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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be livid over this lazy awful excuse for parenting last night

274 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 26/05/2019 05:15

I wnet out for girls night and was drinking, baby is normally breastfed but will take formula as I struggle to express.
We havbr used a bottle for several months so I told dp they probably need washing and re sterilising. He said he checked and they didn't need washing just sterilising.
Checked this morning as baby now. Awake and I can't breastfeed yet due to alcohol, last night, and there three bottles with black mould on them in steriliser. I've hit the roof. How lazy is it not to check?
He thinks it isn't a big deal but I'm freaking out that he's put the baby at risk just because he cba to wash up 4 bottles before starlising them!
I know he has ds while I was out but wtaf
I'm panicking that I need to take ds to Dr now.

OP posts:

BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 08:55

There are some real arseholes on this thread. OP, you didn't do anything wrong, your DH should have been able to carry out this simple task unaided. Without you having to check before you went out.

Mildew can easily form in a month depending on the environment.

Trebla · 26/05/2019 08:55

I had to exclusively pump for my 3rd baby due to him being born with a cleft palate. Even sterilised bottles can develop black mold if not thoroughly dry when put away. Lost count of the teats and valves we threw away from the storage tub as they were mouldy when we went to get them out. They were put away clean and sterilised. And then re sterilised before use. The storing part was the issue.

Trebla · 26/05/2019 08:57

And in response to the OP. He will be fine. My kiddos have eaten all sorts from the floor. A wee bit of mold in one feed is really a non issue. If you lived in damp conditions and he constantly breathed in mold spores that would be different. Ingesting them in that minute amount, he'll probably kill any off with his tummy acid.

TheInvestigator · 26/05/2019 08:58

So your husband has done something monumentally stupid and lazy, and has one xcuse because you specifically told him to wash the bottles, but when confronted he says “I’m not talking about this” and walks off. You know that kind of treatment is emotional abuse, don’t you? Is this how he regularly handles a situation when he is in the wrong? Does he throw the blame back into you for not doing it for him? Does he ignore you until you back down and see things his way? Does he apologise and try to rectify his mistakes? How is he in the relationship generally?

The refusing to speak to you and walking off is a big problem if that is how he treats you when he has made a mistake.

2toddlers · 26/05/2019 08:59

I’d be pissed off too, he was just being lazy. You don’t need to wait hours and hours for alcohol to be out your system if you aren’t blind drunk which by the sounds of it you weren’t. I’d just feed if I’ve only had a few wines, there’s quite a lot of stuff written about this about blood alcohol level vs what’s in your milk. You can also just put bottles in the dish washer after 6 months old too, no need to be faffing around with a steriliser anymore.

costacoffeecup · 26/05/2019 09:01

I wouldn't breastfeed when hammered but certainly have been doing after half a bottle of wine of a Friday night. I sat down and worked out the volume of actual alcohol he was getting assuming a 200ml feed at doubly the drink drive limit (which is probably the maximum exposure he could ever have) and it was much less than he gets from the ranitidine dose he's on every day for reflux!

Your husband is a total idiot, did he not notice? My DP will sometimes do the formula dream feed on a weekend night) when I'm totally knackered and need to get a chunk of sleep and a couple of times he's jsut left the dirty bottle all night. Drives me mad as it's such a simple thing to wash it before bed.

costacoffeecup · 26/05/2019 09:03

Oh and @Oysterbabe is right about sterilising with formula. The baby licking the floor or whatever is completely irrelevant, sterilising is because bacteria can grow on formula and it's dangerous, it's specific to formula milk being used rather than germs on bottles through general use etc. Hence NHS website advice.

Meckity1 · 26/05/2019 09:04

I think I've seen other threads from you.

He's doing an awesome job - you will think twice about going out again, won't you? After all, if you go out, the health of your child is at risk. Think about it. Would you feel comfortable going out again in the next month or so? While your little one is still taking bottles? He's making sure that you are more likely to be at home.

If it was a genuine mistake or something he thought wasn't as important he wouldn't walk off saying 'not going to talk about it'.

I hope I've got this wrong, but in your shoes I'd start keeping a journal somewhere safe and referring to it often.

WhiteRedRose · 26/05/2019 09:09

You can bf after a boozy night OP. Please read up on it. There is no alcohol in your milk any more than there is in fresh orange.

dementedpixie · 26/05/2019 09:15

At least the mould would be sterile mould if he had sterilised them again. Your baby will be fine. You could soak in milton after washing to make sure they are totally clean. Pumping and dumping does not remove alcohol from your breastmilk so it's pointless

billy1966 · 26/05/2019 09:22

OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Your husband knowingly put your baby at risk.

It sounds completely deliberate to me.

He does not sound as if he treats you well.

You have been warned.

Be very careful.

Good luck.

stayclosetoyourself · 26/05/2019 09:25

I find it odd that the bottles were mouldy - mugs in the cupboard don't go mouldy and it just seems strange.
If they were mouldy then I wouldn't have passed a message on to say oh give them a wash, I would have either chucked them or washed and sterilised ++ until seemed OK.
Very odd - get some new bottles!
Have you got a very damp house , or were they left dirty maybe

dementedpixie · 26/05/2019 09:27

They were probably sealed while damp after sterilising. Left like that for a month they can end up with mould. I have seen it on sports cups too, it's not unusual

Banana1984 · 26/05/2019 09:32

It takes more than one night for black mould to grow on baby bottle. Don't know if you are telling whole truth here. You can leave a bottle for 2 or 3 days with milk on and it still wouldn't grow black mould that fast. Those bottles were not washed or cleaned should I say for a lot longer than one night. So you are both at fault don't just blame him. That's pretty lame of you both. Just wash them and sterilise them every time you use them and put them away.. They can also be sterilised in the dishwasher or in a container with a tablet of Milton. It's not that hard

AbbyHammond · 26/05/2019 09:33

If they were mouldy then I wouldn't have passed a message on to say oh give them a wash, I would have either chucked them or washed and sterilised ++ until seemed OK.

This wasn't the OP's job - it was the father's job to check the bottles, wash/sterilise if necessary, feed the baby.
The OP breastfeeds and she was OUT.

Responses on this thread are bizarre. OP posts about her crap, lazy husband who couldn't even sort out feeding his own baby from a clean bottle and gets told:

she shouldn't be going out
she shouldn't be drinking
she should have checked and washed all the bottles for her DH anyway

Banana1984 · 26/05/2019 09:34

@billy1966 black mould does not grow in one night though.

AbbyHammond · 26/05/2019 09:34

Banana - the OP clearly says the bottles hadn't been used for a month and were still in the steriliser.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 26/05/2019 09:35

At least the mould would be sterile mould if he had sterilised them again.

Are you sure about that?

Banana1984 · 26/05/2019 09:36

If you are worried for next time express before you go out and leave the bottle in the fridge. Check it first. Get him to do the same

dementedpixie · 26/05/2019 09:36

Banana1984 did yout even read the thread?! It wasn't 1 night, it was a month since they were last used

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 09:36

@Banana1984 OP has stated they haven't been used in at least a month and also that she never uses them, her OH does.

It really helps to read at least OP's posts.

Spludge · 26/05/2019 09:37

Think everyone is panicking over nothing here. I lived in South Africa for a while and ladies there told me when their babies are young they scoop up filthy drain water and feed it to their babies to build up their immune system. They dont get ill and are resilient to germs . Ok sounds a bit extreme but just making the point .

As for going out and having a drink. Good for you you need a blow out now and again.

Chill out relax. You got a long way to go in a world of germs and all sorts coming your babies way. You wont have the energy to get so worked up over every little thing. Stop beating yourself up .

Banana1984 · 26/05/2019 09:38

@AbbeyHammond my bad. Sorry OP!
All is say then Is dry them thoroughly before you put them away sterilising and drying first . Maybe in the steriliser or dishwasher.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 26/05/2019 09:39

I hope the little one is ok. I’m sure they will be but still - I’d be tempted to make dad a nice cup of tea and drop in some mould from the bottom of the plug hole for extra body.

AbbyHammond · 26/05/2019 09:39

Banana - obviously you are aiming that advice at the DH, not the OP though? She breastfeeds, she doesn't need to wash and dry bottles.

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