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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid over this lazy awful excuse for parenting last night

274 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 26/05/2019 05:15

I wnet out for girls night and was drinking, baby is normally breastfed but will take formula as I struggle to express.
We havbr used a bottle for several months so I told dp they probably need washing and re sterilising. He said he checked and they didn't need washing just sterilising.
Checked this morning as baby now. Awake and I can't breastfeed yet due to alcohol, last night, and there three bottles with black mould on them in steriliser. I've hit the roof. How lazy is it not to check?
He thinks it isn't a big deal but I'm freaking out that he's put the baby at risk just because he cba to wash up 4 bottles before starlising them!
I know he has ds while I was out but wtaf
I'm panicking that I need to take ds to Dr now.

OP posts:
boobirdblue · 26/05/2019 17:40

@TheInvestigator I understand what you're saying but what I'm saying is that I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids.

@hellooosweetheart neither has OP, she's disappointed that the child's father couldn't look after the DS properly.

You clearly can't even begin to trust yours to look after the DC effectively. That's bloody dreadful! I feel sorry for any mother that can't trust her DCs other parent.... you should've considered this before having children with him.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 17:43

@boobirdblue it's a bit late now though isn't it? She can't shove the kid back in.

Just as pointless a comment as the one that never went out.

boobirdblue · 26/05/2019 17:48

@YourSarcasmIsDripping she'd be better off parenting alone, the OH would be a dead weight round her neck! She also appears to have more than one child, so she would've known after the first.

It's not a pointless comment, she seems to be knocking a mother because she went out. Telling her she's wrong.... she's wrong as more than myself have pointed out.

You're clearly cut from the same cloth.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/05/2019 17:52

I'm sure no one in their right mind would think a mother can't leave their child. I work ffs, I regular have to leave him with a childminder, my mom or his dad. If I didn't he would have no where to live, no food and no clothes!
Socialising occasionally without a child is fine, provided suitable. Childcare is organised. His dad should be suitable. People even did this decades ago. It is very much the norm

OP posts:
FromEden · 26/05/2019 17:53

It seems like he wanted to punish you for having a night out tbh. Either because he resents you going out, or resents having to look after his child when thats "your job", or both.

Leaving you with your DC and going back to bed when you only had a few hours sleep isn't on either and seems like another "punishment" for you too.

boobirdblue · 26/05/2019 17:53

@Spanglyprincess1 you do not need to justify a night out.... you really don't!

shitpark · 26/05/2019 17:56

Wash them in very hot soapy water and they are fine to use. You don't need to sterilise at 10 months old. If baby is weaned you can give milk in a cup and food. No need to sterilise. You shouldn't be using bottles at 10 months anyway

BlackPrism · 26/05/2019 18:00

Jesus learn to spell sterilised.... you've spelt it 18 different ways 😂

dementedpixie · 26/05/2019 18:01

Bottles are fine at 10 months, why wouldn't they be? Confused

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/05/2019 18:07

Dyslexic but ta

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 26/05/2019 18:08

Why would you not wash a babies bottle. You wash your plates after you use them, don't you.

It's criminal.

Sterilising won't be an issue, but washing is, and mould is. Nobody in their right mind would eat any old mould. This isn't cultivated mould like blue cheese. It could be anything.

See this - generally OK to cut back mould from hard stuff, like cheese. Anything else, chuck.

www.healthline.com/nutrition/is-moldy-food-dangerous#section2

Gth1234 · 26/05/2019 18:09

for a baby, I would probably wash AND sterilise. Milton fluid at the very least.

GenevaMaybe · 26/05/2019 18:29

This is why in France they don’t recommend to sterilise at all. Washing by hand in very hot soapy water and air drying is the recommendation this way.

Idlikeabunchofbananasplease · 26/05/2019 18:41

I'm not being funny but black hold doesn't grow over night. It's obvious that you haven't been cleaning or serializing the bottles properly either. Chuck all the old bottles and get new ones asap

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2019 18:42

The bottles haven't been used in a month, so who washed them up after they were used last?? DH is unreasonable to have not rewashed it but one of you is also unreasonable to have left them to go mouldy for a month!

53rdWay · 26/05/2019 18:43

Well, OP has boobs and her husband doesn't, so which of them is more likely to have used the bottles last for their breastfed baby?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2019 18:46

hellooosweetheart you never leaving your kids doesn't actually mean you're a better Mum you know. Lots of women have to work, lots of women choose to work, lots of women understand it's important to maintain your own relationships, your own mental well being and your own independence over the two decades your kids are at home.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2019 18:47

@53rdWay sometimes DH would feed the baby and I'd do the washing up. It isn't like we split the pile into the cutlery he used and the cutlery I used and wash up our own...

53rdWay · 26/05/2019 18:53

Well, far be it from me to stand in your way of finding an explanation by which OP's partner's shit parenting is in fact her fault, then.

B3ck89 · 26/05/2019 18:54

How long were the bottles left? A month?
Black mould does not form that quickly, so I’m curious how long they was seriously left for

AbbyHammond · 26/05/2019 19:07

I've had a child's water bottle go a bit mouldy when it has been left in the back of the cupboard for ages - I'm assuming from the valve bit being damp.

The OP says it's been at least a month/months since her DH last used the bottles and they've been left in the steriliser - it's clearly the responsibility of the person making the bottle to make sure it is clean.

Not sure why some are so keen for the mother to take the blame when she wasn't even there Hmm

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 19:15

Because some people are twats or have ridiculously low standards when it comes to men and pulling their weight.

PonderingPanda · 26/05/2019 19:46

OP - it may be his 4th child but how much input did he truely have with the first 3?

I think his treatment of you and the baby is disgusting. Maybe you should be questioning how he treats you overall.

WeWantJustice · 26/05/2019 20:02

What a fuss about nothing. We are talking about a 10m old not a little newborn

No we're not.

We're talking about a man who is prepared to risk his child becoming ill, in order to show his wife that he's got no intention of doing his fair share of childcare and if she expects him to, he'll do it so badly that he may actually harm the child.

If a woman deliberately risked her baby becoming ill in order to manipulate/ punish her husband, everyone would recognise that as abusive behaviour.

There's a reason the OP is posting. She has much bigger problems than dirty bottles.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2019 20:41

@53rdWay I haven't said it was OP's fault., I've said HE WAS BU for not doing it properly when he fed the baby and WHOEVER WASHED UP ORIGINALLY is BU for not being able to wash up.

Given that OP likely knows who did it, she'll know i'm either saying he's doubly unreasonable, or they're both unreasonable.
Not of that makes OP responsible for her partner not being able to rewash and sterilise a bottle.