To be depressed at being so ugly?

[Quasimodo84]

I know it’s very superficial and what kind of person you are matters more - as per Roald Dahl and his bit about how nice people are never really ugly - but it’s so depressing.
I’ve always been low in the appearance stakes but it’s defintiely worse now youth isn’t even on my side. My parents are perfectly nice normal looking people so I’m not sure how it went so wrong!
Every time I see myself I could cry. Of course appearances aren’t everything, but it’s amazing how a lot of people who say that are quite attractive and don’t realise the privileges that come with being more than averagely attractive.
I suppose it’ll only get worse as I get older too, I just need to learn to not care!

things i dont like about me:

25% grey but only in mid 30s

Very white skin tone which looks awful false tanned.

Deep set eyes and puffy eye bags, fairly standard shaped/sized features and nothing note worthy about bone structure etc

huge lumps of varicose veins on my legs

34 b and uneven breasts

32 inch natural waist (NHS says i'm at higher risk of heart disease/ diabetes) but i'm under 10 stone at several inches above the average uk woman height.

i rarely got any attention from men.

i could be much more unfortunate looking i suppose, you get what you get.

On the upside we have less to lose when we she, we're more resigned to it.

Whereas my poor friend who has always been stunning and it's opened many doors for her is Seriously struggling with fading into the background and losing her looks. It's sad really, how preoccupied we become with what we look like. It's the face we've been given, we may as well learn to live with it.

OP who on earth is saying this stuff to you? Awful ..

Age........God knows where the random 'she' came from.

As a PP said, I've genuinely never met an ugly person. Everyone I know has attractive features. With regard to the hair issues you described above - while mine grows back, I wear a wig. I posted loads about this last year and it's given me lots of confidence back. I also wear make up every day - for me, not for anyone else. And dress in a way that suits me, not really high fashion as I'm 49 and would look a bit ridiculous trying to resemble a teenager.

I have good eyes, teeth and not a bad figure. Now list three aspects about yourself that you like, or if that's too hard, that you dislike less than other parts. It's so easy to look in the mirror and concentrate on what we perceive to be our worst bits.

No one looks pretty when they're 80! (well maybe a VERY lucky few). That's how I always console myself with being very 'average.'

Go to a different hairdresser, get it dyed a chocolate brown (blonde is hard work) get some layers put in to give it volume.
Go to a boots and have a make up tutorial.
Pinterest clothing ideas for your body type and shape.
Get some new friends who won’t be mean.

Who has told you you're ugly? Was it at school or something? I was told that over and over again, it's hard to undo it. Even my own mum knocked me down about my looks. As I've got older I've undone it all and I realised there was nothing wrong with me. Yeah I'll never be a model but I'm not ugly. All of the people I find attractive have something else there, it's not looks, it's confidence in what they do and humour etc etc. Sounds cheesy but it's true. Just make the best of yourself, wear what makes you happy and confident and do what makes you happy.

Slight aside, but I disagree that looks fade with age. I think women get more attractive as they get older. Unless they go down the botox/surgery route, that generally looks horrible. But I always fancy older women.

OP - I can promise you are not ugly. The only ugly people I have ever met are ugly in the inside.

I’d bet anything you’re not actually ugly.

I’m ugly. At least I think I am but I’ve also come to the realisation that i am my own worst enemy. I’m literally Teflon when it comes to what other people think of me but, man!, can I hate myself. I’m am so cruel and judgemental towards myself in a way that wouldn’t even occur to me to be about other people.

Try being kind to yourself. There will be something that you like about yourself. I’d bet you have many features/qualities that anyone would admire

Yeah agree with above poster. I've met people that have looked beautiful but become unattractive over time because they are bitchy or shallow.

Even if you had the money it probably wouldn't be wise to have plastic surgery, people look so false, not a good look at all. Just a few simple things as a pp said. I never think anyone is ugly because of what they look like, but I would about their character. Also health is far more important I think. I am sure you're not as ugly as you perceive yourself to be.

Blonde hair is really hard to maintain. Can you get a lovely brown from Boots - much easier to keep glossy and healthy.

And echo what everyone has said! There's no way others will see you like this.

If you can try and find some time... exercise can have wonderful impact on your sense of self

Looks are nothing. Trust me you can't get much uglier than I am!! Yet I have always had a partner, husband or BF, even now at twice your age there is an 'interested' man (shame because I am not interested, but that's another story)

Honestly ugliness comes from within. Your face/figure don't change that. You could be the most conventionally attractive woman in the world and still be ugly because of the way you perceive and treat those around you. Conversely you can be thought of as an incredible person if you smile and treat people well. That is what they will remember you for.. not your face or your figure.

Like everyone else has said - I can’t think of anyone I know that I would classify as ugly. It matters much more what kind of person you are

Make friends with more smiley people and not those people who are mean.

Try smiling at someone on the street - when someone does that to me it makes me happy so I try to do it when I can. 😁

It's of course nonsense to say that looks are all relative, and everyone knows that attractive people get more opportunities in life. Yes, most people are just insecure or would look much better with the right hair and make-up, but facial symmetry and such is all a genetic lottery. Some people did not luck out, and I think it's ok to acknowledge that, but you don't want to get stuck.

OP: you don't have to be kinder, nicer and more accommodating just because you were not blessed with good looks. I think that's actually a trap. Just be yourself. Love your body for all the things it can do. Be in your body and use your eyes to look at world around you, instead of looking at yourself and judging. Remember: being young and beautiful is a fleeting type of privilege.

What makes you interesting is what you think of the world, and not what the world thinks of you.

Pamper yourself. Get some make-up. Put on some highlighter and contour your face. Get a good pair of skinny jeans and a blazer. Also work on your self-esteem. If you continue to devalue yourself then others will respond in a similar way. Practice self-love and self-care.

I don’t understand contouring. I went to boots and felt afraid of all the complicated make up and scuttled back out.

I'm no oil painting... never was, and never learned to use makeup either so no good at improving the whopping nose stuck in the middle of an average face!
Now I'm 51 and going rapidly grey and my have jowls, wrinkles and god knows what else... and I'm not well dressed or elegant either.

BUT , I don't think my kids or my family or my (few) friends think of me as ugly, I am whatever my relationship to them is, Mum, friend, colleague, my face is irrelevant to how they feel about me, I'm sure.

I rarely notice anyone for their looks, ever. Just occasionally I might see a stunningly beautiful woman or man and think WOW, but mostly I just see people, and when I get to know them, whatever it is that makes them THEM.

I try to be grateful my body is mostly functional and sometimes wish it looked more put together but that's it. You are NOT ugly!

Try to find or ask for recommendations, for a nice and friendly beauty salon where you can book in for a tutorial. Somone I know owns a salon, and they do tutorial sessions, both for teenagers and for older women who would like some advice. I am tempted to book onto one but have too much on at the moment.

OP think of the people in your life, and your reasons for liking them. I bet their looks don’t even factor 2% into it. So it’s the same for others, they couldn’t care less what you look like.

Being very very attractive comes with downsides. I’ve seen colleagues experience a lot of bitchyness and even bullying because of jealousy over how attractive they are.

As a fellow ugly person, I really appreciate and agree with LailaDay’s post ^

I hate to be rude but wish people wouldn’t stop lying about “no one is ugly” it’s all about personality etc
There are numerous studies showing the ‘halo effect’ good looking people have, more job opportunities etc etc (could go on but don’t want to bore you)
Also, it’s almost denying my very real life experiences I’ve had due to my looks (bullying, street harassment, pigging dares)

The vast majority of people are average, yes but us few genuinely ugly people do exist. Also I do not have high expectations whatsoever I would never compare myself to a celebrity/model, I just wish to look boringly average (I.e normal)

‘Pretty privilege’ is the one ‘privilege’ no one cares about. People would never take me seriously if I admitted as a working class woc that it’s my looks which have held me back the most

I go through phases of trying to not let people get me down because of my ugliness and focusing on other things that bring me joy in life but I can’t deny it is very hard

I wish you well OP, and just wanted to let you know your feelings are valid

*would not wouldn’t

I don't know why people are saying you can't be ugly, and nobody is ugly. Plenty of people are (I myself am a member of the Differently Beautiful community), and smiling doesn't make you less so.

What I have found helpful is recognising that being Facially Unfortunate does not stop people liking me, wanting to hang out with me, wanting to date me, giving me jobs, promoting me.... basically it doesn't hinder me, since I have no desire to be a model or actress. Would I prefer to be gorgeous? Yes! Can I do alright for myself with the face I got given? Yes! And so can you.

Hi OP, I've got to my mid 30s and knew nothing about make up. The make up counters in Boots always intimidated me, but last week I did it, I put my big girl pants on and went in and asked for advice/make up lesson. It took me a couple of walk rounds and I even left the shop twice before I finally bit the bullet but the lady couldn't have been kinder and I left with some great products. If I'm having a particularly rubbish day about myself I put the make up on like the lady showed and feel a million times better. Give it a go 😀