To be depressed at being so ugly?

[Quasimodo84]

I know it’s very superficial and what kind of person you are matters more - as per Roald Dahl and his bit about how nice people are never really ugly - but it’s so depressing.
I’ve always been low in the appearance stakes but it’s defintiely worse now youth isn’t even on my side. My parents are perfectly nice normal looking people so I’m not sure how it went so wrong!
Every time I see myself I could cry. Of course appearances aren’t everything, but it’s amazing how a lot of people who say that are quite attractive and don’t realise the privileges that come with being more than averagely attractive.
I suppose it’ll only get worse as I get older too, I just need to learn to not care!

Dear OP, I bet you are beautiful - as in I bet you are there for your friends and I bet you don't judge others on their looks.

If you genuinely feel your face is unacceptable, try www.changingfaces.org.uk/ I am not being facetious - when I worked in a burns unit it put things in perspective, but, my large mole would have meant that Changing Faces could help me too.

Took me a long time to come to terms with my face, because for a long time all I saw was my mole. It's not small. Think John Boy Walton (yet I never believed people would see anything other than The Mole in me, despite this). Was a total shock I could be loved despite it. An even bigger one to hear some people hardly noticed it.

Imagine getting to get to the point where I could remove it and yet I chose not to. That's been me since my late 20s

OP, I would really suggest going to get a make up demo from a decent counter - Boots No 7 are great. Say you want natural, not contoured(unless that's what you want). Light foundation or beauty balm only.

This is to get yourself used to the new look as much as other people.

My face doesn't matter now. I'm 54, and it tells me of all I've been through and all I am.

I've been told/laughed at on four separate occasions by men in the street/children about my ugliness (every single time when ididnt have make up on, so, my true face). It's soul destroying, and has affected my whole life since I was first told/laughed at when Iwas 14. I always thought, if I could just have children, they would be the only people who would truly love me. Now I've luckily managed to have them, it has helped, but...it doesn't help any the less knowing I'm not appealing.

Sorry entirely off topic but why do people keep saying blonde hair is hard to maintain? If that's the colour it grows out of your head surely it doesn't require anything doing to it? Genuine not goady question!

Also this whole thread makes me desperately sad. I'm not attractive and I know it. I've had spells where it's bothered me (ironically when I was actually more attractive than I am now). But as I get older my ever strengthening feelings about it is a hearty FUCK 'EM!

I'm not here to provide attractive scenery for other people's stories. I'm here to live my own. I can't see myself unless I choose to look. And I don't give a shit if other people don't enjoy spectating. I'm not here for them!!!

Oh god it's hard isn't it. I am very plain I think, went to a party last week and tried so very very hard to look my best and not a soul said anything except a pissed bloke at 3am so doesn't exactly count. I hate that I crave that approval but I so wanted people just to notice that I'd tried. Does make it all feel a bit pointless but at the same time I'm supremely grateful that in general I just pass unnoticed unlike the horrible comments some people on here have received

@Namestheyareachangin I'm assuming they mean bleached hair. It is an absolute bitch to maintain. Very few adults are naturally blonde, unless it's dark blonde/very ashy

Yeah my hair is naturally a weird yellow colour and I’m scared to dye it...although could it look worse? Maybe not!
I’m not bothered so much what others think but it’s horrible to look in the mirror and think urgh. I don’t have photos anymore, even with my children.

Could you post a photo and we could suggest makeup and hair for you? I am 100% sure you are not ugly!

Tbh bullying can happen regardless, I was told I was ugly constantly from the age of 13 to 15. I'm definitely average and have aged way better than some of the bullies....

I don't think is so much nobody is ugly as nobody is really good looking except some lucky people, and young people. I'm certainly no oil painting (but this thread has inspired me to Chuck a hair dye in to sort my greys out at least)

I think Youtube is fabulous and free for tips and help. I am late 30’s and definitely not looking as I did in my 20’s!

I discovered a couple of things - Queer Eye on Netflix and you tube videos.

Queer eye takes very average people and they change just a few things and makes a fantastic difference.

I then started looking at you tube for make up tips and one thing realised is I needed to overhaul my make up game, as I was still applying it like I had 20’s skin and not adapting for my age!

Also dressing for your age and shape can make a difference.

Also found exercise videos- no need for gym- 20min exercise session in the living room!

Just small things but in the main I would say there must be something you like and remember that everyday!

With your hair go to a different hairdresser and have a proper consultation- can get some highlights through.

Beauty is a lot to do with confidence - although just getting a fab pair of shoes you love can give you more confidence so maybe start there or as others said a make up appointment.

Everyone is beautiful to someone but in the words of Ru Paul “If you can’t love your self, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else”

Op, you had children. So someone had sex with you. That's hardly ugly. There's your empirical proof right there.

No one is ugly.
There I solved it for you.

The rest is just cosmetic- you have blond hair. Get some low/highlights. Go to a college to have it done cheaply.

Makeup/ Go to a free counter at JL or somewhere else and get some tips.

Clothes- look online for people who are like you and get some style tips. - go to the style board on here. V helpful

Skincare - work out your type. View bloggers etc

The MAJOR thing - get some therapy about how you feel about yourself.

There! All sorted

@LooUpdate
Nuff said!

looupdate I’m not sure one can go by that. It’s a fairly low bar to set.

Some good advice though, I do lurk in the style and beauty section sometimes but I feel like I’m in too deep with some of it. Some of it seems expensive and people talk about brands and make up I’ve not even heard of!

I just turned on my camera and it was selfie and I felt physically sick. I need to start doing my hair and go doctors for something for my spots but I understand how you feel. I just have greasy swept back hair even though I washed it earlier and greasy face and no idea how to do makeup or stop eating as much!

Some people are photogenic and some arent. Looking rough on a selfie really means nothing

Have you got that body dysmorphia thing that people talk about OP? Where people imagine they're ugly but actually, they're not?

I am quite confident and consider myself reasonably ok looking but am truly hideous in photos!

I think we mentally prepare ourselves for photos and mirrors but a surprise photo or the dreaded reverse unexpected selfie can be soul destroying

Can you take a picture of yourself for us? I bet you're lovely!

And if that's too much, your hair? I bet it could easily be coloured well.

My hair also doesn't do anything but as long as you have a good colour it always looks ok.

I have frequently been told through my adult life that I’m beautiful, men pursue me and I have definitely learnt to make the most of my appearance.. but underneath it all, I feel that I’m ugly sometimes! Surely we all do at times?

Have a feeling you're not as bad looking ax you think and are being down on yourself.

Do you compare yourself to ordinary people or to models/personalities etc in magazines and on TV; because most people don't look like them.

Is weight part of it, you said you don't do much exercise .. could you find something you enjoy doing that incorporates exercise? Personally I hate gyms, wirking out etc etc but I've found things that burn calories while you doing something you enjoy, like walking/, hiking, tennis etc.
There are also millions of good free videos on YouTube you can do at home (they actually got me past my dislike of 'working out'; fitness blender is a good one.

Re your hair, don't be scared of a dye of you want to try one. Get s temp one that washed out quickly so if you don't like the effect it's gone pretty quickly. Go for a dry cut (cheapest) with someone good to see if it can flatter your face shape better.

You don't need to buy expensive makeup if you want to try some tutorials (again on YouTube). There are lots of iconic makeup 'greats' that are average prices brands. Likewise a lot of the cost of v expensive brands can be packaging and advertising. I remember laughing seeing Japanese brands kanebo and shiseido being sold for silly money in the UK after living in Japan for a while; they were like Nivea or Max factor there. The shops here were just massively inflating the price.

There are good tutorials online and on YouTube about identifying your body shape and the clothing shapes to wear to flatter it too.