repeated warnings about her wandering in late and throwing the whole team in disarray as someone had to cover for her. She was genuinely shocked. I had the impression that she’d floated through life and got away with a lot because of her looks. Maybe it’s me projecting, I don’t know. She was nice to me, but then again, I was her boss.

Meanwhile, there is a lady who’s the mother of a teammate of one of my sons. She is plain, short, wears thick glasses. But she is absolutely the funniest person I have ever met. She’s effortlessly funny, engaging, charming, kind, and I love being around her and talking with her. She draws people to her. SHE is the one I’m jealous of, not the model, because of her confidence and personality. I wish I was more like her.

Make them laugh, OP. Be kind and make them laugh.

madcatladyforever · 27/05/2019 14:34

Everyone ends up the same with age. I used to be beautiful when I was young and now I'm old I am nothing to look at and fat to boot.
I don't care I have lovely friends and lots of hobbies.
Less looking in mirrors and more looking outside.

CariadBach33 · 27/05/2019 14:58

I feel for you OP. But there is hope.

I considered myself so ugly as a teen that I dumped my first boyfriend as I felt he was way out of my league and that I was too ugly to be with him.

I ended up having counselling, lots of it and it helped me begun to like myself. Nowadays, I love my personality, I'm happy with who I am. I consider myself kind, generous, outgoing and friendly. Modest too. Wink

And although I still don't think I'm particularly much to look at, I don't hate how I look as much as I used to. Dyeing my hair, finding my own style and applying flattering make-up means I can sometimes go out and think I look okay.

Good luck OP. Flowers

ThatCurlyGirl · 27/05/2019 15:33

I looked at pictures of Joseph Gordon Levitts wife and my first thought was "oh, with his money he can do better than that" which was ridiculous of me.

I know you've already said so but yes it really was ridiculous! Not only is it mean to her individually, it's really, really troubling if you think of women as a commodity that are up for grabs to the highest bidder.

Crunchytowel · 27/05/2019 15:36

I can veer between ugly and pretty depending on what weight I am, how much sleep I have got, and if I'm wearing makeup. My figure is atrocious unless I'm so thin that your first impression is "skinny". I could do with a nose job. I was repeatedly called a "man" and a "dog" at school. However, I have really nice eyes, plenty of hair, I'm an excellent cook and a cracking shag. Play to your strengths and look at YouTube makeup tutorials.

timeforakinderworld · 27/05/2019 16:01

Everyone ends up the same with age.

This isn't even slightly true unless you mean we all end up as skeletons.

Cryalot2 · 27/05/2019 16:09

Flowers I am not sure why you feel this way, but I am pretty sure you are not ugly.
No one is perfect. Those who think they are pretty just tend to have more confidence.
I don't think plastic surgery improves , especially the celebs.
Well over half my skin is covered in psoriasis, I also have rosacea as well as psoriasis on my face . But within 5 mins my face looks normal.
You mention your hair, try a different hair dresser. A good one will make you happy with your hair.
I use a good moisturiser and foundation . You don't have to spend £££.
Try Function of Beauty for hair conditioner.
It seems expensive but it lasts for ages and you need little other products.
I would speak to a councillor as it seems like a lack of confidence .

GraceMarks · 27/05/2019 16:22

It's so invalidating of the OP's feelings to keep saying "Oh, I bet you're not ugly really, just smile more!" She must feel like nobody's listening to her.

OP - I hear you. I'm ugly, have been all my life. When I was thin and I had the sort of figure that society approved of, I got a few "Nice body, shame about the face" comments; now that I'm fat and old, nobody even looks, so thankfully I can get on with my life unhampered by what anybody else thinks of me. It's actually quite liberating, but it's taken years to come to terms with it. I think it would be insulting to you (and untrue) to pretend that it doesn't matter at all, but it doesn't make you less capable of doing your job, or as a mother, or a worse friend, or any of the things that are genuinely important.

Don't feel like you have to perform for other people's benefit to make up for not looking a particular way. You don't have to smile if you don't feel like it!

Papergirl1968 · 27/05/2019 18:17

I hear you. I’m ugly and fat. Dreadful skin as a result of teenage acne. I’m 50 and my skin is still very greasy now, so I’m hoping I don’t get too wrinkly. I have nice eyes, that’s about my only decent feature.
I don’t care as much as I used to. Some days I don’t wear makeup if I’m going nowhere special.
I just popped in to say Op, I get you. It’s hard when everyone is judged on their looks.

riotlady · 27/05/2019 18:33

Honestly I’ve been quite attractive and then much less attractive (via gaining 7 stone) and honestly, the only real differences are that I get catcalled less (which is nice!) and no longer get given free stuff (which isn’t exactly life ruining).
I’m in a much happier, healthier relationship now than I was back then, I enjoy my job and I’ve got good friends. Being pretty doesn’t get you the good things in life, being a good person (and a little luck) does.

Supersimpkin · 27/05/2019 19:30

Being outrageously good-looking might get you in the door, but it doesn't get you much further, it really doesn't. And yes, it does wear off as you age but ageing paranoia sure doesn't.

Faffandahalf · 27/05/2019 20:00

I cannot quite believe someone put forward Joseph Gordon Levitts wife as someone who is not attractive but has a certain something.
Even on her ‘pasty white no makeup’ (the poster’s words not mine) days she is a decent looking woman. And with makeup on she is quite frankly very good looking. Serious wtf there Confused

Original poster
quasimodo84 · 27/05/2019 20:26

Yeah I googled her cos I didn’t know who she was and thought ‘fuck, if she’s not attractive then it’s even worse than I thought!’

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 27/05/2019 20:30

WTAF she's gorgeous Confused

Happyspud · 27/05/2019 20:37

She is stunning. People are unfortunately determined to put other girls down.

cuppycakey · 27/05/2019 20:53

OP I am so shocked to hear that people have told you that you are ugly! How ugly does that make them?!

Do you have any trusted friends you could get style advice and make up advice from? It's difficult on here as obviously we can't see you. Someone who would accompany you to have make up done in department store etc?

I would start with two or three small changes and build up from there - see how you feel. Nails, toenails and eyebrows maybe for starters?

I wear make up every day but would never consider contouring. Cannot be arsed.

GraceMarks · 27/05/2019 20:59

I don't know how we got onto JGL's wife Confused She doesn't look like a typical starlet type, I suppose, but ugly?? Come on.

The reality is that most people look fairly average, a small few are very good-looking, and another smallish few are below average. The good-looking ones are disproportionately represented in the media, but if you think about your friends, family, colleagues, your wider circle of acquaintances - how many bona fide stunners do you actually know? Sure, some people are pretty or handsome, but I think the number of people I've ever met in person who would genuinely turn heads can be counted on both hands. I don't know what exactly I'm getting at here, except that making yourself miserable because you don't have something that most other people don't have either, is a silly way to live your life. I wish I had come to that conclusion 20 years ago!

zippyswife · 27/05/2019 21:05

I’ve just googled Joseph Gordon Levitts wife- she’s gorgeous looking I think. Very very attractive.

pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 21:14

It was me with JGL's wife. I meant not that she's ugly but is less photogenic and LA dolled up. Plus I was startled she wasn't tanned, I thought it bold that she's so paper white (didn't say pasty). And because JGL lives there, is an actor and has money I thought (initially) that I was surprised he didn't go for a more ScarJo type. Actresses are more photogenic of course and JGLs wife isn't one.

Hithere12 · 27/05/2019 21:20

It was me with JGL's wife. I meant not that she's ugly but is less photogenic and LA dolled up

I get what you meant. Not that she’s hideously ugly but she’s a pretty average woman who’s ended up with a millionaire actor as a husband.

Happyspud · 27/05/2019 21:23

God to people see no value in people greater than their appearance? Clearly not some of the posters on here despite what they think about themselves.

pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 21:27

I've accidentally derailed with JGLs wife I know that she's got her own robotics company, is trilingual and incredibly highly educated. She may even have more money than him.

Ravingstarfish · 27/05/2019 21:42

JGLs wife is bloody stunning in my opinion